It's not really my birthday yet, but in a few minutes it will be...
Maybe by the time I post this, it would be past midnight already...
Actually, it's already past 12am in Tokyo now.
So, happy birthday to me (^^)
I feel so tired today.
My Snow White shoes made my feet hurt, my hip black blazer made me feel so hot. And the Starbucks box of pastries were really a hassel to carry home.
But I am thankful and happy.
Because I've got pretty shoes, a blazer to wear, and someone had bothered to bring yummy pastries for me.
Still my head hurts and I'm not in the mood to write about this special quarter-life moment of mine, my twenty-fifth birthday.
It feels bad of course, that I am not married yet nor have I achieved much yet.
Looking back, I had some good times during the past 24 years, some pretty awesome friends, and had been blessed with so much, even the simplest and littlest things, I am thankful for that.
As for career, ambition...
I don't feel like having the need to be phenomenal anymore.
I will never be a model slash photographer slash stylist slash travel blogger slash entrepreneur slash fashionista slash whatever cool occupation you have, because everyone else wants that, or is already like that.
I just... I guess I just want peace.
Very Ms. Universe, I know, but more importantly...
The more pressing issue at hand, more than me collecting a slew of artsy fartsy names for myself, is the question of what I have done for others.
Too many people starving and suffering and seeking kindness and justice, and there's too little of that.
I keep saying this but I have not really done anything for the oppressed people. And I don't wanna do it as a job or something I'm obliged to do or need to analyze.
Maybe not on my 25th year on earth, but maybe some time in the future, I'll find meaning.
In terms of improving myself...
Depressing moments these past couple of years, have made me lose the drive to be a smarter and more capable person.
Don't get me wrong... I have not lost hope or confidence in myself, it's just that.
When everyone else wants to be this or that and always selfishly seeing themselves before others, it makes me want to step back and let them take it all.
It's not much of a loss, it just makes me sad that I had lost that part of myself that wants to be the best.
I want to stay like this for a while.
So, in short, no revelations or resolutions for my 25th birthday.
I just want a birthdy cake with 25 cherries or 25 flowers or 25 pearly shiny icing thingies.
Right now I'm lying very lazily on the couch, listening to songs like "Signs" by Bloc Party and "Augustana" by Boston.
Not too relaxing, but it about sums up my mood for tonight.
Another year..
For me to thank Mama for giving birth to me and having a chance to live and explore many things.
Oh my curious mind~~sometimes gets me into trouble hehe but I am proud of it.
"I regret nothing".
Moving on, I had a super deep thought when I got home tonight, thinking about how troublesome it is to age.
Then, it crossed my mind..
"If 25 years is quarterlife crisis, 50 is midlife crisis, then does that mean we all presume that ideally a person's lifespan is 100 years?"
With that thought, I looked at my pink lighter...
...
"If so, when I'm 92 years old.. Will all my things still be pink??? What kind of grannie will I be?"
Those are my most profound thoughts for my 25th birthday.
Thank you, I love you, happy birthday to me~! ��｡
��� meryll ���