Even as a Life Coach, I have my obstacles with my 3 teens. Talking and having regular discussions is the key element for effective parenting. Just this morning when I had the very same stuck state with my youngest child now 14. I attempted to remain as calm as I can. I was grieving how I entered into this stuck state. She seemed to be venting about how annoying I was. She might not relate to the particular incidents when I asked her what was the irritating part.
Perception
She shared that when she talk to me, she felt that I thought it was a waste of time and walk away. It's so fascinating to hear how she view what I do. When I hear her tone of voice that sounded upset, I stroll away believing she did not require an response from me and also. I did not want to remain in that energy and get triggered into being angry myself. We discussed facial expressions and intonation. She felt that she was not mad. We had different understanding and viewpoint. The advantage was we were speaking our minds.
Empathise
Lastly, what she wanted from me was to empathise by saying "Relax. relax, each time when she complain about something or is stressed." All she desired is for me to listen right through and comfort her! That was an insight, a tip not to be distressed by her intonation or venting. Not to believe that she desires a solution. That was a mini-revelation.
Comprehending each other
I said to her that it is really crucial to keep having a dialogue like this so that we get to understand each other much better. We do have downs and ups , and there is no warning. We talked a bit about my menopause and her hormonal agents changes. How these changes in our body can play havoc to our moods. The most crucial is to return to the basics. Just workout and let the hormonal agents balance. The other important thing is to let and forgive go of our previous stories so that we don't spiral into drama.
The ups and downs belongs to the journey which's how we change, discover and grow . By continuing to talk, have dialogues like this, that is the secret to successful parent and teens relationships. Relationships are developed through the effort we put into our interactions. Comprehending what each other is thinking.
Don't bring your function from work to home
she stated, "There is no such thing as best parent." I totally agreed with her. She included, "I just desire you to be a regular parent." I positive parenting was wondering what is a normal parent. Then she stated, "Just like when you are a principal, when you go home do not become a principal, so stringent with your children." Ha! I got it. She stated, "Don't bring your training thing home." We simply don't want to hear you coaching us. Thanks for reminding me!
Positive Feedback
I shared with her that I am extremely pleased with her, highlighting how she have lists for her to-do-list. How she kept to her word. I like it when she speak calmly. The ending was sweet. She fried omelet for me. My feedback to her was that this little gesture showed that she looks after me and I am extremely grateful, I like it. Time to commemorate.
Simply this early morning when I had the same stuck state with my youngest child now 14. I was grieving how I got into this stuck state. When I asked her what was the irritating part, she might not relate to the specific events.
Just exercise and let the hormones balance. We simply don't want to hear you coaching us.