It's assumed I am stronger then I am all because I gave the know how to above all else try and remained poised in stressful situations and now I am at least wise enough through another life altering incident know that weather your ready or not time willalways keep pressing forward not without you but more so of a dragging momentum. I was told I was left traumatized after the fire but am also stronger then I've ever been I honestly at times don't understand where it has come from. I suffer from manic social anxiety as an adult but because of the fire I have had to open up and at times even have to explain myself to strangers about myself or the situation every time I have to repeat the story I'm reliving the moments in my head checking if there would have been anything (at all) that I could of possibly done that day differently avoiding tradgy the story merges the orders not in order anymore but I learned that they can't tell how bad you might be hurt (mentally) or that your suffering through PTSD - you don't want to talk to anyone else about it anymore even if they say it will help. I remember manners and that I must try and remain polite to everyone because they are going out of their way to make sure your okay and as much as your appetite each effort you understand that they never know by looking at you that you are no longer there you are back in the burning apartment any freakout isn't read properly and usually only admits a sense of blame to the supportive persons you know to stand tall, curved you hype up your feminity in your stances because it becomes less you have to project out to the world for your friends and family to accept the answer "your fine, your better" so better yes better then ever actually! But so e quite nights when my heads loud I turn to myusic somethingrepetive that I know I will blindly repeat the lyrics to myself automatically that way in order to stop the new thought you feared you could sense developing I the back of your head. I turned to this song tonight realizing I needed to hear the words he was saying and I wanted help saying them but the video took me away THIS is exactly what I was talking g about! BRILLIANT visuals for this lyrical it describe exactly what I was just saying I love you 🎵🎶💯 I didn't know I needed as much help as just listening to someone else who may have more experience in the given situations and handling it I like formality as a lead in something I don't know how others before me have handled it has always been scar
y for me but because music makes everything just that much easier on you find the strength soon regenerated enough to change songs and even come across so e upbeat tunes through the lost ness looking for answers WHICH.. SOMETIMES IS THE ANSWER TOO ♥️
I am missing someone tonight so before I get to that chapter in my blog I wanted to post.. just to try and start the conversations.
(Fake it till you make it!💯)