Recently, I had a dream about a family member. I asked an acquiantance about it. She told me that dreams could serve as a reminder to spend more time with the person. It may be because I feel guilty for not spending more time with that family member. The first time I experienced loss by death is with a hamster. I felt guilty about a lot of things: not having a larger cage; having wired flooring that could have blistered her feet; providing only a small wheel for her to run on; and not playing with her more often. The two years I spent with her in my childhood had meant so much for me that I still dream about her. Forgetting that life is impermanent makes me treat my relationships with less care. I am now 22, my parents are getting older as well. I am still figuring out what I want most in life.
I keep crying at night if I think about the future and my dog. I had her for almost 10 months now. She is stilll a puppy now (her birthday is on December 25th), but thinking that small dogs only live around 15 years is really sad. She is also my first dog. My family loves her, and I feel better every time I see her when I get home. I have to learn how to cope with my anticipation anxiety, as there is much to worry about in life.