Today!

Day 1 out of 7 is almost over... I dread tomorrow just like yesterday I dreaded today...

Will I make it? Only time will tell...

I'm scared... But I believe I can do it just coz I've already done it SO many times!

Last week...

All day I kept myself busy... it was relatively easy actually...

but now... tomorrow...

GAMBARIMASU!

This time...

Finally the time has come... this will be THE LAST time I'm on a diet till I have to go to Tokyo...

This thought will hopefully help me go through this week without actually almost dying this time xD

A(ace) are coming in Europe sometime soon... perhaps after Christmas but still...

It made me SO happy I can't even describe how I felt... I screamed... my heart wasbeating fast...

this time I'll do it! This time I have a purpose just like at the beginning of it all...

This is the start of a new beginning

Tired of all this...

I'm tired of this... how do people do it? How do you know when to stop? How can people have it so easy to eat normally? Why do I find it so difficult? Why do I ALWAYS ruin it? :(

I had made it, I had reached my weight this morning and I was happy that I could at last eat normally but then... but I just managed to ruin it again! I managed to eat more and not be satisfied and more and more, how is it possible to stop?

I'm getting tired of this whole thing, eating a lot, not eating to lose what I gained then eating more again and feeling guilty and feeling like the only thing I want to do is go to bed and wake up only after I have lost what I gained...

Why is it so easy for others to know what and when to eat? How can J-Rockers be so thin and so happy and not really sit down all day counting calories? HOW HOW HOW???

And now that I know I'm fatter than 2 hours ago... I can't bring myself to do anything... I just don't want anything or anyone next to me...

I can't even bring myself to watch the FAKE PVs... I just can't... coz I know how amazing Reno is in them and that it'll only make me even more pissed off at myself and even sadder...

everytime I do this I say it's the last time... and yet again I always go back... I always ruin my life and my mood and...

I just don't know what to do anymore... I don't know what to do to get rid of this habit... to be like a normal person...

I'm getting really tired...