I've found love!
So it isn't Kohara Kazamasa---but in a way he's better because for me he's mine and he's real!

Mario Charnell-Delgado. My dream---the man I was dreaming of but never knew he existed. I am happy with him. I hope that never changes.
Been with him a whole year and 2 months! Life is sweet~
It is~~~
It has become clear to me, the terms of my own personality.
I wouldn't call this an exact "depression" so much as a conclusion that I am lonely, maybe even homesick. Despite how I've repeated this time and time again, I don't long for the place, I merely long for the people I care about IN that place.

So its decided. In this situation of events, I firmly believe I am meant to be where I am. There isn't a fiber of hesitation in me that sways that belief either. I am meant to live in Washington. I can't explain the gut feeling, I just know that its there. I won't ignore that.

Still...I am a bumbling lost child. I know this, I am very confused about my calling and exactly what I am meant to achieve in my life. Only I can decide what I'm here to do...and only my will power and determination will get me there. I've been debating with serious conflicts to let some precious things go in order to maintain a balance and a drive.

Am I strong enough to do that though? To give up on the little piece of emotion I have left? To give up...the small perishable amount of company I have earned?
To move forward at the cost of what?

It sickens me. It makes me somber. I want to gain the strength to move forward. To follow my dreams and do something that makes me happy.
I'm starting to get a clear focus of what I need to do...and as the days go by, my resolve hardens to a firm decision.

I am going to change everything soon...