i really really wanna get close to him more.....

today, i went to school to get some new text books and bus pass,

right after that, i and maiko went to deep cove for chill from the long seperation. the view in northvan reminded us our old memories a lot...

anyways after that, i was sooo excited to talk to mark because he told me he would call me. and i got a phone and he told me he wanted to go to see an ice hockey game tomorrow with me,,, AND his friends,,, i was like umm ok... in my mind,,, i was like why why??? why?? with friends,,,,,

nononononoi wanna date with u!! but i couldnt say that to him, of course. im happythat i just can stay with him. but i like him a looooot since i went to see a movie with him together, and wanna know about him and want him know about me more and more!

i feel a lot scared about love because i couldnt have a nice relationship with guys since last year,,, so im kinda afraid if i love him a lot but he doesnt....

because i really really really wanna get a boyfriend, i tend to be in rush sometimes in my heart,,, but i feel like he wants take it slow... im so afraid how we gonna be.. are we gonna be together? or not..

ahhh loving someone hurts sometimes... i dont know what to do....

i hope tomorrow something really good thing between us gonna happen.... im expecting something soo romantic,, last date,,, holding hand together,,,,, next....maybe maybe... kiss??

oh my god,,,, i really feel what the love is like now... it HURTS!!!

im in love...... ohhhhh

UUMMMMMmmmmm............ I like Mark a lot. He is sooo cute. we had a first date last night. we went for a small dinner and bubble tea, and went to watch movie. the movie.... to be honest, I didnt understand at all. but thats ok. i was so happy that i could stay with him and get close to him! the movie is just....... anyways, i dont care about other guys around me anymore, i like mike and wanna be together with mike

i think he likes me too, because he held my hand in the middle of movie last night,,,, oh my gosh,,, i like him too much, i cant calm down and keep smiling when i remember him. i feel like i was 17 years old girl! i feel like i fell in love for the first time in my life! oh god... in the middle of the movie last night, first, he put his hand on my thigh and sometimes move his hand slightly and gently over my thigh, i really wanted to hold his hand like many couple did but i was too shy to do that. i think same as him. but the end of the movie, FINALLY we held our hand together, but really the end of the movie. so i felt like ohhh nooo i dont wanna leave my hand from him after the movie. but.... the movie ended very soon after we have held our hand..... i was soooo sad,,, BUT!!!!! after we went out from the theater, he held my hand again!!!!!!! i was soooooooooooooo fuckin happy, oops i should not swear! but anyways i was so happy!

on saturday, the day after tomorrow, im gonna have a second date with Mark. im sooo excited and wanna see him soon, he told me he would call me tomorrow to talk but im kinda afraid to talk to him on a phone because of my english. in japanese, i really really can talk to him a lot and make him laugh, but in english, its a little difficult still. he told me he phoned me today, but my cell was on mute and didnt realize he phoned me.　damn it! i wanna see him as soon as i can.....oh no... im in love

first diary

ok, i have so many things to write down how ive been getting along in vancouver.

ive decided to start a diary because i just thought i would keep my memories in somewhere,

anyways, since i came back here in van, ive met so many guys here. now, i dont have a boyfriend and wanna have one cuz i think an exsistence of boyfriend makes my life brighter and gives me lots of power.

anyways, there are 3 guys who are close to me.

first, kenny, he is taiwanese. i met him at one of parties which i went with Hiroko and got along with him.

i really like his personality alot, manly, responsible, funny, and sooo sweet.

he has a jp girlfriend, but their relationship is not good now,

his girlfriend Rina does not talk to ken,,,,,oh poor ken,...

he told me whats going on between them so sadly... i felt sorry for him, his girlfriend is just being a bitch!

why i think like that?

because i understand her feelings a lot actually, i did same thing to my exboyfriends when i wanted to break up with them, i kept saying just i dont know what to do,,, just leave me alone,,,,,

of course, it is an excuse, the truth was just i lost the hot feelings towards them. thats all.

but its kinda hard to say like i dont love you anymore, its so harsh for both of the person who dumps or are dumped.

kenny told me he would love me if this bad relationship between he and rina keeps going and stays with me together for a long time instead of her.

i think he likes me a lot and getting to forget about the little bitch.

anyways, he is so sweet, there are 2 more guys who are close to me, i will write about them in someday later cuz im soooo sleepy now. i just got back from a date with David who now and sooo tired, we went to watch a scary movie today, it was interesting, but tired,