Even as a Life Coach, I have my difficulties with my 3 teenagers. Talking and having regular conversations is the key element for effective parenting. When I had the same stuck state with my youngest daughter now 14, simply this early morning. I tried to stay as calm as I can. I was grieving how I entered this stuck state. She seemed to be venting about how irritating I was. When I asked her what was the annoying part, she might not connect to the particular events.
Understanding
She shared that when she speak with me, she felt that I believed it was a wild-goose chase and walk away. It's so interesting to hear how she perceive what I do. When I hear her tone of voice that sounded upset, I walk away thinking she did not need an response from me and likewise. I did not wish to remain in that energy and get triggered into being angry myself. We spoke about facial expressions and intonation. She felt that she was not angry. We had different understanding and perspective. The good thing was we were speaking our minds.
Empathise
What she desired from me was to empathise by stating "Relax. relax, each time when she complain about something or is stressed." All she wanted is for me to listen right through and comfort her! That was an insight, a reminder not to be upset by her intonation or venting. Not to think that she wants a service. That was a mini-revelation.
Understanding each other
I said to her that it is really important to keep having a dialogue like this so that we get to comprehend each other better. We do have downs and ups , and there is no warning. We talked a bit about my menopause and her hormonal agents changes. How these changes in our body can play havoc to our moods. The most essential is to go back to the basics. Simply workout and let positive parenting the hormones balance. The other crucial thing is to let and forgive go of our previous stories so that we don't spiral into drama.
The ups and downs becomes part of the journey and that's how we alter, find out and grow . By continuing to talk, have dialogues like this, that is the trick to successful parent and teenagers relationships. Relationships are established through the effort we took into our communications. Comprehending what each other is thinking.
Do not bring your role from work to house
she said, "There is no such thing as ideal parent." I totally agreed with her. She included, "I just desire you to be a normal parent." I was questioning what is a typical parent. Then she stated, "Just like when you are a principal, when you go home do not become a principal, so stringent with your kids." Ha! I got it. She said, "Don't bring your training thing house." We simply don't want to hear you training us. Thanks for advising me!
Favorable Feedback
I showed her that I am extremely pleased with her, highlighting how she have lists for her to-do-list. How she kept to her word. I like it when she speak calmly. The ending was sweet. She fried omelet for me. My feedback to her was that this little gesture revealed that she cares for me and I am very grateful, I love it. Time to celebrate.
Simply this early morning when I had the very same stuck state with my youngest child now 14. I was grieving how I got into this stuck state. When I asked her what was the irritating part, she might not relate to the particular incidents.
Just workout and let the hormones balance. We just do not desire to hear you coaching us.