Grief does not move in a straight line. It rolls in, heavy and disorienting, then seems to recede just long enough for you to catch a breath before the next swell arrives. If you pay attention, you can feel those waves in your body as much as in your thoughts. Tightness in the throat, a hollow ache in the sternum, a jitter under the ribs as if your body wants to run with nowhere to go. Somatic Experiencing, often called SE, gives us a way to work directly with those physical currents so the waves become more rideable. Not smaller or trivial, just more navigable.
I have sat with people at kitchen tables and in quiet therapy rooms as they learn, slowly, how to let the body participate in mourning rather than fight it. We are not forcing catharsis or suppressing emotion. We are building capacity. When the nervous system has a bit more room, grief can do its vital work without taking the entire system offline.
How grief lives in the body
Grief is not only sadness. It carries protest, dread, love, longing, anger, relief, and stunned silence. The autonomic nervous system registers loss as a profound disruption of safety and connection. For some, that means a dominance of sympathetic activation, the go system. You might feel restless, unable to sit through a meal, breath coming high and thin. For others, the dorsal vagal branch of the parasympathetic system takes the lead, the shut down system. You might feel heavy and numb, time moving slowly, food tasting like cardboard. Many people cycle between the two.
These are not defects. They are survival responses doing their best to manage an impossible task. In trauma therapy across different modalities, including somatic experiencing, we respect those responses. We aim to help the body complete what got interrupted, then find a softer baseline. That often looks like a tremor that rolls through the legs after a hard memory, a warm wash of tears that leaves the face relaxed, a spontaneous deeper breath that was not there for weeks.
What somatic experiencing offers
Somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine and shaped over decades by clinicians worldwide, is a gentle, body-first approach to healing stress and trauma. In grief work, we use SE to help the nervous system digest the stress load of loss. The method is deceptively simple.
We track sensations. We slow down the narrative enough to notice micro-signals. We build and return to resources. We let the body move a little, then rest. Two key principles guide the work:
Titration, meaning we touch difficult material in small doses, then step back to safety. Big, overwhelming catharsis is not the goal. If a wave is too high, we step out, orient to the room, sip water, and wait for capacity to return.
Pendulation, meaning we move between states, from activation to ease and back, on purpose. This back and forth helps the nervous system learn flexibility. Over time, the pendulum swings with less whiplash and more grace.
An SE session might include orienting to the physical space, experimenting with postures that invite the body to settle, or letting a hand press gently against the chest where the ache sits. Sometimes we work with impulses to move, like the urge to curl forward, or a desire to push against something firm. Other times we do very little, letting quiet do the heavy lifting while we track tiny signs of settling.
A glimpse inside the room
A composite example: Ari, 42, lost her father after a surgical complication. She walked in with a headache and a stubborn lump in her throat that had not budged for two months. When she spoke about the hospital, her hands clutched her scarf. In SE, we slow that down.
I asked her to describe the lump without pushing for a story. On a scale from 0 to 10, she called it a 7, tight and cold. We spent a minute orienting to the room. Her eyes landed on a photograph on the wall. She exhaled without noticing. The lump eased to a 6.
Then she felt a hot surge of anger about the consent form. Her breath went shallow. Instead of diving into detail, I invited her to push her palms into the armrests of the chair. She did, and her jaw trembled. After 20 seconds, her shoulders dropped. The lump softened to a 4. Only then did we let two sentences about the consent form emerge. The tears came, warm rather than choking. Another breath found her. She left reporting the headache down from a 6 to a 2 and slept four uninterrupted hours that night for the first time in weeks.
That session was not dramatic. It was precise, and it honored the body’s pace. Over several meetings, Ari learned to recognize early signs of spiraling, to ground her feet, to let the tears move when they wanted to. Her grief did not disappear. It fit in her life in a new way.
The power of orienting
When grief surges, the visual field often narrows and the body braces. Orienting is one of the simplest SE tools. It reintroduces the present moment to a nervous system caught in a loop of memory or dread. You can practice this at home.
