Final Medical Checkup

Today I went see a doctor for the second medical checkup after I had surgery. I felt depressed in the waiting room. The doctor told me my intrauterine state was good with diagnosis in utero so I did't have to go to the hospital any more. At night I reported the positive result to my husband and he hugged me.

I think I'll work on my Ph.D. dissertation to overcome this hard time. If I look at the matter from a different point of view, I've got much time to concentrate on writing the dissertation. I won't study too hard but I want to keep working diligently every day.

Posted by Kelly

Like an American Teacher

I've decided to take an online English lesson at least once a day or twice a day because I've figured out I need to have more exposure to English to improve my English skills. (´∀｀)

Today I talked to a new teacher, R-sensei, whom I considered to an understanding enough but a kind of less experienced teacher. The good thing is he spoke English like a native speaker living in the U.S. His ten-year experiences in the U.S. tells the whys behind.

The Filipino teachers I usually talk to at the institute are good since they allow me to have many opportunities to speak English for a very reasonable price. However, I thought I needed to speak English with native speakers who speak much faster without the Filipino twang additionally, probably at least once a week.

Here is his background. In 1990, he moved to Maryland in the U.S. due to his mother's business. (His mother moved to the States earlier in 1985.) He had a hard time at high school there partly because of his poor English. Then he moved to Alaska with her. He wanted to get a government loan to enter a university but it didn't work well so that he started to work at McDonald's, Taco Bell, or something like that. In 1995, he came back to his homeland, the Philippines and started to go to university. However, things didn't work and he moved back to the U.S. again. Then he had several jobs including as a truck driver. He got divorced in 1999 and started living separately from his wife and his two-year-old kid back then. Finally he came back to the Philippines in 2001 and settled down working for an insurance company. He's started to work at the English institute and actually this is his first time to teach English. During our conversation, he also mentioned racism, which he had to deal with in the U.S. I could only imagine how hard his life had been as an immigrant with a single mother in the U.S. He extended the lesson time, actually doubled it, which is very rare at the institute.

Anyway, I'm glad the instituion finally has an teacher with the "American twang." His teaching skills might be questionable, though. (￣Д￣；；

I almost spent much money for another online English institute, which supposedly had only native speakers and I was actually considering trying it once a week. But now I don't think so. I'll see how things go for a while.

Posted by Kelly

BootCamp Works!

My husband purchased the Billy's BootCamp DVDs recently because we hadn't worked out for several weeks due to my pregnancy and miscarriage.

I considered my husband to be in good shape but he strongly recommended the dvds for us to work out together at home. I also wanted to start the workout program because I needed to tone my body after the surgery for miscarriage.

We started using it on June 16. We think this is a tough workout program and our muscles are sore. We use a backrub to relieve muscle pain when we go to bed. (;´Д`)ノ

This is a physically and mentally challenging workout. We've only gotten through the first and second missions and I'm feeling more toned than I expected. Today is the fifth day and we'll be using the BootCamp DVDs on a regular basis. I think it is awesome and definitely a challenge. I hope it tones my body like I want it to. (´∀｀)

The best thing is we enjoy workout together! It's fun and motivating. We love it!

Posted by Kelly

Tentative Timetable

Here's my tentative timetable for the Ph.D. dissertation!

June and July 2007:

-- Keep working on chapter 3-5 at my own pace

-- Put everything that comes to mind in the thesis first

and revise it later to find my bearings

August and September 2007 - summer vacation:

-- Do my best to revise what's done in June and July

to get ready for a meeting with mentors

-- Make main points of my thesis as clear as possible,

which should be specific as well as connected to

more general issues

-- Also, start to work on chapter 1and 2

October 2007

-- Have a meeting with mentors to ask for advice

October - March 2008

-- Finish writing all chapters, which don't have to be refined

-- Keep getting my bearings

April 2008 - September 2008

-- Keep revising and reach a coherent notion of the

dissertation

-- Visit the States once to do more research

October 2008

-- Submit the Ph.D. dissertation to mentors provisionally

(It's quite likely that they'll tell me to take one more year

or half a year to revise it.)

March 2009

-- Submit the finalized Ph.D. dissertation

I started to take a doctor's course in April 2003. According to the university rules, I would have to turn in a Ph.D. dissertation to university by March 2009 to earn a Ph.D if I had not taken a leave of absence to study at a doctoral program in the States. Since I took a leave of absence for two years, I need to submit a finalized dissertation by March 2011 at the latest.

There is no telling what will happen to me so I think I should set realistic and concrete targets to complete the dissertation by March 2009.

