How to Motivate Children by Alan Pritchard
I was visiting a friend's house
recently and was intrigued by a handmade poster on the kitchen door. It was
drawn in brightly coloured wax crayons and had two columns. On the left hand
side the column was titled "Good" and had a big smiley face next to
it.
On the right side the column was titled "Not Good" and this had a big
frowning face next to it. I studied the poster for a while and I quickly
realised that the poster was being used as a reward and recognition system for
my friend's four-year-old daughter.
I chatted with my friends and asked
them about how they used it with Leah and was very interested to hear what they
had to say. Every time that Leah did something good, her parents rewarded her by
writing down what she had done well and putting a big smiley face next to it.
They did this with her and then praised her for it and made a big fuss out of
the positive. This made her feel really good and apparently the pleasure on her
face at her sense of achievement was a delight to see.
I noticed that the
"good" column had a long list of items and that the "not good" column" only had
two things on it. Her parents said that they only put really unacceptable
behaviour on that list and that their strategy was to only draw attention to the
positive things that Leah did. They had discovered that by praising the positive
and by offering emotional reward, Leah responded very well to the praise and her
self confidence and self esteem had grown noticeably since they had started
using this method.
They had tried rewarding Leah with sweets and presents
but they found that genuine praise given with love and sincerity was a far more
powerful for the growth of their child (and cheaper too!).
My
conversation with Leah's parents got me thinking about motivation and I can
remember for a long time how I used to think and believe that the materialistic
motivators were the most powerful forms of encouragement. Then a few years ago I
discovered that emotional drivers are the key to motivating yourself and
others.
Humans are emotional beings and not logical beings and so we are
driven by how we feel about things. You might think a child is driven by the
need for ice cream especially when the demand for it is given at 120 decibels in
the middle of a crowded mall on a busy Saturday afternoon. But what the child
really wants are the feelings of pleasure and satisfaction they will get from
the ice cream parajumpers coats
. They
don't really want the ice cream (especially if they knew what was in it - but
that is another story!!!), all they want are the feelings that they associate
with having it.
Now I am not discounting Personal Gain as a motivator, I
have just discovered that it is not the only factor that will drive children to
do things for you and for themselves.
Ironically I was reading an extract
from a teacher's guide called "The Master Teacher" recently that a colleague had
sent me, just after I had visited my friends, and this gave the following nine
motivators:
1. Personal Gain - the "What's in it for Me" factor.
2.
Prestige - The desire to do something that is valued or valuable.
3.
Pleasure - everyone wants to enjoy what they are doing.
4. Security - For
some people this is the strongest motivator.
5. Convenience - everyone likes
to do things that are easy and simple.
6. Imitation - the desire to be like
others.
7. Desire to avoid fear - No one likes to be afraid or
uncomfortable.
8. New experiences - positive stimulation empowers people.
9. Love - everyone needs to be loved to grow and develop.
When I read
this list, it reminded me of the time I spent at some of Tony Robbins's seminars
a couple of years ago. Tony talks about the six human needs
being:
Certainty (comfort - avoid pain and gain pleasure) Variety
(surprise, a state change) Significance (desire to be unique, a sense of
meaning) Connection (love of self and others) Growth (ongoing personal
development) Contribution (to others and yourself)
If you look at both
lists you will see a tremendous amount of similarity and that what is evident is
that the most powerful motivators, in accordance with these two very different
sources, are emotional.
So how do you motivate children (or anyone, for
that matter)?
That is a good question and I think the answer is quite
simple - make them feel good about themselves and about what it is you want them
to do.
How do you do that?
Now that is where the fun starts and if
I knew the full and complete answer to that I would be a very wise man indeed.
The thing I want to get across to you in this article is that although the
seemingly easiest strategy to help motivate kids is to promise them something in
return for their co-operation, it is not the answer. You might offer them
sweets, the promise of a trip to the cinema or even presents. Unfortunately this
has only a short-term effect and ignores the real needs of the child.
I
am going to suggest that when you want to get children to do things, whether it
is for you or for them, you should look at their emotional needs and ask
yourself this simple question:
"How can I get them to feel really good
about doing this?"
Think about the needs I have listed above and then be
creative. It may take a little practice but as my friends have found with Leah,
the rewards will be worth it Peuterey
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