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Would it be good to know somebody others' real thoughts?

Often I want to know, what somebody thinks in a special moment. I always think then, it would make things so much easier for me... nobody would be able to hide something from me, nobody could lie...
But at least, wouldn't I lie to myself if I knew everything? Because I'd just think that I know everything?
Because...if i could read anyone's thoughts that does not mean that I would understand them at all. I could interprate them in a totally different way in the baddest case.
Because I am just me, and never somebody else it would never be senseful neither good to be able to read somebody else's thoughts. It would make one just unhappy.

And at least, aren't there the people you understand? Who are not that mysterious to you, who are maybe a bit like you?
There were times I did not have such persons, probably I never had met someone like this...
But I got to know someone who I really want to be that person. Someone who seems to be perfect...
Although I'm really insecure as always. How can somebody like me, that ugly broken person?
but I'll try my best, so that one day I can trust him fully...

(because I feel that somehow he's worth it..I hope.)

Is there a reason for happiness?

How many people do you have around you, about who you would say they are totally happy people?
Or are youself happy?

Probably noone has a real answer for this. Most would say... I feel well. Everything is okay, everything always was okay... sometimes shit happens, but it never makes me unhappy.
But what about other people around you?
Some are happy, some are not.
No, I never think it is that easy!

How is happiness defined? How sadness?
It's obvious that this must be a very individual definition.
People say their love makes them happy. Their friends, family...money, lonelyness, nature...
A few people say they are 100 % happy. Nothing misses in their lives. They believe...

In my opinion those are stupid fools. I really do not envy some peoples happiness, everyone is able to be happy sometimes.
But most of this ignorants living on this world do not see that happiness and sadness lie so close.
For me, happiness is always connected with sadness. This has just psychological reasons like angst, fear of loss, insecurity and so on.
I also don't want to defend the pessimists, who do not even try to get out of a bad situation.
But people who convict pessimists are too naive!
And everyday I have to meet and bear those naive people.
I don't think I'm better than anyone...but I know that I think more about things.


I'm happy about some things that happened in my life recently. Extremely happy..
But I cannot bear too much happiness, because how bigger the happiness, the bigger the insecurity and doubt (about myself) gets..
So a situation cannot become perfect for me. Because of this I wouldn't reach happiness, but just more pain.
I wish for an 'imperfect', an inclompete situation which can grow. Like a flower, that never is in full bloom but from time to time can delight somebody with its beautiful colour.
This way I try to create my life. I realized that I cannot live without a bit pain from time to time anymore.
Pain has become kind of my elixir. But I also know that I could not stand anymore too big pain either.

I'm like a tumbler. But I won't let life anymore play too much poor games with me!

At least, I question myself, how many people are out there, who think similiar?!
There were times I thought I was the only person, then I met a person who was so distressing like me...
Nothing of this felt in the end good to me at all.
On and on I will be searching for things in persons that show me that they don't take life and happiness as it is. And I know that I see these things in the persons who are really important to me.


Is there a reason for happiness in this world? No.
But there are many reasons to live for...or not to live anymore.
What do you say, happy child?

I'm never satisfied...

At the moment school totally kills me.
I'm so damn tired!
I want holidays right now... Really need to experience something exciting :/

Tomorrow I'll go to the city (hopefully) & buy new haircolour! I need something new. Also the red totally pisses me of ヾ(｡｀Д´｡)ﾉ

Well..there's a picture of the sweetest but craziest dog Chilli!

おやすみ!

(￣＊￣ )
Well...it's about 3 o'clock in the morning here. Time for me to go to bed!
(why am I always that late in the night? (:_;) )
The problem is, I cannot sleep as long as I want to. We're going to a lake. Jessie, Baka and me. I guess Jessie's cousin or someone is going too.
It will be so much fun!!
Jessie said that the weather will be nice too. Like 28°C *-*
Isn't that great?
My sister is coming back today's evening from her journey to Italy (^O^)/
Haha...she'll probably be very tanned.
And then I finally get back my camera. So I can make photos again (missed that so much the last time)

Ahh..I'll do anything to enjoy my last holiday-weeks!
Hope you all do so, too

ﾍ(ﾟ∀ﾟ*)ﾉ

Endlich hab ich meinen Weblog ♥
Aber ich bin total verwirrt
Ich versteh kaum, was ich machen muss.
Aber das wird schon (^O^)/