SIDシド 
「アリバイ」*COMPLETED*
A/N: Ohai~ welcome back to me! LOL. XD This is a tragic story I'm afraid to tell you...I really tried my best to make it tragic! 8D So if you don't like tragic stories...please run away now and hide somewhere dark! XD
Ne~ this is le guy's POV! Yeah! I just tried. LOL.
Hope this makes you cry! XD Ja ne~
-Nakimushi, Kareshi-
*******
It was a few months ago when she confessed her feelings for me. It was after we graduated, after the graduation ceremony. She was a close friend of mine then. She said she was inlove with me for a long time but she just coudn't make herself to tell me and that I was too insensitive to even notice. I didn't know how to respond...
"Please go out with me...." She said looking up at me with hopefull eyes.
Her gaze...it felt like she's looking right into my soul...my heart, begging. I shifted my sight into the ground, I coudn't respond, I don't know if I feel the same way. She's my best friend and I care for her but I'm not sure if it's more than that.
We've been friends since first grade. We always play and study and eat together and our houses are just few blocks away from each other so we always went to school and go home together. If you think about it, we almost did everything together.
It was all fun...our memories together when we were just little children. She's a very cheerful kid and since we're always together I become one too. Though to be honest...I'm much more emotional but I always try to hide it.
Why? Because I'm the guy here you know. It's very uncool so I hide it to everyone. And by that, I mean EVERYONE. Yes, including her. I don't cry in front of anyone because I'm a strong and cool guy. Don't argue with me.
Everything was fun and happy and all smiles back then. ALL SMILES. Not a care into the world as long as we're together.
But everything is different now. We've grown and not everything now is all about fun and playing...we both need to take different paths that our life's purpose will give us. It is not always SMILES now...There will come the time that we also need to cry.
As I looked back in her eyes again I remember...that need to cry. She was holding it in, I can tell. Waiting there for a long moment without a respond from me, it was welling up her eyes, and the tears she can no longer hold up slowly trailed down her cheeks. Sadness becoming evident in them.
No...I don't want that. I don't want to be the reason of her need to cry...I want to be the reason of her smiles just like before...I don't like seeing her cry. Then does that mean that I feel the same way too? I don't know...but if I don't decide now I'll just end up hurting her.
So I decided...
"Okay..." I said finally giving her a soft smile.
She looked back at me with wide eyes...shocked, she just stood there and stared at me for a while trying to find some hidden intentions in my word...like I was joking or something. Then I held up my hands indicating that i'm serious and offered it to her to come to me. Every doubt and uncertainty she has all washed away as she rushed up to me and come to my embrace.
I did it because I don't want her to cry...I didn't turn her down because I'm her best friend and the need to protect her smiles pushed me into it. I want to protect her that's why I did it. Not because I feel the same way.
"Please don't cry..." I said as I brush my thumb into her cheek to wipe her tears.
"I still want us to do everything together..." She said resting her head into my chest making it sound more like a whisper to herself and not to me. I can't see her face but I can feel that she was smiling again. HOW CHILDISH. I felt my own lips form a smile at that. She never changed.
In a way...I feel guilty.
Then we started dating. Days passed and everything went nice. We found ourselves a job and continue with our lives. Although we're now busy and couldn't see each other everyday like before, we still find time to see each other on weekends. She was happy and so was I.
Everyday I realized my feelings for her are becoming clear. Every doubt and confusion I have are fading away each day I'm with her.
"FUU~ We're so busy now...that we can't do anything together!" She whined suddenly.
"Well, aren't we both eating lunch now, together?" Smiling a bit seeing her pout.
"NOOO! I didn't mean it that way!" She said keeping her pout in place.
"Oh? Then what?"
"We have the whole world! I want to discover many things with you too. The wonders of life~!" She exclaimed with full enthusiasm.
'The wonders of life'? What is that? Seriously, sometimes she's over dramatic. But I have come to like it as well as I loved her too...as a friend maybe? or more...
"Hmm..." I put a finger under my chin indicating that I was thinking something. "Then should we eat dinner next time instead?" I said trying my best to look serious. "Or maybe breakfast?"
"Aug! Baka! where's the 'wonders' in that?! It will still all be eating!!!" She retorted playfully hitting me with a fan that suddenly get its way into her hand. Where did that even come from? Then we started laughing.
But it's true...we've been so much busy with work that even on weekends we feel tired. It's hard to do anything when your body isn't willing to do anything because of tiredness you know.
Though as long as we are together, I don't mind doing the same thing over and over again. As long as I'm with her...I won't get tired of it.
Yes, I LOVE HER. And not just a friend anymore. I realized that it's more than that. I've learned to love her and the guilt I'm feeling are all slowly fading away.
Ahh...I feel like crying, dammit. It's just that, I feel so happy you know? But no, I'm not going to cry! NOOO WAY!
