Life goes on =.=

People keep on telling me what to do. And when I do things as they said, they keep on praising.
at first I was glad to hear their compliments, then I get bored of both them and their requests.

I decided to do what i wanna do.

People keep on comparing me with someone. They talk as if they knew how my future would be.
And to have a brilliant future like hers, I must do this, I must do that....blah blah blah

haha...

I got upset, got tired, got angry.....

I wonder why they don't see that I'm what I am., I'm different from the person that they keep on comparing me with.
If only they could know that I even don't want to be like her - I hate that girl, I even don't choose the same thing she did. She's intelligent, energetic blah blah blah....SO WHAT???? I'm not stupid that doesn't mean that I'm intelligent like her.....Instead, I must ask Are they all stupid ?

I do understand that I don't need them to know who I am.
They keep on being stupid.
And I, keep on ignoring them.

...nah....too busy to hear them babbling about nonsense things all the time.
still have a long way to go.

Good-bye

It may be the good-bye for now
Or may be the good-bye forever.
But it is likely a good-bye for good this time.

I have never been in depress like this. It seems like things get better and then go down, and then get better and then fall down down down down.....

This blog was supposed to be the place for me too share my thought, my feelings and in other way, it had to be where I practice Japanese writing skill. But, look at what it turned out to be.....

No, it's not bad at all. At least the English entries are quite alright.

But I'm thinking about stop using it for a while.
I need to meet people and quarrel with them, until I grow up a little bit.
My mom is great.
I still don't know how to keep calm and smile with people who make things difficult for me.
But mom always teaches me to understand people and forgive everything. She always says, "Everything will be alright and no matter how hard the problem is you will find the way to solve it all. It's no use complaining."
I believe in what she said.
But it's hard to calm myself when I'm in anger.
It's hard to understand people's reason for bothering you. It's also hard to forgive people who act rude to you.
The thing you learn after a quarrel is that all the childish things in you are so ugly that you don't want to accept the YOU anymore.
I guess I'm not grown enough

And, I guess, I need time to accept fact and stop complaining.

The Kids don't know about war

In my country, my generation is often called the born & grown in peace generation.
War ended in 1975 but only from 1979, the true peace came to us.

It's hard to image what a war is. It's even harder to really understand the pains people had to suffer through out a war.
We just learn history and have been taught a lot about it.
To be honest I'm afraid of war story. It's not that because I can't image it, it's because after hearing one of those stories I will definitely cry.
But you just can't turn away from your country's stories, can't turn away to the fact that did happen in the past.

My grandmother had suffered too much through war.
When I was a child, I found a picture of a young men in a picture. I 'd never seen him before but his picture was always in the family album.
When I asked my mom, she told me that he's my grandmother's younger brother, and he died in the Vietnam War at the age of 17.
I was surprised, Grandmother never talked about her past.
Or she never tells her little grand - daughter, because she was too young.
Or, I guess she had cried enough for a lifetime.

Being alone for all her own until she had a new family with grandfather and mom, and then my dad, and then my sister and I.
When I came back home for a year studying abroad in Japan, The moment when grandmother saw me, she immediately cried. I wanted to cry too, but I smiled. I thought a smile is also better than tear. :)
I wanted to say that "I won't go anywhere, I won't disappear because I'm your family".
I don't want her to cry anymore, I want her to smile because she is not alone anymore.

People don't know about war, it's not a game. It causes many pains and terrible things that we can't even imagine.
Some people talk about war when they just get some little contraries.
But don't joke about war. It's not a joke.
When I think about how my grandmother, my grandfather, my dad , my mom and their generations had lived through the war, I understand this peace that I'm leaving in is something so precious, more than anything else.