Since its valentines day soon i have decided to go with this theme. Anyway i was looking for something free, pink and sparkly this is as close as i can get for the free stuff lol! Anyway this is where i really come clean with what i love and some other more personal and dark stuff about myself. Totally unprecedented and raw! well first of all i would love to be a Princess surrounded with pink everywhere! Every time i go online to shop for skincare products i only go for the womens section. Never the mens one even if they have one there. I feel like i am a girl instead of a guy. I'd love to put on those make-up things and wear those sparkly clothes and the extremely nice clothes oh god forbid all this stuff. Or rather if put crudely like what Kumar said my ovaries are just outside lol! sigh. i really love those stuff but sorry their not meant for me. love to wear those clothes with ribbons in pink, those ones with lace, pea coats, pink slippers or rather more specifically pink flip flops. i love it if my room were to be covered in a coat of baby pink, bed sheets pink as well, skin care product bottles preferably pink as well with sparkles in them! hahah! a pink car as well, a pink camera, a pink Hand phone with sparkles. People say its OK to be you, but i wonder how i can be my own when what i really like and would do is against the society of "Normal people" i am very happy that i am able to at least get my hands on some skin care products for women. through the internet, i am very grateful for it. It has made me a happier person, i can buy those products for women only without having to face any salesperson and just click away. But i feel very disgusted by what i do. Its like i am some pervert. I feel that life is so much better when i purchase such things.They are my power source, rooting me on everyday. MY PINK DREAM 私のぴんくどりむ
I have come a long way from that timid little imp th what i am now. Able to shout vulgarities without the guilt, especially when saying that to someone who totally deserves it! My butt has grown bigger to signify more courage and recklessness. Brawns have turned much to jelly. I have just returned from New Zealand and i have no regrets abut going there. i didn't exactly find myself standing on top of a clifgazing into the sky with the wind blowing against me and a tear drop rolling down my cheeks. I wished that could happen but however i could not find any suitable hill with a cliff..... but i found more than that. I found friends that were really what you really could call friends. Willing to go the miles with me. I am very grateful that i have such friends, i am indeed blessed. I do not know why i have the urge to leave this place. i really hate this place. Why? In the past i led quite comfortable life. i could get anything i want. Just by pointing at it and crying lol! Travelling, high tea, branded stuff. All that changed when the recession hit. My mother didn't get so many Japanese tours as she used to and my father well he quit because he could not take the stress and its damaging his brain. Long gone were the days when i could ask for almost anything i wanted, the luxuries, the material happiness. It was quite hard to say goodbye. Till now i still think that my family is still living the comfortable life. lol! kidding myself. I still tend to spend on stuff unnecessarily. But not like last time where i have no regards for where they come from. I understand that they're all hard earned cash. But i wonder what happened to my once confident and dashing dad. He was in my eyes last time the most intelligent, capable and dashing father ever. Not till the recession he took a 360 degrees turn. He wasn't himself. He never talked as casually to us as he did last time. there were fewer play time hours with him. He got more serious and does not talk as much as he used to. Its like he is hiding inside his shell. I'd love to help him with any problem he has but it seems like he does not say anything much. Now a days its difficult totalk to him because all he ever talks about are stuff from the newspaper. nothing intimate like a father and son talk. its very rare. although he sends me SMS with smileys and encouraging words his english structure is quite bad lol! i don't really understand i just say i will do my best and not forgetting a smiley as well hahah! I see a phase in life where everyone changes. i thought that i wouldbe friends forever with my best friend in secondary school. but no. we have drifted so far i don't think even outstretching my hand to wherever she is will bring us any closer. we are too far apart to come back again. it is happening again with the friend i love and still love but i fell i am drifting away from her. I don't want to but why???? But i feel that its like history repeating itself again. what can i do to stop it? i don't know. i always thought that if we are best friends we would never separate at all. but i was wrong. My elder sis told me that there are phases in life. i truly understand what that means now. But to you who is or might be reading this now. I do not ever want that phase to come at all! I do not want to drift away! I thought that if i were just strong enough to make the friendship last with all my will it will. But it didn't But this time iwill do whatever is in my power to maintain it and to nurture it. For loosing such a valuable friend like you is a thought i cannot bear. You are much too dear to me. thank you for all you have done. I am sorry for what i have done to you. Ryo