I feel happy today.. Reason? Unknown. May be because of he is back? But I had been so so angry, losing a lot of temper and quarrelled a lot before his arrival. Anyway, today I in a Good mood.
Did not manage to write anything in my dearly blog lately. No internet line at home, and lazy to go to the internet cafe after work.
I know I should START to "practice" now (Frankly speaking, should already start long ago. But, I just can not do it. I hate the feeling of "lying to myself"!). "Trust", really needs time to build. Tat's why people said " Don't spoil it, when someone trusted and rely on you". As you might can never gain it back once you spoilt it. 
I can not live in "worry" always. I don't wan to marry someone then being so worry always. I need to defeat my fear and doubts. VICTORY belong to me!! γ(▽´ )ﾂヾ( ｀▽)ゞ
. I trying to get myself out of it, but I failed to do it; Sometimes I feel alright, but sometimes it comes back again;
I dont really like it. It means I couldn't manage my own emotion well yet. 
. I don't blame them, as when I have mine, I will just one wish to watch with him too
; I ever went to the cinema alone, once. After that I got "lectured" by my senior, saying that "it is not safe to watch movie alone in this place, especially for lady." 
Opps~!, this brings my memory up about why I used to watch movie alone last time. haha.. again, it is about waiting for him to off from work. Again...
.
as I need to be "NORMAL"
.
for all the HIDDEN SUPRISES