由紐約回家後,睡眠時間真係改變左，由夜晚６，７點訓到零晨３點，完美的９個小時．屋企已經好少可有夜晚飯食，而我亦無打算再追溏心風暴．訓醒個人好舒服，好精神．
唔知點解，由響日本layover０個日開始，我好似想起一種被我自己刻意去遺忘的感覺．呢個感覺好特別，因為我自己都唔知係好定唔好，不過我就係刻意去叫自己去忘記．就好似響日本留學時的自由一樣， 好似睇見那時無壓力的悠閒生活，既舒服又積極，又好似科大的時候．有一點回家的感覺．
回憶，有時可以被遺忘是一件好事，不過相繼連好的回憶都被送去，原來是忘不了好的那一部份．今日是５月２４日，一個星期想回家．
時候已經好似到了！當我因為工作而講粗口的話就代表左我個人已經變質，係時候了結．或許係一個好的預兆！內心有千萬句粗口想講出黎發洩內心的不快．我自己估都估唔到，入左呢一間公司後會由愛日本人變憎日本人．唔係客而係同事，有時真係頂唔順想問你一聲你係邊位？好一點可能或者問你今日食左飯未？直接一點問你係唔係食左屎？響個機到大叫坐最尾行都聽到你響前面問咩．．．．這些就是我們的服務，自欺欺人的日本阿嬸們，收起吧～自己都忘記了自己幾時開始唔鍾意呢一間公司，一直都有少少，不過係呢一兩程０既問題，好似突然怒火中燒一樣地對呢一份工作擁有絕望的感覺．6-month check又如何？你唔好大我們！我由細到大都未驚過我亞媽同我亞爸使驚你？comments／ODM又如何？成日為埋少少野驚到死，我唔覺得由Fear or 呢一類威脅推動０既Forces 會令一個組織向上．I hate negativity. Please don't implant any of those seeds inside of me. Hate it so much. That;s silly.或許是工種夾人，人夾工種，唔可以一句講到尾呢一份工好唔好．
I don't wanna work for any job that degrade me, that costs much more than my salary. cuz what is inside of me makes salary, I am not conformed by it. So just leave it.
仲有理性的時候就去，６月開始，８月埋單．
回家真係好！可以見我可愛的小狗
，又可以同屋企人講野，笑又好糟又口都好舒服，回家真好．
God is a faithful God. "I AM who I AM"
Date: 13-15 April, 2007
Place: Singapore Indoor Stadium (MRT: Kallang)
Day 1: I went alone but talked with some people. I have known Fiona who sang in the choir and Amanda who sat with me! Yet, miracle didn't happen. Or I should say, what God showed me didn't happen. Going back to hotel and pray.
Day 2: Steve joined and I prayed and prayed in the service. Knowing that I am not close with God. Wonder on the day that Jesus comes. If, He would say I don't know you... How would it be? I told God in these 3 days, "God, it is not my word, it is Your Word. You have to be faithful to it. I am not going back with empty hands."Going back to the hotel, feeling despaired and dumped by God. Yet, I kept on praying and praying, believing God in His faithfulness by His supporting faith in me.
Day 3: Pastor Benny asked suddenly in the beginning of the crusade who were from places outside Singapore, stand up. We stood up and the unexpected happened. He asked one by one where we were from. He saw a group, They answered they were from China. Then he said, "Suddenly, I feel like doing something. Let all the Chinese come on the stage and pray together..." I was shocked in my heart and became quiet. I knew at that moment. God is going to do something. When he called out... we went on the stage and I told Steve what happened to me a week ago. "English, English" so close to Pastor Benny that he looked into my eyes and I could look into his eyes too. But my heart was not on him but Him. This was more than I can imagine. God always do something unthinkable and unexpectable. We prayed, we sang "How Great Thou Art" in Chinese, he even "anointed" us! God truly did what He has said and what I asked for, though the anointing was a differernt thing. My right hand truly did shake by itself. I finally testified with a shocked heart, not organized at all with the testimony.
Insights:
1. I am standing very far away from the mountain.
2. I am too proud, arrogant and fearless in God.
3. I am not ready to be called into the ministries right now.
4. The intensity of the relationship with God matters all.
5. Hold on to God's Word, not anything else! not anything by eyes or by ears.
6. If it is from God's, Pray till you get it! Don't give up! Knock Knock Knock!!! God needs us to seek and pray.
7. If you are with God, then you should have the image of Jesus.
8. Only in the body of Christ can be made strong, not individually.
9. Seek God's Will, Ask God's choice.
10. Seek God in changing job & church
11. Every day God gives only one dollar, how would you use it valuably?
12. Pray specifically, don't pray lousily or give lousy offerings.
13. When you are weak, you even need God's more, you need to pray even more, for otherwise, the devil rejoices!
14. Patience. Don't learn anything of the world in your job. Leave it, Shake it, Dump it.
15. Sow to God's Hand. Sow by faith with aims. Don't sow in man or church, don't sow by money.
I have sowed a seed of faith on 15 April, 2007 that God will complete His Word in sending me to be in His service and I asked for that pastorship from God's choice. I have sowed and I believe.