It all feels like a dream! Everything seems so perfect. But as soon as I felt this...the soon it was about to fade.
"Hey, are you alright?" I asked as we sat there on the bench at the seaside park. "You look tired than usual...do you wanna go home and rest?" I added.
"What are you talking about? I'm fine! Nothing to worry~" She said giving me a reassuring smile.
But even though she said that, I'm worried.
"Are you sure? I'll walk you home if you wa--"
"No way!!! I don't want to miss this sunset!" She said with full determination.
I sighed. "If it's the sunset you want to see, we can go back here some other time. By the look of you right now, you'll fall asleep first before the sun even set!" I exclaimed.
Giving me a half-hearted glare she finally agreed. "Fine! but you better get us to see the beautiful sunset next time!!!"
But as the days passed, her condition is becoming worse until she's gotten so weak and can't go to work anymore or more like can't do anything and just lay there in her bed. I can't help but wonder...and felt emotional and sad...But no, I'm not going to cry.
"Why?" I said bitterly holding up emotions that is threaten to come out.
"'Why' what?" She said smiling a bit playing dumb.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I snapped suddenly. "Don't I have the right to...know...?" I added, my voice failing at the end. She was very sick and I know nothing about it.
She sighed. "You have, but...If I did, you'll cry." she paused "I've always known that you're a crybaby." She smile weakly.
"W-what?" I stared at her with wide eyes in shock and a little embarrased. "S-so what?! Isn't it normal to cry when your loved one is suffering? It's NORMAL! not a CRYBABY! NORMAL!!!" I exclaimed.
She laughed. "See? You're even being so defensive."
"Wha-...I'm not! You have NOT ENOUGH PROOF!!!"
"Hah. Then how about when you tripped while running home when we're in primary school?"
"That's NORMAL! Any kid will cry when they tripped!"
"I didn't."
"Then you're not considered a kid that moment that you tripped while running."
"Pfft. How 'bout that time when you saw a spider suddenly land in your nose?"
"NORMAL! That's a spider we're talking about! And in my nose none the less!" I reasoned starting to get frustrated.
"Ah! Then how 'bout that moment when I give you that cute bear strap matched to mine on your seventh birthday!"
"....." Aug! I'm running out of reasons! "T-that's because I'm so happy!"
"You cry because of happiness from that little bear strap keychain?"
"Yes."
"Still not a crybaby?"
"Never."
"Hmm...If you say so." She said trying to hold back a few more laughs.
My manly self is very offended in that conversation really, but remembering those days is also very pleasant. Those MEMORIES...together.
A few more days and seeing her so weak and almost lifeless like that is becoming more and more painful.
"Hey, how about we go out somewhere?" I said softly.
"Ah! Can we go see the sunset then? You promised!"
Despite her weak body, she still had the energy to whine. I smiled and nodded.
It's still early for the sun to set when we got there, in the seaside park. Giving her a piggy-back ride in my back we stroll for a little while enjoying the soft wind hitting us ever so gently brought by the calm waves of the sea.
After a while we sat in one of the bench there. I gently place her beside me and we stayed like that for a moment holding each other's hand.
"Even though you'd avoided to tell me about your sickness, you should have known that I'll know about it eventually." I started.
"I know. But I want to take every chance that I have not to tell you until the very last day that I can."
"But why?"
"Because I don't want you to cry. I always caught you when you cry since long time ago in every little thing...you were so cute back then!" She giggled and I feel a blush creeping up my face. "But you always seem to keep them hidden to everyone so I didn't tell you..."
I kept silent.
"I was really surprised when you accept me when I confessed my feelings to you...though I have hope, I actually thought that you'll freak out and run and cry somewhere." She laughed weakly and I smiled at the thought.
"I'm happy...that I have kept your smile up until now. I'm really happy."
I held her hand tightly. "Baka..." I whispered with a sad smile.
"I LOVE YOU." She said her voice fading.
I thought I was the one protecting her, I thought I was the one doing her a favor...
"I LOVE YOU MORE..." I softly whisper in her ears and right there, I know it was time.
I thought...I was the one...who cares and knows more...And I thought she's the CHILDISH one. But I was wrong.
With a smile, slowly her eyes closed together with the setting of the sun, she looked really beautiful... and her grip in my hand loosened...
She's been the one, the one who's always protecting me from crying, she's always been the one who's doing me a favor and she's always been the one who cares and knows more...all this time...I'm such an idiot. She's right, I am insensitive. I never thought about it until now.
I'm the childish one.
I can't pretend anymore...I can't hold it any longer...
I held her still, tears started flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably. This...our last memories together. With a sad smile, I whisper...
"Thank you."
And tears continued to fall.
She's right, I'm a crybaby.
********
END.
I really miss writing stories...*sigh*