what what what..

I have a BF...kind of BF.
I always...no almost I call him or send to text msg.
but 2days ago, I decided about I'm not gonna call him
anymore. cuz I always thinking about him.
Recently even I study.

so I decided about that. then I can study hard.
I just didn't call him and send a msg.

last night I was studying and outside was so noisy.
cuz there had a big party. actually everybody call me
and said to me `Come over!!!" but feeling was so bad so
I didn't. and I couldn't studying so I was thinking
about him a little bit.

I should break w/ him or not.
why he didn't call me?
he likes me? or not...??

like that.
then suddenly he called me. so I was wondering he used
a something good magic or what?? haha
and he told me `I...just call you...ya...what are you
doing tonight? I'm working now so after the work about
3O'clock can I call you??" and something.

I was so suprised.
and after the work he called me.
I was suprised again. cuz it was 3a.m.....
usually he call me morning or send a msg to me.
but last night, it was different...

I was worried about him...and he asked me
`hey...can I hang out w/ me?? or do you wanna watch
a movie w/ me??" haha he's so cute.
so I said ` ya...okey..."

and I went to his house. he was looking like puppy.
and I was so tired so we went to the bed soon.
and we talked about everything.
and I was telling about something sad story...
no actually he asked me a lot WHY...
so I told everything.

and he suddenly told me
`Plz...don't kill by yourself..." I was so suprised...
cuz he had a really good Japanese friend.
She was always smiling and laughing and hang out w/ her
a lot. but when she went to the Hawaii, she suddenly
killed by herself...
and someday he told me `You look like my friend!! she's
not here but look like her..."
and my friends told that too to me.

so he was worried about me a lot...no...
I never trying do that... I never...
he told me `I'm so afraid about you. suddenly you
disapper to me someday..." and he tight hagged to me...

I don't know what he wants me...
I don't know...

weak points

I am coward, lier, obstinate and...ya alot...so I am fuckin bitch...I think...

When I had a something bad for me, I always thought I am poor....but I'm not.

I just I am selfish.

I always get a touble by myself. but I always thought `Not My Foult!!"

but that my foult...always...

I always think about priority. But I always just thinking and I never do that...

why didn't do that by myself...I don't know...just I didn't want to do that.

I don't wanna go back to Japan.

no no...actually I want. but I don't want.

why...

it is easy answer for me.

cuz I didn't pass the TOEFL, so I can't go back there.

if i went back to Japan, my dad and mom mad at me a lot.

I know that. so I dodn't want.

I am really chicken...I know that.

I have to change my mind...

so tomorrow...Im gonna change.

okey I decided.

★I never call him from me.

★I always do study hard.

kind of hard for me cuz I always thinkikng about that.

but I didn't.

and I have to promis these.

I swear.

I want to.....

I wanna do something a lot....

I wanna see my kind of boyfriend...

actually last night I wanna call him so much, but I couldn't do that...

cuz kind of afraid of him.......cuz I don't know he likes me or not....

moreover I thought he was working last night...but maybe not.....

cuz my Saudi friend send to message me.

and he was in his house and chillin. but Im not sure...cuz not just him.

he has three roommates so....ya....

I wanna meet my family....

I really really miss my fam so much now...I really wanna see them so much...soooo much!!

but I can't now. cuz I don't pass the test yet...so Im trying study hard now...

cuz next month, Im gonna back to Japan...so if I can't pass the test,

I can't go back!!!!!

but I really love my fam so much...

I wanna meet my friends...

ya...omg..ooooo myyyyyyyy goooooooood!!!!!!!! I really really reallllllllllllly miss my all friends so much...

when I will go back to Japan, I really wanna meet my all friends!!

all my friends are the SHIT!! fuckin SHIT!! they are awsome!!!

really really miss them......

I wanna go to Japan.....

Im missing Japan so much.

Im missing Japanease food so much.

actually I hate American food....so fuckin awwwwwwww!!! you know mean...lol

fuckin asshole!!

some American food is so nice. but almost foods are so growse and oily...

sorty....sweeeeeeeetyyyy.....ya....

and I wanna go to the spa!!! in here don't have a spa....just shower...haha

NOT FUNNY for me...

I wanna go back to Ireland......

I wanna see my Irish friends again.....

both of sentence haven't reason.

I just can say I looooooooooooooooooove Ireland and Irish!!

fuckin awsome to there and them!!!

if you never been there, You Have To Go THERE!!!

I wanna meet my JH and High school teachers.......

they made me happy.........

I hated study but when I met them. I was gonna be LOVE STUDY......

please make me that again now.....

I wanna learn more English....

cuz I think my English is SUCKs.........

I have a lot of WANNA DO........