ima desperate girl

i can get nothing done and ive been thinkng of c whole day instead...
you know this is just insane

he ditched me and so i didnt wanna see him coz i really liked him
but then i got it over and met him, but then he doesnt wanna see me anymore this time
but i dont think he wanna get bake or whatsoever
i guess he just wanna be liked
thats unfair
but i feel like rejected again and sooooooooooooooooooo sad

why should we hurt each other
wasnt there any other way?
g*d, this is soooooooooooooooooo tough

so i canceled tomorrows date with r
i dont wanna be sad with relationship anymore
coz i know even with r, its not gon work but i may like him so bad

ive been singing realize by colbie but its not really
if he realize what i realize,,,,i would be the same for him
we cant be like the pv

then i called s in tennessee
i acted like i miss him although i dont really
i just wanted someone sweet but whom i dont have to deal with in real life
he cant come here
like if i call someone in chi, the guy would come over to my place that i dont really want

yeah to him, ima like oops by briterny
oops, i did it again..lol

well... i dunno what to do
i do know what i have to do though... which are my hw and stuffs

anyways, i know time will help to ease this bitter feeling but not long enough yet

i wanna write r in nyc but i dunno what to say
definitely i cant say about c thats for sure

omg...whats wrong with me


oh, i saw something on cnn
it said because the economy is really bad now, ppl wann meet somebody snnugle with
and i guess thats so true
since im so unstable for everything now, i just wanna one fine wire

but if i have known that was the last time to see him, i would kiss him even though i know i would cry so hard in a public
i wouldnt care
and also i would go for a walk with him
if it have known...


he said i win after all
i said this isnt a game or whatever
then he said its even worse like a war
yeah...we had too strong feelings to each other
and too strong feelings may destroy everything
and this is the case

the sad thing is,,, i believe we really liked each other so much
but we have nothing common and we just hut each other out because we never agree

i ate insane amount of food...
oh g*d, stress isnt good
this kinda stress never be good


if i were stronger, i could protect him
but im not quite there yet
if he were stronger, he could protect me
but he is not quite there...actually, pretty far from there

this is nobodys fault
we are nothing wrong
but i guess this was not just the time

goodbye c

ok, so we had a lunch together today.
i put makeup on, wore my favorite dress and acted like a good girl.
i just wanted to make him feel regret.
and he did.
but i did too much.

now he doesnt see me anymore because he likes me and i dont.
i dont?
well yeah, i acted like i dont like him and i didnt really.
i felt ive moved on from this stupid guy.

but after he told me that he is never gon see me in any near future, i felt so sad.
i dont know if this feeling is just sadness for goodbye or i still like him.

he sent me his pics and he is totally cute.
yeah he is.
but i cant deal with his personalities.
i really wish he had a different personality with that face.
so...which means...i guess i dont like him as is but i hopefully have some fantasy about him.

he deleted me from his facebook and stuff and so i cat check what he is doing anymore
yes, ive been checking even when i was refusing to see him
but so he did.


anyways, looks like i cant see him anymore and this is really over.
im shocked but not as bad as when we broke up.

i could say that i can get back but first of all i didnt really want to.
and second, we both know this would never work out.
so i guess we made a right choice and just gotta appreciate the pleasant moment that we shared.

got lucky

i guess im not too bad...well this sounds like a bi**h.

g told me he liked me back in den last night and he asked me why i didnt take him.
i just cant..he is cute but like really cute and i just feel guilty if i do something
oh well i did "something" coz i was so high and stuff, but still even i was high, i didnt let him go any further.
i think/believe its like a border i shouldnt go beyond.

and my ex c, he still wanna see me so bad.
i would never ever see him...but now i kinda feel i can if he really want.
he is "nothing" to me now so i can.

and i saw a today after a while.
we kinda in a good mood but he is not proactive and we both just gave up
but today, he was so sweet again and of course he was still hot.
and the thing is; he is a lawyer.

and r called me last night but i couldnt really talk to him coz i was so drunk
and then he called me today too though again i was with my friend n couldnt talk much.
he said he got some gift for me form my visiting
i know i shouldnt expect too much but no matter what it is, im so happy.

and s sounds like he likes me
well to me, he is not a guy though
i just wanna get along with him as a buddy

and another a is unsure but possibly likes me as well.
coz like if he doesnt, why he go out alone with me and pay everything and do so many nice things?

but a common problem among all of them is;
they cant trust that i stay here.
i would if any really loves me, but we are not that far yet, none of them

but you know, although i kinda hesitate to say this, but i guess im popular now.
without any sexual stuffs, they still treat me well and say many sweet things

well...maybe im not ready for decinding one guy who would be with me till the end of my life
and i dont even know where i will be after
so i guess im just happy for having fun with them even though they are not my bf.

yeah im such a happy and lucky girl;)