Beyond Universe and Around Me

The only way to go there.

Nature gave us a strong role.I might have no chance to fulfill the potentialThe only way to catch up wz wouldbeto discard nd sacrifice myselfconsciouslyto attain such graciousness-----Motherhood is magnificent.

Mt.Augustus.

U r the world largest monolith,Nothing budges u an inch,Standingsteadily,I love it.I can be water.Should u take me effectively,I could soak intoFromeven an electron-size of your crack,To give u a moist feeling.Id love to have both indirect and direct ties wz u.

One Of Universal Truth :P

A man always prides himself on being " the first someone's special ",A woman always tries to be " the last L'amant ".Yuming said.

じゃ、やっか。

Serenity will come later.

I forget everything elsewithin the arms.orI forget everything elseincluding the arms.Again and again,I m not interested inFake, Fumadiddle, Flout, Fame, and Fuck.Only Purusha knows.....

Fearless.

Thanks a lot, Taylor nd Rupa　☆

Diamond.

Onetear,Twotears,Three tears,Many tears....I ll turnthem all into...One diamond,Two diamonds,Three diamonds,Many diamonds....to share with you all.

When I Was 27.

I had a BF.He could not find a hope in his life at allafter having lost his arm by motorbike accident.We shared our wonderful time nd space withfor about 3 years,i could see him regaining his strength nd smiles,finally he plucked up courage to wear T-shirts.It was like.... an ordinary lovebirds,except for one thing......actually he was a married.... and had children.It was easy for me to imagineto support person who experienced such a big loss,was too difficult nd tough task for his wife also,no wonder their marriage had bin dysfunctional....they were too young to cope with that off-the-charts heavy challenge,He hd bin devastated nd torn apart,his wife must have bin worn-out also,they hd lost their way to go.After 3 years we had met,they divorced.Just a bit later,we said good-bye.At the last momenthe said to me," Thank you for your giving me smile nd courage."After seeing off his back,i cried.Because i could realizeI hd bin a " NEEDED "no matter wat my situation was.A small self satisfaction.Then, he remarried and now lives and enjoys his life again....with former wife nd his children.We sometimes talk on the phone even now,and feel something beyond words.It is, of coz, not sweet feeling,but mutual understanding.I guess,I will probably go next place where i will be needed,then leave,then find another place.....again nd again.Im not sure where is my last destination.

On the street on Xmas Day 2013.

These are for everyone.But this is only for you."Merry Merry Christmas"I appreciate being under the same sky.

To the last moment.

I am lucky.cos i have the last card.To quit.But they have no card to use apparently.So i guess i will support them to the last moment,doing my best.Well, that means i…almost cannotquit….haha, OK☆

Just started…hv passed the exam.

My Major is Buddhism nd Buddhism Psychology. My goal is not to be the person of religion,but to seek for the basic, intrinsic religiositythat deeply resides in all pplas a human beings….for better life and happy death.I believe that, along wz the modern technology, this would be a practical n efficient, tender way to support mind,and first of all, actually,the true way toward me, myself, and you.Looking forward to meeting u again,this time from the other point of view.Mutual understanding.Love u.

The Garden Of Dreams.

When i say i choose u.That includes whole of u …belong to, around, surround u.u know wat,u r so "glamorous" than u think.First, trust yourself,then, trust me ;)

