I am also going to write one last thing. I have said this before but I'm just reiterating. I know once you see your therapist, you'll probably have a better idea of what to do and I obviously don't know everything about the situation or what your friends are telling you l, but I am begging you to not let this drag on for longer than it needs to. Just because we can no longer contact each other, doesn't mean you have more time. Our breakup lasted for weeks because it was our first one and we were together for 4 years and still loved each other. If this breakup also lasts for weeks, it will tear you apart. I also hope you mention things to her that I cannot and your honest to her about how you feel about me and what's been going on.... About why this situation it wrong and toxic. Stop blaming only yourself for this. What Emily did was just as bad, if not worse, the difference is you were someone that I loved and cared about so it hurt more.
I also have to remind you that I still have a vague "deadline" in mind where I'll consider it too late if you contact me and I will start mentally preparing not to see you again and detaching from this situation. I don't want that to happen but I also have to consider my mental health. I'll be honest, a part of me does think that you have already crossed the line with Emily in a sense that, you have both have already spent so much time together and made so many memories, and have shared too many kisses and sweet moments that I sometimes think that it will be impossible for me to be in a relationship with you. The image of you kissing Emily while the both of you are dressed up, ready to go on a date is something that might forever haunt me. I don't understand how you can be so sweet with someone that is such a terrible person and has hurt me in such a terrible way. I don't... I can't even imagine myself kissing anyone else but you... But you can. You say you love me so much, but how can you carry that love for me in your heart while being with someone else? While kissing someone else? While spending the night with someone else?
Even though I envision myself being with you for the rest of our lives, I'm not sure if I can handle what has happebed. You have to remember, in August, I thought you and Emily would certainly stop talking to eahother forever and it was impossible for me to imagine the both of you in a relationship together considering everything that we've talked about throughout our relationship, so the fact that it has been 6 months, going on 7, really breaks my heart.
It is possible I will always be wondering about the moments you 2 have shared together as long as you are in my life. But that is also something we'll have to disucuss when I see you.
there is a part of me that doesn't understand you. I don't completely understand why you have been with her for so long, I also don't entirely understand why you have feelings for her, I don't understand why you have the desire to kiss her or if it's you just mindlessly going through the motions. I don't completely understand why it's so hard to leave but I guess that is something you'll have to explain more in depth to me when I see you.
I love you, and I will miss you. please take care of yourself and don't give up