- Let your head and eyes move slowly to look around the room. Name three objects silently. Allow your neck to move at the pace that feels pleasant. Notice colors and shapes. Let your eyes land on something neutral or slightly pleasing, like a plant or a patch of light. Feel the support under you. If seated, sense the chair under your thighs and the floor under your feet. If standing, feel the weight shift through your arches. Invite one deeper breath without forcing it. Exhale through pursed lips if it helps. Check your body for a small sign of settling, such as warmth in your hands, a sigh, a yawn, or saliva returning to your mouth.
Five to ninety seconds of orienting, repeated several times a day, can reduce the intensity of spikes and increase the distance between waves.
Acute grief and grief that lingers
In the first weeks after a loss, the nervous system is flooded. Sleep shreds, appetite changes, days blur. In this phase, SE work must be light and conservative. I focus on stabilizing the basics and preventing overwhelm: gentle orienting, body support like weighted blankets or a firm cushion behind the back, minimal processing of memory. Think 5 to 15 minute practices, twice a day. I might schedule two short meetings or calls in a week rather than one long session.
When grief lingers past its initial storm, or when old traumas wrap around the loss, we can go deeper. That may include tracking the arcs of specific memories for short segments, letting protective responses complete in safe ways. For example, a father who could not reach his child in the ICU might work with the impulse to reach and hold, using a pillow as a substitute while monitoring body signals closely. Dose makes the medicine. If activation spikes beyond a 6 out of 10, we return to resource.
Complicated grief, often defined by persistent, impairing symptoms beyond 12 months, can come with rigid patterns of avoidance or persistent hyperarousal. Here, SE integrates well with other trauma therapy modalities, such as EMDR or trauma-informed cognitive approaches. There is no single correct sequence. The right order depends on the person’s capacity, culture, and support system.
Integrative mental health therapy and grief
SE is strongest when embedded in integrative mental health therapy. Grief touches sleep, nutrition, hormones, relationships, and work. I routinely coordinate with primary care physicians to rule out issues like thyroid dysfunction, anemia, or cardiac strain that can mimic or compound grief symptoms. Short term sleep medication, used wisely and not as the only tool, can protect a nervous system from spiraling. Light exposure within an hour of waking helps anchor circadian rhythm. Gentle movement, even a 10 minute outdoor walk, shifts autonomic balance.
Grief also disrupts digestion. Warm, simple foods, consistent hydration, and magnesium glycinate at night, after medical clearance, often support rest. If alcohol crept in as a numbing agent, I discuss safer replacements that calm without rebound effects, like nonalcoholic bitters or warm tea with lemon and honey. These are small levers with outsized effects when used alongside somatic work.
Community matters. A standing weekly dinner with one trusted friend can offer enough co-regulation to turn a week. Spiritual practices or rituals can be potent regulators if they match the person’s belief system. A candle lit at dusk, a song played at the same time each evening, a pebble carried in a pocket and touched when a wave builds. These are not trinkets. They are anchors.
The Safe and Sound Protocol, used carefully
Some clients benefit from the Safe and Sound Protocol, a listening intervention developed by Stephen Porges that uses filtered music to engage the social engagement system. In practice, I introduce SSP only when someone has a baseline of stability. The sessions are short, often 15 to 30 minutes, and we pair them with live tracking of sensations. The goal is not to feel blissful. It is to gently stimulate pathways that support connection and calm.
SSP is not right for everyone. People with sound sensitivity or a history of manic activation may find it too stimulating early on. When it fits, it can widen the window of tolerance so other grief work proceeds with less friction. I have seen clients report easier tears, a softer jaw, and fewer startle responses on days they listened, with improvements that consolidated over several weeks.
Rest and restore protocol, a practical frame
I use the phrase rest and restore protocol to describe a personalized routine that cues the nervous system to downshift, especially in the evening. It is not a branded program, just a set of practices that, stacked together, make rest more reliable.
