Ive finished first year of my university life.
I cannot believe i've come so far. I do feel as if i have accomplished something very meaningful but its still not enough.
My first year was quite messed up. Not much of a social life nor academic studies. My grades are quite above the average so i am relieved however, i could have done way better. I don't simply mean this in terms of my academic output but i mainly mean by my mental health. Depression hit me hard throughout this terms as well binge eating disorder. The last time i visited hospital was last year october. They insisted that i meet a councilor but i totally ignored it. I kept on pushing myself believing problems will be solved as soon as i get back to my old physique. The more i think about it, the more i realize how harsh i was towards my well being. I fully devoted myself to my studies and ironically, at some point i had a mental break down. Nothing mattered to me anymore, not even my grades. Fortunately, there was till a fire burning inside of me. A small candle sized fire yet i could feel its strength. I stopped pressuring myself. I was the cloudy sky…..scared to rain away my pain and anxiety but i partially did. Some of the anxiety and pain are gone…cried tears of rain. To be honest, i am still a falling drops of rain; no idea where i will reach to.
Im okay.
Life is beautiful. connect your soul with sky. Don't let yourself get locked up in your cage… the world is huge. Disappearing into the shadow isn't the answer. The answer isn't hiding anywhere. You can come up with your own answer, be inspired, or simply by letting yourself fall as tears of rain like the rainy cloud did.
Nothing is perfect. Anyone who is considered perfect is simply all made up. Everything we see within out pop culture is socially constructed. nothing is natural about it.
Forgive your flaws and be the bird that flies around under the blue sky. You just need t spread your wings and have the courage to jump.
xoxox