I cannot deal with it. I guess this was what was waiting to happen. how should I handle this? I don't know the best way. All I know is that I love her. I believe that if we are together, we will be great. I can imagine how happy our life is gonna be. why did this happen this time? is this kind of ordeal or something? the more I try to forget about her, the harder it become. I want to call her, I want to go to see her right now, but if I do that, that is gonna be pressure for her. That's why I decided to just wait her deciding.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what should I do.
I don't know what I have to do.
what is the best way? what is the right choice?
what do I want to be? famous? rich?
all I know is that I definitely want to be able to speak English fucking well like a native sparker. that's all I know.
I'm not young to do whatever I want to do.
there is no time to be wasted. but now I kinda lost myself.
I don't know what should I do.
I don't know what I have to do.
what is the best way? what is the right choice?
what do I want to be? famous? rich?
all I know is that I definitely want to be able to speak English fucking well like a native sparker. that's all I know.
I'm not young to do whatever I want to do.
there is no time to be wasted. but now I kinda lost myself.
It was hectic today. anyway, I'm sick and tired of everything.
Actually, I don't hate my job, I don't hate working. I'm just tired of doing two things at the same time. I mean, on the one hand, I have to keep studying fucking hard every day to improve my English and to pass the examination, such as TOEIC or IELTS. On the other hand, I have to work hard to save money to go to America. while I'm studying I always feel like I will never master English. I've been bursting my ass to learn English for past a year or more, but I'm still bad at that especially listening skill. I can have a easy conversation, but once topic become complicated, I cannot understand what people say. I mean, although I listen to radio, or news, or something like that every day for studying, they are really hard for me to understand. I know I'm getting used to it and am getting better. I'm not sure but,, I think that the reason why my English is not getting better than I was expecting is because my age. I don't want to attribute this problem to my age, but some of my friends who are younger than me is totally improving their English much more quickly than me, even though they don't study as hard as I do.
but I know that I just have to keep studying as hard as I can, because there is no one who can help me. I mean I have to be strong enough to deal with this hardship. I must not ask someone for help. I have to admit the fact that my brain sucks and is fucking useless. but I know that if I want to be able to speak English, I just have to keep making efforts. there is no short cut, but there is a goal. It is not easy, but it is not impossible.
Actually, I don't hate my job, I don't hate working. I'm just tired of doing two things at the same time. I mean, on the one hand, I have to keep studying fucking hard every day to improve my English and to pass the examination, such as TOEIC or IELTS. On the other hand, I have to work hard to save money to go to America. while I'm studying I always feel like I will never master English. I've been bursting my ass to learn English for past a year or more, but I'm still bad at that especially listening skill. I can have a easy conversation, but once topic become complicated, I cannot understand what people say. I mean, although I listen to radio, or news, or something like that every day for studying, they are really hard for me to understand. I know I'm getting used to it and am getting better. I'm not sure but,, I think that the reason why my English is not getting better than I was expecting is because my age. I don't want to attribute this problem to my age, but some of my friends who are younger than me is totally improving their English much more quickly than me, even though they don't study as hard as I do.
but I know that I just have to keep studying as hard as I can, because there is no one who can help me. I mean I have to be strong enough to deal with this hardship. I must not ask someone for help. I have to admit the fact that my brain sucks and is fucking useless. but I know that if I want to be able to speak English, I just have to keep making efforts. there is no short cut, but there is a goal. It is not easy, but it is not impossible.