Wow, as Hot as hell,,, Today might have been the hottest day in the summer. My brain is fried up. How many bottles of water did I drink today... 6 or 7? I think I completely replaced all the water in my body.
I never experienced this kind of heat during 10 years of stay in the US. I have been to Las Vegas a couple of times, where I actually got married with my American ex-wife. They have higher temperature, but it didn't feel uncomfortable like the heat I feel here.
Can't write anymore, my fingers are sticking to the keyboard.
I used to disdain depressing people or those who show low energy to any simple thing you can imagine. I thought they are just mere wimpy losers. I used to think "why can't you do such easy stuff?", because I was competent in almost anything; I was the top student in every school I went to, being excelled at paintings, playing chopin, and I was a black belt holder in Karate. I am not kidding you. I used to study and worked hard like nobody's business, to the point that it got me PhD in Physics in the US. I used to think that nothing is impossible with my incomparable effort.
Well, I somehow proved it, but at the same time I disproved it. I realized that there are things that cannot be overcome no matter how much effort I put in. And there exists uncertainty in my life that brought me to the place where I have absolutely no control of the navigation. Shit happens in anyone's life, and sometimes it can be pretty bad one. In my case it was a car accident. I don't want to talk in detail about what happened then and afterwords. All I can say was that everything went downhill, very rapidly. I had to continue my doctoral study and research while struggling with injury. Not only that so many unthinkable shit originated from the car accident such as the termination of my student visa and shit. It was a frikking nightmare to cope with all of them...
So, I eventually burned out, and my life seemed to fall apart in the pacific sky. After that my energy has never fully come back up. I suffer from constant fatigue and excruciating pain in my back arising from hernia. Depression can deform every aspect of yourself. Let alone your personality, your thought process, your physique and expression, and even your facial structure get messed up. Boy I tell ya, it is really scary.
But on the flip side, I think that my depression taught me the most important quality of human being, which is "kindness and compassion". I can say "It's all good in the hood. Take it easy." not only to others but also to myself. Only those who have experienced failures in their life can really forgive others.
Well, I somehow proved it, but at the same time I disproved it. I realized that there are things that cannot be overcome no matter how much effort I put in. And there exists uncertainty in my life that brought me to the place where I have absolutely no control of the navigation. Shit happens in anyone's life, and sometimes it can be pretty bad one. In my case it was a car accident. I don't want to talk in detail about what happened then and afterwords. All I can say was that everything went downhill, very rapidly. I had to continue my doctoral study and research while struggling with injury. Not only that so many unthinkable shit originated from the car accident such as the termination of my student visa and shit. It was a frikking nightmare to cope with all of them...
So, I eventually burned out, and my life seemed to fall apart in the pacific sky. After that my energy has never fully come back up. I suffer from constant fatigue and excruciating pain in my back arising from hernia. Depression can deform every aspect of yourself. Let alone your personality, your thought process, your physique and expression, and even your facial structure get messed up. Boy I tell ya, it is really scary.
But on the flip side, I think that my depression taught me the most important quality of human being, which is "kindness and compassion". I can say "It's all good in the hood. Take it easy." not only to others but also to myself. Only those who have experienced failures in their life can really forgive others.
God damn, what is wrong with my back pain? Keeping me from sleeping for days.
I don't know why... Health is important, you know. You can lose anything except for your health in your life. Because the end of health is the end of your life.
I don't know why... Health is important, you know. You can lose anything except for your health in your life. Because the end of health is the end of your life.