A typical plan includes a 20 to 30 minute digital sunset two hours before bed, warm shower or bath to raise and then gently drop body temperature, low light focused at floor level, slow music without lyrics, and a winding-down ritual such as journaling three lines about the day. Some add 5 minutes of diaphragmatic breathing in a position that feels supportive, like knees-draped-over-cushions on the floor. People often report changes in sleep onset within a week. Consistency matters more than intensity.
This protocol pairs naturally with somatic experiencing. If tears arrive during the routine, let them. If anger shows up, give it a safe channel like pressing hands into a pillow for 10 seconds and releasing. The point is to give the body predictable cues that it can shift from guard to rest.
Working with the edges
Not all grief is clear. Ambiguous loss, such as dementia or incarceration, carries a particular nervous system bind. The body prepares for action, then hits the futility of no actionable target. In these cases, SE work often centers on movement that acknowledges the impulse to act without pretending we can fix the unfixable. Pushing a wall, then softening. Reaching, then drawing close. It sounds simple until you feel the relief of giving the body something true to do.
Sudden loss can carry trauma signatures like intrusive images, startle responses, and avoidance of reminders. Here, we are careful with imagery. We might build capacity for two months before touching the most disturbing images, using titration so the body does not flood. On the other hand, anticipated loss sometimes leaves people numb and ashamed they are not showing enough outward grief. In those cases, we look for micro-movements under the surface. A slight tightness in the back of the tongue might become the first doorway to authentic crying.
Dissociation complicates everything. If someone goes foggy and loses time during sessions, we back way up. We establish strong anchors in the room, sometimes co-working with a psychiatrist to stabilize with medication. Safety trumps progress every time. This is where integrative care shines, because one provider should not hold the entire weight.
What a session often looks like
Most sessions run 50 minutes. The pace is slow. We might spend the first five minutes just arriving in https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/rest-and-restore-protocol the room. A typical flow:
We check on the body right now. Not the story, just the body. Where is there tension, tingling, pressure, warmth, or absence of sensation. We choose one area to attend to. If the throat is a 7 and the hands feel neutral, we might spend a minute with the neutral hands first. Then we approach the throat, watching for signals of too much like breath holding or shoulder bracing. If activation rises rapidly, we pause and return to resource, which might be the feel of shoes on the carpet or the weight of the chair.
If a memory asks for attention, we approach a single moment rather than the whole event. If the image is the last look exchanged before the ventilator was removed, we hover at the edges, letting small pieces land. The body will often find a natural sequence, like a chest contraction followed by a tremor in the legs, then a softening. We stop not when the mind is satisfied but when the body shows a sign of integration, such as a deeper breath or a yawn.
People sometimes worry that if they start crying, they will not stop. In practice, tears tend to move in arcs of 30 to 90 seconds when supported by tracking and breath. The nervous system does not want to drown. It wants completion.
How to know you are making progress
Therapy for grief does not grade itself with a single number. You look for signs that the system is learning to move. These signals are often small and concrete: you remember to drink water without forcing it, you can sit through a 20 minute meal, you fall back asleep in 15 minutes instead of 2 hours after a 3 a.m. Wake-up, you can tell a friend a story without clenching your jaw. Someone once told me the first real sign was humming while washing dishes. Another said they could finally drive past the hospital without holding their breath.
Progress also shows up in choice. You notice you can choose to let a wave pass rather than chase it with stimulus, or you can choose to stay home when a gathering would overload you. That kind of agency does not erase grief. It changes your relationship with it.
When not to push
There are days when the right move is to do nothing. If you have a fever, are sleep deprived to the point of cognitive slippage, or feel a pull toward self-harm, do not dive into deep somatic work. Call your clinician, focus on basics, or go to urgent care. People with severe cardiac conditions should clear breath practices and intense crying work with their physician. If intrusive images lead to flashbacks that pull you out of awareness, ground first, process later. There is no prize for going fast.
Practical supports you can try this week
Start small. Choose two practices and give them seven days.