Things to pray for:
1. New proceeding deep intimate relationship with Jesus Christ
2. Decision on changing new job
3. Asking for consolidation of Christian life (Church/Ministries)
4. Following Pastor Benny Hinn or other people that God plans to
5. God's will on me to be completed with God's presence and power.
6. A comparable, loving Man of God
7. Hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit eternally.
8. The gifts of the Holy Spirit
9. Enjoy fellowship with the body of Christ internationally
10. Household salvation and new lives experience to eternality
God is a faithful God to His Word. If God says it, by His Faithfulness, He must do it. All we have to do is to pray, pray, pray till we get it. There is no reason to fail. For it is for the sake of the Name of the Lord. God needs us to HAVE FELLOWSHIP WITH HIM, TO SEEK, TO PRAY, TO ACT & STEP OUT FORM THE BOAT, TO TESTIFY WITH NO SHAME!
ただ目の前に並べられた仕事を手際よくこなしてく
コーヒーを相棒にして
いいさ、誰が褒めるでもないけど
小さなプライドをこの胸に勲章みたいに付けて
僕のした単純作業がこの世界を回り回って
まだ出会ったこともない人の笑い声を作っていく
そんな些細な生き甲斐が日常に彩りを加える
モノクロの僕の毎日に
少ないけど 赤 黄色 緑
今 社会とか世界のどこかで
起きる大きな出来事を取り上げて議論して
少し自分が高尚な人種になれた気がして
夜が明けてまた小さな庶民
憧れにはほど遠くって手を伸ばしても届かなくて
カタログは付箋したまんまゴミ箱へと捨てるのが落ち
そして些細な生き甲斐は時に馬鹿馬鹿しく思える
慌てて僕は彩りを探す
滲んでいても 金 銀 紫
ただいま
おかえり
なんてことのない作業がこの世界を回り回って
何処の誰かも知らない人の笑い声を作ってゆく
そんな些細な生き甲斐が日常に彩りを加える
モノクロの僕の毎日に増やしていく 水色 オレンジ
なんてことのない作業が回り回り回り回って
今僕の目の前の人の笑い声を作ってゆく
そんな確かな生き甲斐が日常に彩りを加える
モノクロの僕の毎日に頬が染まる 暖かなピンク
増やしていく
きれいな彩り
感想：
この歌を聞くと、すごく自分の仕事のことをよく伝えられる。「世界を回りまわって」とか、何処の誰かも知らない人の笑い声を創ってゆく」とか、飛行機の中で、そらの中で毎日毎日してることじゃないの？桜井が好き。彼の考えと心底の感情が好き。彼のギッフトは人の感情よく歌で出せるものだ。へ。。。蝉の声、小さい葉。。。綺麗なはな。。。春？ここは多分もうすぐ夏？怖い、地球温暖化ね。。。「彩り」
Mexico pattern, I can still remember last time it was not that bad. It is really boring to let time pass by. I really want to go back to Tokyo asap cuz I can go out and have fun with Cherry, staying in her room and share some of our lives moments. It has been a year and a half since the last time I saw her. How she has changed is still unknown. I bet she gets prettier and prettier. I also want to work in Tokyo and sense that kind of life vibration. Yet, one of the problems is that I don't have many friends over there, one or two, who are really able to share and help. Yet Cherry has gone through that stage also. I remember she telling me about the loneliness in Tokyo for the beginning.
Anyway, waiting for that day.
Some problems with the booking of the tour. There are no hotel rooms available. I am not worrying with this trip but the next one. I have missed the Kobe one and I have lost the Hong Kong one more than that the Taipei one. What is happening? I don't really wanna lose this one. I would pay any amount for that. At the beginning I thought it would only at most cost me 3000 or sth. Yet it seems that now, it may cost me 4000 for 4 days 3 nights. What a Singapore it is. I don't know why they cancel the Hong Kong one and the Taipei one. Yet, I just know one thing that I have to do right now. I have to really, after all these months, get down on my knees this time,
I really wanna go.
I really wanna be baptised in the Holy Spirit.
I really wanna work in Tokyo for a while
I really wanna ...
What's more, should I reply that email?
