i need to learn patience.
sometimes it's not good to make actions soon.
this time, i should have waited a little more.
i could have made other action.
i was hasty.
i need to learn to take my time to make decisions.
i've learned being tolerant from this experience.
i can recover what i did.
it's my responsibilty.
i'm not a child.
i have to handle this by myself.
empty smile
on surface you're smiling
but i know your heart feels nothing
just empty
you hide your sadness with smiling
people don't notice it because they don't care
every friend asks me how i am
but they don't need my answer
FINE
doesn't mean anything
i'm afraid of loving others
i care others' attitude too much
what i need is place to relieve
what i need is to discharge every sad emotions
what i need is courage to take one step toward shiny light
i just miss something.
i don't know what it is exactly.
might be family, might be friends
or might be place where i can set myself free
people are busy to prepare their Xmas
but what do they celebrate for?
i have nothing here
it's better to feel nothing than feel loneliness...
it's very difficult to know how people are.
even if you spend a lot of time with them you might not know their ways of thinking.
i like talking with others about myself and listening to their lives.
those communication give me an oppotunity to rethink myself and my life.
and i can know new things about myself.
even if you spend a little time with others you can know their bases.
but all the time, you need to show respect to them.
it's not good to deny others.
you should try to accept or understand their opinions.
everyone has different perception.
because everyone has a different history/background.
when people feel uncomfortable, they stop spittng out their emotions.
you need to listen to them carefully.
and also you need to try hard to get their roots ideas.
you have to face to face, open your mind and be ready to take new notions.
dig out your basic philosophy.
a bad dream was coming again.
i'm afraid of loosing my precious things.
i'm too afraid of being alone.
at the morment i loose something, i must be sad.
but i might get something new feeling.
maybe, i need time to get used to it.
don't show a sad face to the around.
smile a lot and the hapiness comes to me.
i need friends who i can trust and respect.
i don't wanna choose people to become friends
but sometimes i can't respect them.
i'm here to improve myself.
i need to someone who we can motivate each other.
not just chatting but helping and developping.
i don't wanna divert myself from sadness.
i have to face it and handle those problems.
i'm ok.
i just need more time to get my pace.
i beileve myself then i can move on.
don't compare with others
don't compare with the past
i'm in the different situation
i have to face where i am
it's not easy
i have fears to make friends
being alone is sad and hard to accept
but i want to make this life better than before
that desire makes me impatient about spending time by myself
i want to become more independent
a person who acts as they want to
take your time
have a rest
焦ることなんてない
今は時間が必要なだけだ
まだ環境に慣れてない
もっともっと
自分を追い詰めながら
上を目指すのもいい
だけど
自分に合った方法で
無理やりではなく
心地よい距離
言葉と言葉の狭間
ひとつずつ大切にして
明日また始めよう
i had a bad dream.
i woke up and i could just breath deeply.
my bed was old.
the springs were squeaking.
nobody could help me.
i needed to put up with that night alone.
sad night
変わらなきゃ 変わらなきゃ って
変わってない自分に
もがき苦しみ
泣き叫ぶ
でもそれでいい
見えないくらいちょっとずつ
変わっていくと思いたい
毎日少しずつ
歩いた軌跡残していこう
辛くても
今はまだ遠く離れたなりたい自分を
胸に刻んでおこう
道のり果てしなくても
忘れない その画浮かべて前見つめていよう
