why am i here ?

I know no one ever reads my blog so I'm gonna just write down whats going on in my mind lately....

First of all, I haven't felt 100% happy since...well i don't even know when. maybe since I left Japan last October... i had some moments or days that i felt happy but in my deep thought i always have this feeling that like" why i am here? why am i doing this ? "

You know its like you always feel something is missing and you don't know what exactly it is....

well I actually don't know or haven't found it yet...

I often feel like if i get married and have kids will i be happy?

just because that's something i feel i should do and i actually maybe want to.

but at the same i know myself is not ready to settle down either.

i just want someone to be on my side and tell me I'm doing something right... someone who doesn't judge me by what i am doing. i want someone i don't need to prove anything to. I feel like if i have my own kid that helps?? i guess the person in general could be called " soul mate" but is everyone have a soul mate?

Secondly, I feel like I'm lost in my life right now....

I'm here in Melbourne to study medical English. that's what i wanted to do for long time.... but its not actually my goal yet. I want to work in developing countries as a nurse. that's my goal.... but I feel I'm making a bid detour. am I wasting my money and time here??? ughhhhhh... no one has the answer for it. so id better not this like that i know.... but still i feel like I'm not doing something right.... but again what is RIGHT thing in your life. who knows it? does anyone tell you what is right to do in YOUR life? only YOU know it. no one else can tell or show you what to do in order to make you feel you are doing something right. well when you were a kid or even in uni, you had probably someone to lead you ( at least try to lead you) to a right way but not anymore.... YOU are the only person who knows what is right in your life now.... which means you gotta trust yourself.

yeah right YOU GOTTA TRUST YOURSELF!!! otherwise, who does that for you...

i have another 6 months to be here. only 6 months....

lets see how i do.... don't forget TRUST YOURSELF!!!

Free Time

When I have a day off especially on weekdays

I often dont know how I spend all day long.

I always feel I dont wanna spend all day just relaxing at home but mostly I end up staying home and just chilling out for myself.

I guess Im a kinda person who are poor at finding things to do.

One of my friends suggested me to start something new such as going to a gym, going to some class, or joining some new groups....

yeah I definitely agree with it. I really need find something hook me.

but what??

1. yoga

2. calligraphy

3. joining in a ballet class

4. playing the guitar

5. MORE studying

6. joining in a basketball club

these are stuff Im thinking of doing it lately. so why cant I just start some of them now? why am I so lazy for that?

Move on!!!!

はじめまして First time

somehow just suddenlly thought of starting my new blog so here i am.

well i havent decided any specific theme here but when you have some time please visit and see how im doing

なんとなく、

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はじめてみました

よろしくお願いします