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| READ [PDF] Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village | MACKENZIE, THE PRIVATE SECRETARY “I’ve served this family for two hundred and thirty . . . I mean, twenty years. REGINALD, THE CHILD Hangs out in the walls, keeps spiders in bottles, studies nineteenth-century dental procedures, collects lithographs of major historical fires. THE OLDEST RESIDENT They're the hardest to kill for a reason. THE PUB Locals gather here at any time of day to enjoy a pint of cider and a chat. You, however, are not a local. The moment you enter the pub, you will be observed from every corner. You will be wound in a fabric of pleasant conversation as you are consumed. THAT SUIT OF ARMOR, THE ONE WITHOUT A SWORD Unlikely to kill you. It doesn't even have a sword. Wait. Didn't it have a sword before? Anyway, this is where they put your body after you’ve been murdered in order to surprise and terrify the others, so there’s really no point in worrying about it. THE POND Full of the skeletons of Victorian children
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