- The 10 percent rule. If you track a sensation at a 7 out of 10, step out when it reaches 7.7. Let the next 10 percent wait for another day. This prevents overwhelm and builds trust with your body. Bookend grief. Pick a 10 minute window each day when you will sit somewhere safe, bring a photo or object if you wish, and let whatever comes, come. When the timer rings, orient to the room, stand, and do a brief task like folding two towels. This teaches your nervous system that grief has a place and also an end point.
Notice whether sleep, appetite, or social tolerance shifts at all over the week. Micro-gains count.
Choosing a qualified practitioner
Good fit matters as much as training. When you interview potential therapists, ask targeted questions to test both skill and chemistry.
- How do you use somatic experiencing when working with grief specifically, and what does a first session look like. How do you monitor and prevent overwhelm during sessions, and what are your signs to pause. How do you coordinate with medical providers or other members of an integrative mental health therapy team if needed. What is your policy on between-session contact if I hit a hard wave, and how do you support crisis planning. How do you incorporate or respect cultural and spiritual practices around mourning.
Look for someone who answers concretely, respects your pace, and can describe body signs they watch for. Certification in SE, often listed as SEP, indicates formal training, but style and presence still matter. Trust your gut.
Where touch, breath, and movement fit
Somatic experiencing sometimes uses touch, always with explicit consent and clear boundaries. Touch might include a hand on the shoulder blade to support a breath that wants to deepen, or gentle contact at the back of the ribs to invite expansion. Some people prefer no touch at all. That is fine. Breath is similar. Forcing big breaths can make anxiety worse. We look for breath that emerges as a result of settling, not breath that is imposed on a braced system.
Movement can be therapeutic when it matches the body’s impulse. Pushing against a wall for 10 seconds, letting the legs tremble while supported, rocking gently, even a brief shake of the hands. If movement spikes dizziness, nausea, or a sense of leaving the room, we back off. The motto is less is more.
Culture, family, and permission
Grief is social. Some families want loud, communal mourning. Others hold grief tight and private. In therapy, we make room for those patterns. If cultural rituals exist, they can structure the somatic work. A weekly memorial service can be the time-bound container for deeper waves. A traditional meal can become the sensory anchor that reminds the body of continuity. If your culture discourages overt emotion, we might find subtle channels, like silent prayer, hand on heart for one minute, or walking a specific path in the neighborhood each morning.
There is no correct way to grieve. There is your way, which may shift over time. Therapy offers permission to listen for that shifting.
How SE, SSP, and ritual knit together
On a typical care plan, I might meet weekly for somatic experiencing sessions, recommend daily orienting and a rest and restore protocol for evenings, and consider the safe and sound protocol after three or four weeks if the system stays too revved or shut down. We track objective markers like sleep onset time, number of nighttime awakenings, appetite, and social engagement minutes per day. We do not depend on any single tool. The value comes from how the pieces interlock around your specific nervous system.
Over two to three months, many clients report more predictable days, less fear of their own emotions, and a sense that love and loss can coexist without canceling each other. Those outcomes do not mean grief is finished. They mean you can carry it.
Final thoughts for the long road
Grief will change you. Somatic work does not try to stop that change. It tries to keep the channel open so the change is honest rather than calcified. The body knows how to complete waves, given safe context and patient pacing. Right-size doses, regular anchoring, and compassionate company go a long way.
If you are in the thick of it, take an hour and build a very small plan. One orienting practice in the morning, one rest and restore routine at night, and a short window where you intentionally let yourself feel. Add a person on speed dial who will pick up most of the time. If professional support is available, choose someone skilled in trauma therapy and somatic experiencing who respects your culture and your tempo.
That is how we move through the waves. Not by muscling through, not by numbing, but by learning the language of the body and letting it guide us toward steadier shores.
Address: 550 SE 6th Ave, Suite 200-M, Delray Beach, FL 33483
Phone: 954-228-0228
Website: https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/
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Amy Hagerstrom Therapy PLLC provides somatic and integrative psychotherapy for adults who want mind-body support that goes beyond talk alone.
The practice serves clients throughout Florida and Illinois through online sessions, with Delray Beach listed as the office and mailing location.
