Scared

So~~
I've decided to give another change to my life.
And this one is going to be a pretty big change.
Is important. Is everything.
I could finally start to moving if this goes well.
If I have the courage enough to keep going on the road.

Currently I'm looking for a therapist.
I have to get rid of the things that keep me bound.
I want to do so many things. But I'm terribly scared. I can't get out.
I even can't talk with people normally.
I have to stop this.

And today just when I decided to do this I got this horrible feeling that it is wrong. That I shouldn't do it. I feel as it will be a terrible process in where I'm going to suffer a lot, and expose things inside me that I don't even know or want to talk about.

I'm really scared and willing for saying no. I won't try it.
But I have to. The fact that I'm struggling so much with myself in this decision makes me realize how much I do need this therapy.

Since I finished college I thought I could handle it by myself, but it has been 3 years since then and it only gets worse day by day. I can't move forward, I can't decide what to do next, what my life will be in 5 years, how to live...

I can't delay this anymore. Life pass in front of my eyes behind a window and slips through my fingers like water.
I can't keep waiting.

I'm back!

Aaaaahhh~~
It's has been a long time!

Lately I don't know where my mind is.
There is so much to plan and do, but I can't see my way.
Is like the days are just passing by~~~ so fast and slow at the same time.
I mean... where have I been the last month? ww
What have I done until now?

Wow since the day I decided to start living in the way I wanted lots of things happenend!! www
It was announced a musical in the capital!
Ahh~~ I have never went to watch anything in the theater of the capital!
So I bought tickets. Of course I'm going to watch this!!
I was so excited! I went with a friend on her birthday.
Then we lead to some kind of bar / restaurant to met her friends.
It was really fun. Though I could be much more fun if I had stayed more days...

Oh! Also André Rieu is coming to my country in august!!
Without a doubt I bought my ticket. This is gonna be awesome.
I was being so much careful with money, trying to save a little...
I wanted to buy a One Piece figure but when I saw the price I thought "I can't buy this, is too expensive"
Until now, between tickets, travels and DVDs I have spent 5 times the price of the figure... LOL
Well I regret nothing.

Guess the regrets will be coming next month...

お久しぶりです！

It has been a long time since the last time I was here.
I wonder how many years has been since it.
But it doesn't matter now www

I'll return now to this blog.
I think it could be a good idea to write here again.
It would help me to... improve.

I've decided something really important.
Since the last week of april I decided to start to live.
And I can't believe how different life looks since that day.

I was always waiting to all the things to come for me someday.
The things I've always wanted looked so far.
I thought "I'll get them in a future".
Then I realized "why not now?"

What am I waiting?
If I don't live now... then when?

Everything seems so bright now.
I feel the happiness in the air.
Nothing in the world has changed, is just me.
It is me.

Is like I was sleeping all this time.
Sleeping without dreaming.
Then I saw 学さん and I started to dream about the day I could finally wake up.
And now, thanks to パンダちゃん I've awoken.

There so much things I want and must do.
I'm scared indeed, but the things I wanna reach, worth it.

So I won't stop anymore.
Now I know I can't keep waiting.
I'll start living now.