Mary O’Rourke rode to the defence of her Fianna

Mary O’Rourke rode to the defence of her Fianna Fáil sister. “To taunt and say silly things across the chamber – calling people Marie Antoinette, for example – is puerile and infantile . . . To think anybody would approach with delight saying to people that a Christmas bonus will not be paid would mean that person is very sadistic.”

Mary Hantoinette nodded in agreement from her ministerial chair.

Then Mammy O’Rourke made an interesting observation, which suggests that the Government may yet be contemplating pulling a nice little stroke for Christmas by restoring the Santy bonus in the nick of time.

“The Minister opened a chink in the argument last night . . . and indicated that if there was a chance of giving this Christmas bonus, she would grasp the opportunity and encourage the Minister for Finance to do so as well . . . I add my voice to this and will continue to do so.

“As the months go by and Christmas approaches, we hope there will be some avenue which could be further explored for the partial or whole payment of this Christmas bonus.”

Again, Mary Hantoinette nodded her agreement.

Let us hope this is the case, if only to cheer up Labour’s Ciarán Lynch, who waxed Dickensian during his contribution, which he began by quoting the opening line of A Christmas Carol.

He painted a heart-rending picture of aged grannies without as much as a turkey leg to chew on over the festive season, unable to buy Ugg boots for their ragged grandchildren and bottles of whiskey for their rat-arsed neighbours.

But, like Scrooge, Mary Hantoinette might still see the light. A Christmas Carol is a story of redemption, sniffed Ciarán, moist of eye.

There wasn’t dry seat in the House by the time he finished.

Cobbling together a traditional expertise

From brothel creepers to Ugg boots , cobbler Dennis Clarke can chart his career through fashions in shoes.

And as the 71-year-old nears the end of his career, business has never been so good.

“The credit crunch has been good for us,” he says. “People are getting their shoes repaired instead of buying new ones.”

Mr Clarke took over the tiny shop in

Bell Street

, Wolverhampton, opposite the shiny new Wulfrun Centre in 1967. He was offered a unit in the shopping flagship but never gave it serious consideration.

“I wasn’t going to pay their fantastic rates and rent,” he says. “And it’s worked out well. I charge a few quid less than the repairers in the shopping centre but they’ve got carpets and nice clean counters.”

Dennis’s glass display counter is randomly stuffed with laces, inner soles and used plastic bags. Shoes ready for collection are piled high on shelves on the left of the counter. A sign warns customers that any footwear not claimed within three months will be sent for recycling. A surprising number fall into this category.

Mr Clarke started in the cobbling business in 1953, working in Blackheath, Brierley Hill and Dudley for Modern Shoe Repairs, later taken over by Mr Minet.

After National Service and a spell at Smart Shoe Repairs in Wolverhampton, he opened Densen’s Cobblers with business partner Eric Cartwright and another shop in

Dudley Road

.

After Eric died in 1983, Dennis just kept on the

Bell Street

business. The finishing machine dominates the narrow workshop at the back. Its multitude of functions include levelling heels before he starts works on them, trimming soles and giving the shoes a shine.

Unlike most cobblers, Dennis also has a stitching machine. Nearly all soles and heels these days are stuck on but only an old-fashioned stitch will do for welted shoes. Generously he allows his mates in the cobbling world to use the machine when they need it. Airguns have taken the place of hammers for knocking nails into soles.

“But when it breaks down, you’ll find me with nails in my mouth hammering away, just like an old-time cobbler,” he chuckles.

He also uses the nails as a code to record when a pair of shoes was brought in, knocking in an extra nail in the right shoe to identify the month - under the fourth nail for April, for example - while the left shoe indicates which week of the month. “If people want to argue about when they left them, I just turn them over and look at the soles.”

Another relic in this retail gem is the cash register which is pre-digital and can only ring up single figures. He closes Sundays and half-day Thursdays and says he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he retired.

But after 56 years in the business, it is now a consideration. He adds: “I like work, so I’ll hang on until they close me down.”

The Look: Towson's biggest fashion mishaps

A recent letter to the editor titled "When did North Face jackets become Towson's official uniform?" got me thinking about some of the groupthink on-campus trends I've noticed this winter.

Despite the fact that many of our parents are being laid off left and right, almost every girl on campus can be seen sporting The North Face Women's Denali Jacket, which on The North Face Web site runs at $165. Pretty pricey for Polartec fleece.

What confuses me about the Denali's popularity, however, isn't the fact that so many girls are willing to shell out almost 200 bucks to own the new "in" jacket. What confuses me is their choice in brand name.

Just read the details on the jacket listed on The North Face Web site: "A favorite among outdoor enthusiasts, the Denali Jacket offers straight-forward comfort and warmth in cold weather excursions."

Ladies, we live in central Maryland.

I'd hardly call trekking to P-tux in that ice storm we had earlier in the semester a "cold weather excursion."

The true fashion crime being committed isn't the use of the Denali in place of a winter coat (I hear they are actually much warmer than they appear).

The outfit combination that a surprising majority of the women on campus seem to wear on a regular basis is what makes me cringe.

I submit the revised Towson University uniform for the female population: A North Face Denali Jacket, a black tights and a pair of Ugg boots .

For the ideal winter outfit, I see several flaws in its design.

Flaw one: the black tights are worn in place of pants.

Apart from the risk of what can only be described as "wicked camel toe," tights used in place of pants can be used to effectively compliment a mini-dress or any article of clothing that reaches well past one's genital region.

Because the Denali lies just above the crotch, this rule does not apply.

Even though the Denali offers both "comfort and warmth," winter is not the best season to forgo pants.

Even though your torso and feet may remain warm in fleece and fur, nothing is going to be warming the most exposed part of your body.

Flaw two: no matter what your body type, this outfit does nothing to flatter it.

The Denali is neither form-fitting nor loose and wavy.

For the upper half of your body, it compliments little more than a hoodie or sweatshirt would.

The black tights leave nothing to the imagination, as they hug every inch of the calf and thigh.

And I don't think anyone really needs another reason to hate Uggs .

And lastly, flaw three: you look absolutely ridiculous.

What makes a lasting style is its versatility.

Scarves have become so popular because of the variety of colors, patterns, styles and ways to wear them.

Layers can be worn by multiple girls on campus everyday because accessories can be used to give a plain outfit originality.

The North Face Denali Jacket, black tights and a pair of Uggboots , no matter if you change the color of the jacket or tights or the design of the boots, will remain unoriginal, unproductive and unforgivable by fashionable society.