People only care when your sadness is bite size, easy to swallow.

 

The sadness that's one size fits all ; the sadness they read about in that best selling novel that one time : the one that ''really opened their eyes'' , and made them feel like they can ''help anyone now'' .

 

They only want to hear about the pretty sadness.

 

Not the type where you contemplate jumping in front of every on comning train you see ; or the one where you carve your suicide note

into your arm while everyone sleeps. Not even the sadness that doesn't really look like sadness, because that ''doesn't count'' , and

''isn't that serious''.

 

No , they only care about the block busters sadness ; the prominent collar bones, smoking marble lights , and quoting Charles fvcking Bukowski while you take shots of vodka at some party on Wednesday night.

 

They want the sadness that's easy on the eyes.

The sadness that they can walk away from.

The type where they get to make their inspirational speech, and get to walk away feeling like they've done something good, because

they ''cured'' you.

They want ''feel good stories'' , ones where they get to be a hero.

 

Because this isn't about you and your sadness, it's actually about them, and how they saved you from yourself.

They don't know that your hands still shake, 

and that you still long to open yourself up to see if there is actually

concrete where your blood is supposed to be.

 

They don't know that you've turned your chest into a shrine for what used to be , 

what could have been ; your chest is an empty house, the forniture covered in white, 

cotton sheets ; the picturesque collages of hopeful eyes and gleaming smiles splayed across the walls, 

all covered in a layer of dust , they haven't been touched in months.

 

The fridge, once overflowing with heaps of hope and serenity, now barren, covered in cobwebs.

 

They don't know , do they?

 

That you've turned yourself into shrine of the person you thought you could be , 

the person everyone thought you could be ; you laid the foundation , but you let it crumble ; 

you planted the flowers , but you left them to rot.

 

You fooled everyone  

-including yourself-  

letting them believe you could be anything more than what you already are.

羽音を忍ばせ近づく 引き寄せられる甘い肌に
舌を這わせ お前が望む場所をなぞる

切り取って裂いて 眺めていたいほど綺麗なその体
さあ 慣れた手つきで楽しませてくれ

果てるまで踊れ せがむ声を出せ 裏切ってもっと
掴んで 俺を握り締め 加速させる 体を揺らせ

見えてんだよ卑猥な本性が いっそやりたいようにやっちまえよ
お前は女の顔曝け出して 泣いて泣いて泣きわめいてろ
このリズムに合わせて揺らして 足の先まで力を込めて
もっともっと受け止めてくれよ 最後まで

果てるまで踊れ せがむ声を出せ 裏切ってもっと
掴んで 俺を握り締め 加速させる 体を揺らせ

愛しさを感じて 虚しさを覚える