どんな場合でも、複数名が絡んで何か事が起きた場合、それぞれの立場での言いたい事があると思う。それはごく自然な事であり、それぞれ尊重されるべきだ。但し、最終的には客観的に見て公平な立場で判断されるべきであろう。
ただ、どんな場合でもそれほど公平な環境が与えられているわけではない。かえってそうでない場合の方が多いはずだ。
普通でも公平な判断というのは難しいのに、その当事者の中に発達障害などの問題を持つ人が含まれている場合、一言で表現すると埒が明かない状況に陥ることが多い。ある意味では仕方が無い。物事の全体像を捉えにくかったり、逆に大きな事は把握できるがその中に含まれる詳細を捕らえることができなかったり数が増えるとまとめる事ができないなど、部分的に不得意なところがあるからだ。
そういった場合、これはその立場になった事のある人にしか解らないと思うが、一番辛い立場に居る人というのは、自己の発達障害を認識している人達だ。
当事者の中で、一人だけがASDなど発達障害を持ち、他の人達はそうでない場合は問題無いと言って良いが、昨今では発達障害の人がそうと認識されないままごく普通に社会に出ていることが多く、特別選んだわけでなくても、例えば私の現職場でも6人中私を含めて3人は確実に発達障害だ。そんな環境で日々何か目に見えない矛盾のようなものを常に感じていると、その状況を分析し考えようと思うのは発達障害を抱えていて自意識のある人だ。
そうした場合何が起こるかと言えば、自意識のある人は相手と自分の立場を分析する。ところが自意識の無い発達障害の人は自分が人に何がしかの影響を与えているとは夢にも思っていないので当然言動を変える事もなく自分の道を行く。そこに普通の人が居れば、自意識のある発達障害の人は分析ののちにその人に公平な意見を求めることができるが、そうでない場合、自分の欠けている所は直せても自意識の無い発達障害の人の行動は変えられない。そうすると答えを出す手段を失い、しかもそのうち果たして自分が正しいのかそうでないのかさえも見失ってしまいせっかく分析したものが台無しになる事が多い。そういう人達にとって、自己分析をするだけでもかなりのエネルギーを使っているわけで、その先へ進むのは普通の場合でも専門家の手を借りなければいけないほどだ。それが助けを借りられる専門家どころか、もう一人の”見たくない自分”のような存在を相手にしなければいけないのだから大変だ。
以前、管理職についていた時、全く基準に達していない部下を複数名指導せねばならない時にあまりにそのレベルが酷くつい口にしてしまったことがある言葉がある。”怒られる方より怒る方が辛い”と言うことだ。多くの場合、特に社会に出てから怒られる方というのは大体いつも怒られる立場にあり（怒る人間が異常でない限り）、周囲に不満をぶちまける事はあっても”公正な理由で”下の者を怒るという立場にあまりならない人だと思う。しかしながら怒る方と言うのは多くの場合自分も下から上がってきたり或いは遡ること子供の時代にきっと親や先生から怒られた経験がある上で、大人になり部下を持ち時には怒らねばならない立場となるので両方の立場を心得ている。自分も怒られた経験があるから、怒られる方がどういう気持ちになるか良く解っていながら怒らねばならないというのは結構辛いものがある。
それと同じで、自分に問題がある事を解っていない人達は、「なんて生き難い世の中なのだ」などと言ったとしてもそれが自分のせいであることを気付いていないので、誰々のせいだとか何々のせいと言い訳をみつけ決して自分の中の原因を認めようとしない…というか、できない。ただ、自意識のある発達障害の人達は、自分達に問題があることを重々承知しているので、「自分のここが問題の一部である」と解りつつも、「でも、相手も発達障害があるから理に適わない事を言っているのに…」と相手の分析もできてしまうので、それを説明しても解らないことも頭から解っているし下手をすれば所謂”逆切れ”される可能性もあることを知っている。
そして、右にも左にも動けなくなり、疲れ果ててしまうのだ。
Whenever something happens with a few people involved, each one of them has their own opinion and want-to-say. That is very natural and should be respected. However, at the last, it should be recognised with fair mind.
But, that is not always the case. Realistically, the other cases are more often occurs, I guess.
It is rather hard to make fair recognition even under the regular condition, and when it comes to the situation one or number of ASD people involved, it often comes out as a situation which makes no progress at all. It is very natural in a way. Because those who have ASD often have difficulties partially on; getting a big picture of things, understand details of each particles though can capture a picture of whole, or putting together when the number of materials becomes more than one.
When the situation is like that, probably people have no experience would never understand, but the person who is on the hardest position is the person who has ASD him/herself and knows the matter of fact he/she does.
It is perfectly fine when there is only one person who has disorder in a group and others are without disorders, but even if it is not a special situation, it often occurs that number of people with different disorders in one place now a days without being recognised as disorders, like my work place, at least three including myself out of six are having disorders for sure. Under such circumstance, the only one who catches the matter something is wrong, and tries to analyze and fix, is the one who knows he/she has problem.
What happens under such circumstance is; the person who has self-conscious of having a disorder tries to analyze his/her own status and the other person/people’s. But those who have no self-consciousness are keeping their own way not even dreaming that their behaviours giving problems to the others. The problem can be recognised fairly and solved if there are somebody “normal”, but if not, the person with the self-consciousness can fix own behaviour but not the others. Then lose the way to process things in right way, if it last for some time, start wondering who is right or wrong, and at the end, big chance is it would be all in vain what the person analysed and tried to fix. For those who has self-consciousness of having disorders spend a lot of energy just doing self analysis, and to find the way to adjust themselves to the standard, often they need support of the professionals. But under such circumstances, it is so hard because they have to face to the people who are like “the other myself who don’t want to see” with no support of professionals.
Years ago, when I was on the management position, there were so many who were so below from the expected level when I took over, and once in a while said that it is much worse feeling that I have to call down than being called down. Often those who need supervisors’ guidance on their behaviours, they have been only on the position that were called down, and never be on the position to call down with some responsibilities of supervision. On the other hand, the people who have to call down with proper reason their subordinate, they maybe have experience of being called down when they were young, or started to work being as fresh men, so they know how you feel when you were called down. Still, to carry out responsibilities as supervisors, they have to sometimes give hard words to their subordinates, and it is hard because they know how dull you feel when you receive such words.
Same as that. Those who have disorders without self-consciousness might complain how hard life they have and so, they blame the others not even think about they are the ones who causing those problems, and never accept the matter they have problems…or I should say they cannot because of the disorders. But those who have disorders with self-consciousness knows very well that they are the part of the problem and analyze what they should do, and same time, they do analyze on the others and recognise those others also messing things around. However, the ones with self-consciousness know that it is so hard to convince the ones without it, and sometimes they get mad when the truth is spoken.
In that way, those who knows they have disorders in the group of disordered people get stuck, lose the place to go, and worn out.