Wanna be a right person who I think it's right..

I'm so scared to lose English skills during staying in Japan.

Because we don't really use English here in Japan even it's a news program on TV.

All I've been able to hear is in Japanese and Japanese.

It makes me crazy.

I know I'm too much sensitive.

But I don't wanna lose English from my life.

Now I'm not thinking anything in English, all my thinking is in Japanese...

It's gonna kill me.

I dont't wanna do that.

It has been only 7 days since I came back to Japan.

I'm already feeling something wrong with staying in Japan.

I don't wanna stay in Japan any more.

I need to go to somewhere people speak English in this world...

I'm asking one of my ex whether I'll be able to stay in his place for a few months like until the end of Februaly.

He is living in California these days

I really want to speak English more and more.

I would be a person who can use English for work even though I'm not a native English speaker.

I'd like to be the person, yea, I will.......

I've still loved him...

I can't think how to deal with this sadness for now.

Because I still love him, besides he doesn't like me very much.

For him, it was just a feeling which he was just interested in me, not liked me.

That's why he felt something different from the last one with his ex.

Now I know everything, I think...

Still, I really love him.

What's this feeling?

I wish I were a Canadian...

If I were so, I didn't have to leave Toronto, and didn't have to break up with him.

We could have more time to see each other, and then I could get him feel something new compared from the last one.

I know I'm so complecated person.

I can't feel anger so easily instead of feeling sad and loneliness.

But when I start to tell someone about my sadness, I'm getting be angry...

My real intention is not being mad at someone, just feel so sad.

Additionaly, I got so much frustrations because of my expressing skills.

When I speak in English, I'm thinking in English.

Right words, expressions, and thinkings don't come up with.

And I don't still know a right way to react toward what the other person's saying.

I might hurt him a lot with my wrong reactions.

They didn't mean anything like intending to hurt him.

I want to go back to Toronto even right now to see him and hold him tight.

I'm missing everything about him.

Because I still love him very much.

God, please lead me to right way...

I can't do anything without him.