Weird, weird, weird moments in life.
When you look at yourself and you see yourself, not like a child anymore. Unlike what people say, you do not feel like you lost something. No. What you feel is you passed through some tough stuff, but you're still there, standing your ground. You actually do feel pretty strong. The child inside doesn't die. You just gain experience. Yeah, it's like leveling up :D
When you feel the change inside your very core. When, without you deciding it, you start looking, reacting, thinking, dressing the way you did before. Of course, some things stay unchanged: the music you listen to, the books you read, the games you play (yes, there are thing you NEVER grow out of, if you really love them!).
When you realize there are two different types of opportunities: those created by luck (or God, or Karma, or whatever you may call it. I say "luck" because it's more neutral) and those YOU create.
When you realize your change do not occure at the same pace as you do: some passed this "level" months, maybe years ago and some are no in no way close to reaching it... and when you realize you are no more compatible with those friends, no matter how hard you both try. It hurts a little, but that's just life.
Maybe I feel this way because I am aware of how precious the opportunity I managed to create is. Maybe it's my last chance. I cannot lose it. I've got to achieve quite a lot until March. And I will. I cannot give up this time. If I did, last time, it's because I was still too attached to my family and they were in troubles. My nature is really into the notion of self sacrifice for the ones I love so I just sabotaged my last opportunity for my Father's sake, so my Mom feels at least a little bit relieved. But I'm gonna be selfish this time. I understood it's not something bad. It's my right. And I'm gonna get exactly what I want. I promise.