英検１級 対策＆採点
Good evening! how are you?週末は箱根の温泉に行って来ました〜すごくリラックスできました。夜はお昼を抜いたので焼肉今日はパスポートを申請しました〜！色々バタバタです早速今日のトピックに入ります。週末にプライベートで英検１級を受ける生徒のwriting添削をしました。５つエッセイを書いてくれてその中の１つを紹介したいと思いますWordで書いてくれてパソコンから添削しました。是非参考にしてください↓生徒さんが書いてくれたもの〜1.Should the developed world help developing countries overcome poverty? （Students' writing)More than one billion people,mostly in developing countries, are suffering from poverty.Under the circumstances,I think that the developed world should help developing countries overcome poverty for the following these reasons.First,developed countries that colonized developing countries in the past should compensate for their exploitation of people and natural resources of the Third World.Since their past wrongdoings of those countries is one of the reasons the Third World is what it is today,developied countries must help them overcome the situation.Second,develoed countries' economic aid to the Third World countries will promote global peace and stability.Since poverty is one of the root causes of conflicts and terrorism,helping developing countries will help stabilization of the international communities.Finally,developed countries' economic aid to the Third World will contribute to global economic prosperity.The efforts to fill the technological gap though investment will promote economic growth in developing countries, which will lead to economic development of developed countries in the end.In conclusion, for these reasons, compensation for the past exploitation,and promotion of global stability and economic prosperity,I believe that develoled nations should help developing countries overcome poverty.↓私が少し添削したもの〜1.Should the developed world help developing countries overcome poverty? More than one billion people, mostly in developing countries, are suffering from poverty. Underthese circumstances, I think that the developed world should help developing countries overcome poverty for the followingthree reasons.First, developed countries that colonized developing countries in the past should compensate for their exploitation of people and natural resources. Since their past wrongdoings in those countries are one of the reasons the Third World is what it is today,developedcountries must help them overcome the situation.Second,developed countries' economic aid to the Third World countries will promote global peace and stability, since poverty is one of the root causes of conflicts and terrorism.I believe that by providing assistance to developing countries,the international communities will be stabilized.Finally, developed countries' economic aid to the Third World will contribute to global economic prosperity. The efforts to fill the technological gap through investment will promote economic growth in developing countries, which will lead to the economic development of developed countries in the end.(please re-write and try again )In conclusion, for these three reasons-compensation of exploitation in the past, promotion of global stability and economic prosperity, I believe that developed nations should help developing countries overcome poverty.Feedback: (今回は英語のフィードバックのみになります）Content: score=3. Both the introduction and conclusion are adequate. The introduction makes the examinee’s opinion on the issue clear. The conclusion is clear but somewhat brief. You could make it more informative. For the content, you have given three reasons, but only the first and second are supported by an appropriate explanation. The third reason is unclear and difficult to understand.Coherence and Cohesion: score=3. Ideas are clearly organized and paragraphing is appropriate. First, Second, Third= A little formulaic. You could also use other cohesive devices to make it more effective.Vocabulary: score=3.Uses a wide range of vocabulary and expressions accurately, including more-sophisticated words and terms (eg. “wrongdoings”).Grammar: score=3.The grammar is quite accurate.採点のポイント：黄色のハイライトの部分は、３つ目の理由で、意味が少しわからなかったところです。ややvagueな印象です。コンテンツ（内容）として３つのうち２つの理由がOKとなりました。スコアはこのようにしました・・・４、３、２、１、０ / blank sheet４＝highest0=lowest採点するときに、４つの観点から見ます。 Content：(内容） Coherence & Cohesion：cohesion(文と文のつなぎ）,coherence(首尾一貫性) Vocabulary: 単語 Grammar: 文法Contentには、Introduction, conclusion と three reasons（３つ理由）が必要です。ロジカルなReasons（理由）もちゃんと見ます。そして、全体的の意味もチェック！ニュースを見たり、日々情報をチェックすることは大事ですね。Coherenceは、パラグラフをしっかり分けて、読みやすいようにします。Cohesionは、First, second, third。。。など（でも高い点を取りたければ、別の言い方の方がベター！例：Firstly, First of all など）Vocabularyで良い点とりたいなら、アカデミックな言葉を正しい文法で使ってみると良いです。Grammarは、英検１級なら・・・完璧な状態に近い方が⭕️ 採点＋文章を見るとき、あまり生徒さんが書いた文章を変えないようにしています。もっと詳しくフィードバックが欲しい方は日本語と英語で出来ます。そして、rewriteシステムがあります。これは、こちらから見本のエッセイを提供して生徒さんにもう一度書いてもらいます。英検の試験、もうすぐですね！みなさん頑張ってください！！！ ワニさんが肉をガブリと食べます。Fight!!ワニ動物園 ダーウィン
