120408

Today, I told my dad about my depression and suicidal thoughts.
It didn't go like I thought it would. He was understanding.

However, even though both of my parents probably know....

I just don't think they understand it completely.

Which is fine. I don't expect them or anyone to. I can't explain how my mind works to people, nor do I want to.

But I hope this is a step in the right direction. I hope it's only going to get better from here. I hope
the pain ends soon.

120311

I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed again and eat real food.

120307

people say we learn from our mistakes, but i don't think i do
i just keep fucking up and making more
is it my fault? is it my fault people have high expectations of me?
or am i just stupid?
can't people see that i try my best, isn't my best good enough for you?
why should my best not be good enough to be considered "good" in your eyes?
why can't you see that i just want to succeed

you couldn't care if you tried

you couldn't care if you tried

i'm counting down the days
until i don't have to be around you anymore
to the days when i won't be judged by you
when i don't have to worry about pleasing someone

i won't have to worry about you walking in on me when i'm changing
or masturbating
or doing some shit that you would think abnormal

chorus
these past few months, i haven't been myself
i want to be free of these restraints
i can only imagine what it's like to be out of sight
away from all these people

~to be continued~

120306

I'm so frustrated and angry with Journalism 202.
Everything I try hard in, it's never good enough.
I just want to get a B in the class.

At the same time I feel like this class isn't for me. I just want to write, I want to be creative and use my writing skills for .
I don't want to edit people's stories. I don't want to be bothered with details and grammar. leave
that for someone who actually wants to do it.