The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) will be released in May. Yahoo is featuring first-person stories from Americans who are diagnosed with some of the most common mental health disorders in the United States. Here's one story.
FIRST PERSON | In the summer of 2010, I found myself at a major turning point. I was leaving the Marine Corps for the second and final time. My career as a Marine officer spanned about 10 years. I served in numerous combat tours both in Iraq and Afghanistan. Before leaving, I couldn't help but reflect on the darkness that consumed my thoughts and the cold numbness which halted my ability to feel emotions. In a rare moment of what I thought was "weakness," I decided to visit the mental health clinic. It was then I was first diagnosed with a moderate to high level of PTSD.
The countless horrors of war never bothered me, or so I thought. After my diagnosis and re-entry into civilian life, I noticed this was not the case. I had a cold, dark, and sometimes cruel outlook on the world. I spent much of my free time hiding away in my condo. The walls were barren and unpainted. The blinds always closed. I wanted no connection with a world I felt disgusted to be a part of. I hardly slept, maybe three hours on a good night.
Many of the activities I once enjoyed no longer held my interest. I found it difficult to feel love. Even family members seemed to be out of reach. My mind swam in a dark fog. I knew what I was supposed to feel but couldn't connect with that part of me anymore.
I am now 34 and living in Southern California. Each day I deal with PTSD. Some days I am all right. Others I am dark and jaded. I find it hard to control it sometimes. My loving wife and daughter see past it and deal with me when I am "Dark Dave," as they call it. Were it not for them and the rest of my family, I think the PTSD would have consumed me long ago. Most days I am optimistic that I can control it and try to feel at peace. But that cloud in my mind feels like being lost in a stormy sea. I don't always beat it. Only my family and God have the lifeline I cling to for salvation.
It is my hope that others will hear my story and take comfort in the knowledge that there is no "weakness" in admitting that war or any event causes PTSD. There is sometimes, especially in the military, a stigma attached to PTSD. I would hope people, especially veterans, would understand that there is no shame in PTSD. True warriors know real strength is found in admitting your problems. In doing so we help to free others held by similar chains.
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