And last but not least, don't work too hard, enjoy the process all the time, and be grateful to my husband and parents, who

have supported me with study. (*^ー^)ノ

Posted by Kelly

Diagnosis after Surgery

Yesterday I went to clinic to see if everything was going well after surgery.

I got there just before noon and had to wait for my turn for two hours since it was so crowded with pregnant women and mothers with their baby.

With diagnosis in uterus, the doctor told me the intrauterine state got almost "clean" and it was okay for me to start taking a bath again.

I had taken two kinds of medicine: antibiotic, and uterine atonia and hemostasis and had taken a shower, not being allowed to take a bath for the last five days after surgery was done. I had bleeding and pain, which made me take a pain killer two times.

The doctor told me to come back only one more time next week for the last diagnosis.

After clinic, I went to university to work as a T.A. and then studied for my Ph.D. dissertation in the library for a few hours. Then I got an phone call from my husband aroud 6:30pm and went home. Coming home, he helped me to cook some vegitable dishes and sandwiches with ham, lettuce, and egg, which was really good!

He was so relieved to know about the positive result of diagnosis. He gave me a warm hug and said, "That's great! I'm very glad that you're getting better!"

I don't have any pain now and want to work hard on my dissertation and improve my English skills until I conceive a baby next time.

I also want to resume getting some exercise in a few days since I got three kilograms during pregnancy, But you know what? Finally, my husband ordered "Billy's BootCamp" online last night!! It should be delievered in a week and we're excited to try it!

Posted by Kelly

Resumption of Work on Ph.D. dissertation

I resumed work on my Ph.D. dissertation yesterday, June 9, Saturday. My husband and I went to McDonald's near our place and I revised the outline of my study while he studied English. I was pretty glad that I finally got to start working on the thesis and so was he since he also resumed studying English! (*^ー^)ノ

Today my husband and I enjoyed studying at Starbucks until my parents joined us for dinner and had bibimbap.

Actually, I haven't been studying for that since February this year, when I passed the Ph.D. candidate examination. Here is the process I went through.

Just after the Ph.D candinate exam, my grandfather passed away, which made me so sad and depressed for a long time. I was worn out so decided to stop working on the dissertation temporarily to divert myself.

Then it turned out I got pregnant at the beginning of May. I was suffering from morning sickness so I couldn't concentrate on studying due to the physical condition as well as loss of motivation.

I had surgery for miscarriage four days ago. I'm getting better physically although I sometimes have a slight bleeding and pain.

Yesterday morning, I realized that I got motivated to work on my dissertation again after a long time and talked to my husband about that. He encouraged me to translate ideas into action and said, "Let's study together at university or some place on weekends so that you can work on the thesis and I'll study English!"

Posted by Kelly

Surgery

I couldn't help shedding tears while the doctor pretreated for surgery last evening. I gave written informed consent before procedure and the doctor stuffed something in uterine entrance. The fee was 5,490 yen. My mom was with me at hospital and took me home after that. She also brought some dishes she'd cooked for my husband and me. They were delicious.

I had surgery for miscarriage today. My husband took a day off and took me to hospital around 8:50am. We were surprised to find my brother there. After diagnosis, a nurse took us to room 201 and I changed clothes. They started to give me an intravenous glucose drip around 9:30am.

Actually, a nurse failed to make an injection and she said it was because my blood vessels are thin. Then another nurse, Ms. Andou, came and did it well. I was pretty nervous about the coming surgery and very thankful to my husband, mom, and brother for being with me.

Around 10:30am, a nurse asked me to move to an operation room and lie on a surgical bed. Before leaving, I shaked hands with my husband and mom but I couldn't do that with my brother at that time. I found a tear shedding due to mixed feelings such as worries and sadness. I tried to think about going to Kinkozan, a stake restaurant, after surgery to cheer me up.

They gave me a general anesthetic (I heard a nurse saying it was supposed to work for 32 minutes.) and a nurse made an injection on my shoulder. Then I lost my senses soon.

I barely remember someone, probably the doctor, calling my name but I don't know when it was. It was like I was lost in space of different dimensions where there was no sense of gravity.

I was in room 201 when I became conscious again, hearing my husband talking to me, "You are okay! The surgery was done! We took a step forward! You did well!" I tried to talk to him, "Done? Done...? I felt bad. Than you, all of you."

When I came to, I was crying and heard my mother sobbing quietly. I also remember I said, "Where is my brother? I couldn't shake hands with him before I left for the operation room." I closed my eyes and still lost half of my senses but I got to shake hands with him.

