It has been awhile since my last post.
Went through so many things that lead me to a feeling which I dont want to stay alive. Every morning when my eyes open I have no idea how to pass a day. Cry almost every night in silent subconsciously.
So much pain and am depressed.
Was given false promises (lifetime term promises) and being left (again).
Being bullied due to race and my mothertongue since little until I quitted college. Being taught not to trust people. Being betrayed so many times, uncountable. Couldnt tell anyone. Finally I found a person I can trust and lean on, I thought. But all I got was a void. Nothing but false promises.
Im not drama-ing. But if you were me, no you are not me. you wont understand me.
Has been searching so many things, from why not to suicide to what is the best way to suicide without feeling pain. But I keep telling myself. You dont have the guts. You dont have the guts.
Everything and everyone changed so fast that I couldnt follow the pace. I feel like left behind and left.
Flying to Tokyo tomorrow but I feel like it's my hardest trip. I dont want to go.
Help.