神様との個人的な関係。
その深さ。神様のすばらしさを知ること。
聖書を読むというのは、神様を知ることと神様と私の関係を分かることです。
個人的な関係できたら、自然にやれるでしょう。
毎朝の反省：
毎日神様と深くて、楽しくて、意義を持ってる個人的な関係が創れるかな？
というのは、
１．毎日神様と誠実に自分の心の話を送って差し上げますか？
２．毎日神様と正しい生活、仕事、家族、友達を大切に対していますか？
３．毎日神様と見言葉、また、testimonyを伝えっていますか？
この前JL062/JL061の旅に、奇跡があった。というのは、神様本当に私の全てを知っていて、聞いていて、見守っていて、答えてくれました。奇跡の前何も教えてくれなかったうちに、飛行機に乗って、通常とおり仕事をやって、普通の話をかけました。けれども、神様が私が欲しいSURPRISEをまた覚えている。初めて、仕事中、飛行機の中で、お客様と話し合っていた時心から泣きました。これはDivineの出会い。そうです。Divineの出会いでした。
この前、あたしはConfusionsがいっぱいがあって、本気にあきらめたいです。本当に日本で伝道するのか？神様は本当に私にビーションを御霊で教えてくれましたか？神様はまだ、約束を守っていますか？神様に叫んで、叫んで、きっと神様が私の悩みを聞きました。そう。。。本当に何回かを叫んだ。そして、２００７年３月４日にJL062で、天使「岡田 大輔」さんからメーセッジを送ってくれました。か、自分も先生の天使になちゃったかな？「今の自分は、JALに勤めってるうちの自分は神様のCALLINGです。」って。「今の自分はTESTIMONYです」って。二人も主が選んだ日本で福音を伝える工具で、二人も自分の悩みとか出来ないことを持っています。。。
もう時間がありません、もう叫ばないでください。本気になにが役に立つことをやりなさい。
もう時間があるません、もうただ自分で勤めないでください。誠実に御霊で神様と生きなさい。
神様が全て見守っていてることからです。
心の皮のことを追わないでください。それだけではなくて、心底のことを追いなさい。
神様が言ったでしょう。この道は簡単ではなくて、難しいですよ。それでも、大丈夫で、周りの風を見ないで、ただ主イエスも見ると簡単になれるよ。もういろいろなことを準備してくれました。チェーリ、明君、善君、岡田先生、JAL。
神様、あたしは何もないです。いただいてください。
看完又看，看過不停．
睡不了，聽聽歌，吃了自己喜歡的東西．
在沒事做的零晨看一看以往的電郵，亦很幸福．
想起昔日的一件事．２００３年１月１７日我為了報交流生的事而考一個國際試，剛考完踏出門口的一刻，就像拍戲的假橋段一樣，電話響起．有一個女人告訴我得了！這使我想到神不論怎樣都不會使我們係咁以過關．要經驗的一定要經過，神不是一個走後門的神．如果有什麼想從神得來就不要祈望他是一個提供後門的神！因為剛是一個相反．這令我聯想起身體檢查之前的一日，一生人都沒有試過一次給一隻蚊咬我的嘴巴！一咬連內外都不放過，起身照鏡時第一次有嚇死的一刻，好像是一夜間發生了什麼，連自己的父母都不敢見，沒有上學，留在床上兩天．心想後日的身體檢查這一關我實過不了．好不易才可過了第三關的呢！！！但不知為何不過響床上我確信，若果神要帶我去某過地方，只要我信，不論怎樣他都一定因自己的名帶我去．對，神知道我所說的．
漲爆如生了一個腫瘤的嘴．．．．．．竟然可以做日航空姐．那時我知我所信的是誰．
那麼．．．．．．現在呢？
我想我們當稱謝讚美主，因祂已聽了我的呼求，也聽了你有聲無聲的呼
『人的盡頭，是神的開始。』祂再次對我說：
祂要愛我到底
但神就像你在飛機上所看見的經歷般，代我們 ( 祂的愛子 ) 哭泣過後，疲累過後，再歷低谷過後，能聆聽的時候，差遣使者來侍候我們，抹去我們的眼淚，不計算我們的過錯
對，神沒有負了我．神一直在對我說話，只是我不知為什麼見風就害怕起來，好像彼得一樣．明白了當日使徒彼得是怎樣望著耶穌的行在水面，亦怎樣望見風而下沈．不過好在的是，耶穌伯伸手捉起我．
我一直都有一個禱告，是真的，一直都有一個禱告，就是：神呀，如果我有一日放開你的手或是怎麼都好捉不實，點都好，即使我叫，我哭，我出口撒懶及出言頂撞你都好．即使我真的要放手時都請你記住唔好放開我隻手．
原來，現在我只要好像信內所說的一樣，「只需要你停下來，張開雙手，心靈隨著祂對你微聲的呼喚