New encounter again. また出会ったよ。

i goofed up at my job.Depressed, but i hd to take an important exam today.Though i was like that,something waited for me there wz surprising, special gift.I was not sure wat was it.I might hv said for this in the past,"God‘s will",the word now i cannot say easily….Now, i wonder if I should take plural or singular for the word of 'God'….Cos,i hv started taking a serious step in these 'FIELD'.Yeah, so strange nd wonderful the cognition of human beings is….U change, then things slightly sometimes totally change.Today,i appreciated "it" for bringing me a new great encounter,with which i can find n develop new vision, new color of life.it would be impossible to catch them by only myself.So.1+1≠ mere 2.i was happy to see you,nd grateful for today.仕事でへまをやった。落ち込んでいるのに、今日は大事な試験があった。そんなわたしに、誰かがステキなプレゼントを用意してくれてた。誰かわからないけど。前ならこれは「神様が」、と気軽に表現できたのだが、今は複数形か単数形かでも迷う。本格的にこの道を歩き始めたので、気軽に使えなくなった言葉。だから不思議だよね、人間の認識ってのは。。。。。自分が変わるとほかも変わっていく。今日、ステキな出会いを運んできた「何か」にすっごく感謝した。それだけで、生活の風景と色が変わる。これは自分が変わるだけでは得られない。１＋１は単純に２にはならないねー。あえてよかった。ありがとうー。

All the hows.

You cannot see the forest for the trees.Do not hesitate.Keep giving.

Its because "A" is the irreplaceable. かけがえないもの。

Disconnection is one of my best constructive ways to------RedefineReadjustto Rediscover Reconnect AndtoBring forth a totally brandnew relationship wz theUtmost Priceless Objects of mine.分断は前向きな選択なのです。も一回見直しても一回調整して再発見するため再接続するため真新しい関係を生むためにかけがえのないあらゆる客体に対しての。

in the future.

.....I ll hit u, .....Do not MISS me,.....I believe,.....U never MISS me,.....I am the only one,.....Do u understand ?

9th Nov.

Yesterday was th anniversary of my father’s death,i forget.....more than a dacade...hmmm, how many years ? :PAshe has bin sleeping in the spot near my office, viewing the TOKYO TOWER,currently no one comes often,i am the only one to come, as a representative.I remember he came to see me, only once, it was 4 years ago.oh, he came to see my pal, to be exact.My pal RYU had bin already confined to his bed, cos of his age,andi was taking a nap by his side.... i was so exhausted,taking care of Ryu and working 7 days a week.My dad was standing at the door step of my room,in a fancy maloon colored beret, that we had never seen.Dad: “ Hey, it is time by now. Does Ryu become ready to go? “Me : “ No way! wait, wait, need a bit more! see u later pls! “Then hewent away without any noise.It was Sep 2009.Isuspected," he will come back againaround the day of his own anniversary....."9th of Nov.Myguess was very right on the mark,as scheduled (?),My dearest pal passed away on 12th Nov of the year.But at that moment,iwas thinking itwas enough for Ryu. Good enough.Ryuwas so strong male doggyin his character that hehad his will at the very last moment.I think they are together now,and go well with in another world.i was thinking about the story yeasterday.somehow i could not sleep so i easedout of my bed,and has bin in a cafe until now...6:30 a.m.!!All very fine :).昨日は父の命日。１０年以上になるけど、何年か忘れたｗｗ。お墓は今のオフィスから近く、東京タワーがきれいに望める。もうほとんど誰も来なくなったお墓には、あたしが代表で行こう、と思って行った。父は一度だけ出てきた。４年前のことである。龍がもう寝たきりになって、そのそばで、その介護と週７日労働に疲れきったわたしが昼寝をしていたとき。アパートのドアのところに立っていて、なんだか見たこともないしゃれたエンジ色のベレー帽子をかぶっていた。こんな会話をした。”おい、そろそろもう龍はいいんじゃないのか？！””なにいってんのよ、もうちょっとまってよ！”そのまま立ち去ったけど。２０１０年の９月のことだったな。１１月９日・・・親父の命日の近くが危ないな、と思った。その予感は的中で、龍は、１１月１２日になくなった。でもそのときは、もういいかな、と思ったね。龍は気が強くて、最後まで意地を貫いていたから。きっと、今は一緒にいて、あっちの世界で楽しくやってるに違いない。昨日は、そんなことを思い出しました。なんだか眠れなくて、ベッドを抜け出し、今までカフェで過ごしてた！6：30(am)になっちゃった！ま、いっか。