Adults in Delray Beach, Boca Raton, West Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, and nearby communities can explore support for trauma, anxiety, chronic stress, burnout, and midlife transitions.
Amy Hagerstrom is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner who works with clients in a steady, nervous-system-informed way.
This practice is suited to people who want therapy that includes body awareness, emotional processing, and whole-person support in addition to conversation.
Sessions are private pay, typically 55 minutes, and a superbill may be available for clients using out-of-network benefits.
For local connection in Delray Beach and surrounding areas, the practice uses 550 SE 6th Ave, Suite 200-M, Delray Beach, FL 33483 as its office and mailing address.
To learn more or request a consultation, call 954-228-0228 or visit https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/.
For a public listing reference with hours and map context, see https://maps.app.goo.gl/VZTFSS2fq1YPv7Rs5.
Popular Questions About Amy Hagerstrom Therapy PLLC
What services does Amy Hagerstrom Therapy PLLC offer?
Amy Hagerstrom Therapy PLLC offers somatic therapy, integrative mental health therapy, the Safe and Sound Protocol, the Rest and Restore Protocol, and support for concerns including trauma, anxiety, and midlife stress.Is therapy online or in person?
The website describes online therapy for adults across Florida and Illinois, and some service pages mention limited in-person availability in Delray Beach.Who does the practice work with?
The practice describes its work as being for adults, especially thoughtful adults dealing with trauma, anxiety, chronic stress, burnout, and nervous-system-based stress patterns.What is Somatic Experiencing?
Somatic Experiencing is described on the site as a body-based approach that helps people work with nervous system responses to stress and trauma instead of relying on insight alone.What are the session fees?
The fees page states that individual therapy sessions are $200 and typically run 55 minutes.Does the practice accept insurance?
The website says the practice is not in-network with insurance and can provide a monthly superbill for possible out-of-network reimbursement.Where is the office located?
The official website lists the office and mailing address as 550 SE 6th Ave, Suite 200-M, Delray Beach, FL 33483.How can I contact Amy Hagerstrom Therapy PLLC?
Publicly available contact routes include tel:+19542280228, https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/, https://www.instagram.com/amy.experiencing/, https://www.youtube.com/@AmyHagerstromTherapyPLLC, https://www.facebook.com/p/Amy-Hagerstrom-Therapy-PLLC-61579615264578/, https://www.linkedin.com/company/111299965, https://www.tiktok.com/@amyhagerstromtherapypllc, and https://x.com/amy_hagerstrom. The official website does not publicly list an email address.Landmarks Near Delray Beach, FL
Atlantic Avenue — A central Delray Beach corridor and one of the area’s best-known local reference points. If you live, work, or spend time near Atlantic Avenue, visit https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/ to learn more about therapy options.Old School Square — A historic downtown campus at Atlantic and Swinton that anchors local arts, events, and community gatherings. If you are near this part of downtown Delray, the practice serves adults in the area and across Florida and Illinois.
Pineapple Grove — A walkable arts district just off Atlantic Avenue that is well known to local residents and visitors. If you are nearby, you can review services and consultation details at https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/.
Sandoway Discovery Center — A South Ocean Boulevard landmark that connects Delray Beach residents and visitors to coastal nature and marine education. If Beachside is part of your routine, the practice maintains a Delray Beach office and mailing address for local relevance.
Atlantic Dunes Park — A recognizable Delray Beach coastal park with boardwalk access and dune scenery. People based near the ocean side of Delray can learn more about scheduling through https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/.
Wakodahatchee Wetlands — A well-known western Delray destination with a boardwalk and wildlife viewing. If you are on the west side of Delray Beach or nearby communities, the practice offers online therapy throughout Florida.
Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens — A major Delray Beach cultural landmark west of downtown. Clients across Delray Beach and surrounding areas can start with https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/ or tel:+19542280228.
Delray Beach Tennis Center — A public sports landmark just west of Atlantic Avenue and a familiar point of reference in central Delray. If you are near this area, visit https://www.amyhagerstrom.com/ for service details and consultation information.