Whoa! Sure like hell in the summer. I dislike summer the utmost! Anyhow, I can’t stay away from my cup of coffee and cigarette in my spare time. My father was downstairs and I was smoking upstairs. I think my parents know that I’m a smoker, but yet they never see me smoking in front of them.
But my friends always consider that I was a heavy smoker. They said it because I smoke many different kind of cigarettes and vary from the lightest to the heaviest [in my country, there’s a cigarette made from real tobacco dried leaves and had no filter with it. Unlike western cigarette which had paper spiced with tobacco essence.] Though, I only smoke the heavy ones when we’re in the mountains or in a cooler place. Sometimes in daily life, but not that often.
I think, it’s the same thing. So why bother. Cigarette was chosen by taste, and taste is definitely subjective. Related to the former topic about gender, this taste of cigarette also drawn me to be an unlike-woman-in-common person. I really hate that! They called me ashtray, because I’ll take any kind of cigar to smoke. Yeah, right… They usually say something like, “You really smoke that?” in a very offending tone. And I glared at them like saying, “You, shut up.”
What’s the last topic I promised to discuss before? Judgment? Like Janne da Arc Shinigami no Kiss? Yeah… Well, I’m not in the mood to discuss heavy stuff like that. Let’s put it aside for a while.
Reading Kiyo’s
Later, I also tried to read ‘boxes’ on Sugizo no
I’d like to explain about my blog’s title, “to be… HONEST : It’s how I live.”
Because I lied a lot to many people. From the deepest heart, I’d like to say I’m very sorry that I have to lie. It’s just that, I’m an introvert person who need more time to be alone than to be with others. Have I mentioned that before? Anyway, since I got so many social activities which included many people, I have to interact with many people also. Sometimes it feels so heavy to walk in public and have to greet many people that sometimes I forgot the names. I’m not good in remembering things. So, it was like, “Hi!”, “Yeah…”, “Oh, hi…”, “Oi!”, and it’s so exhausting. No hurt feeling or trying to show off how famous I am in some places, but I really wanted, even for once, to be invisible.
I’m a person with high pace in mobility. I know where to go and what to do next. I dislike obstacles in the way. I won’t say that greeting people is obstacle, but in some way it sort of like that. Sometimes they just popped in the way, and tried to make a looonngg conversation. That was devastating. Now that is hypocrisy.
But in the other side, making so many friends, networks, and relatives are giving me so many advantages though. I could get many important things much more easily; something that you could be proud of. Therefore, now I have to take the consequences out of it. Yada…
And for the notes following the title, I want the blog to be the honest side of me. So everything written here was very subjective, with no intention of offending anyone in particular neither to be understand nor to influenced anyone. Just wanted to be honest!
Geez, God, how mess is my working room!!! Papers, books, CDs, cigar’s boxes, and ashes, dominated to spread all over the place. So to walk in, you have to walk with the tip of your toes. Sometimes I just step on papers and books. Not onto the CDs!
Anyway, reading Kiyo’s
Though, I have stop eating meat since junior high, for health consideration. I watched my father with his diabetes, and imagine having to inject insulin everyday was really scared me to death! I hate blood, injections, and nerves. Once in biology class we’re talking about nerves, how fragile it was and knowing it exist in every part of our body was killing me. I then choose to sleep. I got so weak in the knees right after, and can’t go out in the break time. So I stay in class during the break. I just want to shut the mouth of my teacher at that time.
See? I was started to be like Kiyo, to jump from one topic to another with no clear reason. Good isn’t it? I have to stop it right now… Bye then!
Oh, chotto matte! Another thing just popped out of my curiosity. Why do Japanese musicians always act less important things in their personal video? Are they sane enough then? We’ll talk about this later on. Bye, again, this one for sure!
Wow! I had actually skipped some days without writing anything for the blog. Well, it must be because I had been busy lately, with my coming back to work again and the training in the campus… After all, I was too anxious about tomorrow’s event. I was making a shawl by my own, and haven’t finished yet, while I need it to wear for tomorrow! While others were so interested with trying to learn it so, they absolutely held me back to make it a quick finish. That’s okay… I just need to awaken the whole night to get it done.
Recently I was feeling couldn’t do anything and actually got nothing to do. Though, I realized that I was just too full with everything that I must done soon. Anyway, tomorrow’s event started to get me nervous. The whole thing about having the Japanese event again was something that I’ve been waiting I supposed. Being waiting for the upcoming even to come was surely put the nerves on me. I don’t know why. Maybe the excitement of experience the concert atmosphere, just to be able to sense the closest to the real sense of Japanese bands’ concert, was chilled me out. Call me crazy… Sometimes I did.
Today was so exhausting, and time seems to passing by so slow. I’m so tired, I need a sleep, I need some entertainment, I need my guitar, I need to be home, I need so many, I just need to get through this fucking weird day so I could have the Japanese event tomorrow.
I don’t think today is a good day to write something precious to discuss. Fuck! I just want to screw people! Please, keep everybody away from teasing me. Today just not the day I’ll be taking jokes lightly…
See later, whenever I could get back to normal. [This fucking job was killing me…]