Thnx for the Mission Possible...貴重な試練をありがと。

Today i called on him n her, after long time no see.My reason was thati wanted to be by the side of someone who definitely nods one's head to say only "yes" for my identity...this is seldom or never welcomed by me, as a means of mine.Then the reason of it was thati hv to take myself to the best of best, the bestest, tip top condition,in an immediate MISSION.It has come to me in the out-of-the-blue way,beyond the mid phase that usually requires a meticulous planning n tactical preparations,has gone into the final, finishing stage all of sudden.That does not matter if this is fiction, illusion or maya,anyway i hv to be surrounded the twinkle like a Hollywood star.i hv to dazzle,IMMEDIATELY.Because ahead of that,i know there must be the edge of the cliff.Why can I sit still ????Hv to be in my best form, cannot help but.Even if i will be filled wz lols of pain,hv to complete it successfully n beautifully.For a woman,there could be an inevitable moment to dive into,even though she knowsthe things will never be done successfully.A stony mission.今日、久しぶりに彼と彼女に会いに行った。その理由は、自分を間違いなく肯定してくれる人のそばにいたかったからだ。あたしにしては、非常に珍しい。そしてその理由は、自分を最上級に持っていかなければならないからだ、差し迫ったミッションで。いきなり降ってわいたこのミッションは、中間の緻密な計画と周到な準備段階を飛び越え、いきなり仕上げ段階に突入した。とにかく虚構でも幻影でもいいから、ハリウッドスターみたいにきらきらに囲まれる必要があった。きらきら輝いて、とにかく早急に。だって、その先はもう断崖絶壁なのだ。だもん、最高でなくてどうするの。ほんとは痛みでいっぱいでも、有終の美を飾らなければならないんだもん。女には、駄目だとわかっていても飛びこまなければならないときがある。冷たいミッションだな。(O.O)...//

Because i am not strong enough…. 強い訳ないじゃん。

Well well,Well well well,how hard it was for the past 3 months for me.Terrible, it must be one of the five worst in my life so far..I have gone through it finally,because i went back to my empty room everyday.If there had been lovely someone there and said," How's your day? "and," Come here. take it easy and relax ”Or," No need to do so hard cos you are already doing your best, dear "then i must have bin depressed or devastated more….( Though i do not need conversation like that,i need someone who believe in and wait for me to get back. )I m not strong enoughunlikeeveryone's view.So I was lucky cos i was only one in the room.Thanks to it, I could stand by my feet there,enhanced my feeling,contemplated and found,to open the gate of Monday.Was so hard.Hardest.I had thought and believed," this could be amusing story later "yes, see,I'm laughing aloud and enjoying now already. ;)いやあ、つらい３ヶ月だった。これ、少なくともいままでの５本指に入るよ。あたしがそれを乗り越えられたのは、帰っても一人だったからだ。これが、「お帰り」と、出迎えてくれるひとがいて、「無理するな, ゆっくり休みなよ」となぐさめてくれて、「いやならやめてもいいんだよ、こんなにがんばってるんだから」と味方になったくれたなら、あたしはもっと嫌になっていたに違いない。まあ、あたしを信じてくれてない気がするから、そういう会話は寒気がすることも間違いないけど。ひとりだからよかった。たてなおし、自分で考え抜いて、月曜日のドアを開ける。いやあ、つらかった。だけどいつか笑い話になるって思ってたから。今はもう笑ってるよ　;)

How to develop a bit more......きれいでいよう。

Just ashort time ago,i decided not to grumble, moan and complain, or sing the blues....for the next one year.Because i had found her complaining face was not beautiful.I know she has her own beauty, butgrumpykeeps her from the most important, priceless gem.IfI could make it for a year,there is no doubt that I could do the same for the next 10 years.I wonder how far i have come now....?i cannot remenber but i have almost done perfectly so far.少し前に今年一年は不平や不満、文句は言わないことにする、と決めた。理由は、それを言っている人の顔が美しくなかったから。きれいな顔してるのに、活かせてない。もったいないな、と思った。１年できたら、１０年できると思う。今どのくらいたったかな。。。忘れちゃったけど、今のところできてるよ。