I sensed my husband keeping touching me softly on a right arm and shoulder to cheer me up. I always felt my husband with me and that made me relieved though I still felt bad.

I tried to say, "Thank you, husband, mom, and brother." However, I recognized I couldn't speak well even though I heard any sounds and voices clearly.

According to my husband, I came back to room 201 around 11:00am and I became conscious soon. It took me 30 minutes to feel a little better and felt asleep. Sometimes a nurse came to check my condition and blood pressure. I heard her saying "The maximal pressure is 128."

I woke up around 12:10 and still felt dizzy. This time, I was able to speak clearly to my husband and mom. A nurse took me to the doctor's office downstairs in a wheelchair. He examined me for signs of uterine damage. The doctor didn't say anything that made us feel relieaved, like "Everythings went well." So my husband asked him, "Is everything done okay?"

Then we went back upstaris to room 201. I didn't feel good and lay on the bed again.

I woke up around 1:30pm and realized I felt much better. Then we got ready to leave home. The fee was 16,600yen. They prescribed two kinds of medicines: antibiotic and uterine atonia (shikan) hemostasis (shiketsu), which I'm supposed to take after every meal.

We left hospital around 1:40pm. We were thankful to the doctor and nurses for the fact the surgery was going well.

My mom left some money for us and bought us sushi, some dishes, and pumpkin cakes. We were talking about going to Kinkozan together before I had surgery but I didn't have craving for it. Sushi and pumpkin cakes are the only food I felt like eating. My husband and I enjoyed having them at home and they were yummy! I think my mom's been tired so I hope she takes a rest and gets better soon. Then we took a nap.

In the evening, my husband called his parents to let them know about miscarriage. He said they were worried about my health condtion and told him that there would be another chance to cheer us up.

Now it's 9:30pm and I haven't had any pain or bleeding since I came home. I called the hospital to make sure if "no bleeding" was okay. According to her, the symptom I mentioned to her was no problem and she recommended I should call them again in case of massive bleeding.

Today was the day I really felt my family care about me and I'm so grateful to them. I also think I can go through any hardship since I AM with my beloved husband. THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Posted by Kelly

Miscarriage II

Today my husband and I went to hospital and the doctor said I needed to have surgery for miscarriage some time next week.

A nurse checked my heartbeat and did a blood test and blood-pressure check. My maximal blood pressure was 110 and minimal pressure 70, which was usual for me.

I have to go to hospital on June 5, Tuesday to get something done for surgery, which I'll have the next day, on June 6.

We think the best thing to get over the pain is take a step forward and keep possitive. We discussed which songs we'd work on together for fun with him playing the violin and me playing the piano. Then we decided to practice "Aria on the G String" by Bach and "Hitomiwo Tojite" by Ken Hirai.

We also enjoyed eating out today because I told him I had a craving for Indian curry and Chinese fried rice. We went to Eikoku-ya for lunch and Bamiyan for dinner.

Anyway, we hope everything goes well to conceive a baby in the near future...

Posted by Kelly

Miscarriage (9W1D)

My husband and I went see the doctor for the third medical checkup today.

The doctor told us that I might be having a miscarriage since he couldn't hear heartbeat of my baby with diagnosis in uterus.

I was so shocked and sad that I couldn't help leaving the doctor's office soon after I heard his explaination about the possibility of miscarriage. I shed tears outside of the room and my husband tried cheering me up.

I felt completely worn out after we left the hospital. I called my mom and emailed my brother to let them know about the result.

My husband said to me, "We'll get through our loss together. I believe we'll have another chance to conceive a baby. The thing is I'll be always happy as long as you are with me -- even if we don't get such a chance in the future for some reason."

Knowing he also got shocked with my miscarriage, I appreciate his thoughtful words of comfort...

In the afternoon, my mom, husband and I met S-sensei, who was a memorable homeroom teacher in my elementary school days. We had a good time at a cafe near our place. After he left, my dad joined us for dinner at tokubei. They cheered me up and I somehow found the strength to endure the tragic burden.

I'm supposed to see the doctor in a week. I think I've got to accept the fact...

Posted by Kelly

Getting Over My Cold. (8W4D)

Finally, I'm getting over my cold!

I still have stubborn coughs, though. (;´д｀)ゞ

I've been sick for over ten days.... I realize my immune systems are compromised due to pregnancy.　

I have morning sickness again and having grapefruits helps relieve morning sickness.

It seems like I've kept eating to ease morning sickness sympton and I've gained weight. (￣_￣ i)

My husband and I are supposed to go see the doctor for the third medical checkup in five days and I really hope we get to hear cardiac beat of my baby then.　

Posted by Kelly