Longing.

I have a paper due tomorrow and I haven't yet started.
I can't help but be distracted constantly by thoughts.

Today, out of spontaneity, I took out the camera I bought for him
for Father's Day last year.
I had this feeling that it would be our last together, so I got him
the most expensive camera I could afford.
I didn't know how else to tell him how much I loved him.
He loved that camera so much. And took hundreds of pictures before he passed.
I want to learn how to use the camera, but even just holding it gets me so emotional.

I miss my dad, terribly. I keep pictures of him everywhere in my room,
but it's not nearly the same as having him walk into it to tell me
about how people are trying to scam him on Craigslist.
Not by a long shot.

And you.
And I miss you, too. I pushed you away, I've slammed the door in your face.
And now I find myself in a time when I need you the most.
And you're still there. As you've always been.

I'm going to get my shit together.
I'll make my parents proud, and I'll make you happy.
And I'll make it.