今日は寒いね、東京。
十月にここに来た以来一番寒い日かも。
いやでも暖房が嫌いだから、あまりエアコン使わないですね。
ドライが大嫌い。
数日以来ただネットにビデオを見たり友達と喋ったり、全然自分のことをしない。
気持ち的な面が全然悪い。
理由がないけど。
こう見たいな生活がよくないのが心知ってるけど、もう習慣なんで。
偶に未来とか考えたり、やっば全然迷走というか。
ここから多分英語でのほうがいいけど……
I've clearly remembered the sentence "Follow your heart" and always tried to do as it says.
But it is always the case that I myself even don't know what's going on deep inside me.
In less than one month time I will leave Japan.
Till now I'm still not sure whether the life here really did good to me.
Wow perhaps I just go into a wrong way. I am so used to the thought of "DOING GOOD". Forget it.
Personally I really enjoy the life here. When my father asked me if the country really the one I was expecting, I said yes without any hesitance. I know for sure that I love the country. 21 years has flied and I seldom held any wish since I became a student, because I knew it would always be hard and I was so afraid of being unable to realize it. But this time I really really wish to come back here to Japan, desperately and strongly. I love it.
But for another thing I just can't help considering about which way I should follow. What on earth should I do now. May I give up if there isn't any helpful opportunity? May I stay in SHUFE for another 3 years to get a CFA or anything? I'm so afraid.
I know that the enjoyable life of the past months may just be the result of living under all others' care as an oversea student, or, say, foreigner. Things can be much much more difficult once I lose the protection from the university and stand on my own. So I wonder from time to time whether I'm just suggesting myself in a blind and over-optimistic way.
I've said I will never give up English, especially when I chose to come to Japan half year ago. Yet this is exactly what I've been doing since I came. Shame on me really.
All in all the murmurs above are no more than the disappointment and complaints on myself. I've truly been a non-sense.
詰まらないものはここまで。
良い夜を。
じゃあ。