This also equally long post features the short story that was included with the portfolio. Some of the text may differ than what is written on the hard copy.
FAR FROM ELEGANCE
18:40 - 20:28
The dead stare of the image in front of me reveals something. My mind is blank. I am thinking nothing, but I should really concentrate on something. Anything. Anything at all. I close my eyes and begin to let my mind wander.
I should go to the forest to abandon a body that is beginning to rot, but I dread going into the forest to find the cave. The forest gives me the creeps while hollow souls, much like my own, follow fresh meat once they enter the cave. I would know this since I have been traveling here for a while.
I open my eyes and stare at the image again. Thin black hair, almost to my shoulders, cuts into my face while long fringes tickle my elegant eyelashes each time I blink. It looks kind of strange on a guy like me, but that's okay. I like this image. I feel different, unique, sorta'. My "co-workers" say that my beauty is something that should be envied and that I should really try other things to bring it out. I tell them that I am not a girl, but they just laugh it off and ignore me.
I close my eyes again. The darkness inside my currently absent skull is both calming and frightening. I want out. I really do. I open my eyes again. I notice dark circles under them this time. They look hideous, but then again, they accent my brown eyes a little. I contemplate letting them stay there, but then I remember something. The last time I slept was three days ago.
I rub my eyes and hear a strange sound coming from the nightstand. I glance over and see my mobile about to vibrate off the side. Oh well. It's been dropped many times.
I examine the name that appears on the slightly cracked screen and frown. YOZORO. I know who it is. Yozoro H and Yozoro Z. They've never mentioned their real names, at least, not to me. Only letters. You see, despite having no blood relation whatsoever, and despite wearing identical outfits, not to mention identical hairstyles, they claim to be identical brothers, so I am not really sure what the hell they are. Hah. They also claim to adore me, love me. I don't buy it.
"Yo?" I lick my teeth. I wonder how long this call will be.
"Ee! Hi. We're just calling to see how you're doing." The one speaking, now, the older of the two, Yozoro H. He always makes strange sounds.
I roll my eyes, but it's not like they can see me. I don't trust them. "Look, you're not getting anymore than a couple of words, maybe a sentence. So, what do you want?"
"We want to know how you are, idiot." Yozoro Z speaks this time.
"Sigh. I am fine." If they know what I want, then this conversation should end. They should know that I want to go to bed. Only for a few hours... a few minutes...
"Goodie. In that case, we want to know how your job is, dummy, you know, that axe murdering-thing you've got going on?" Yozoro H laughs in my ear. "You're still doing that job?"
I nod my head, but it's not like they can hear my skull rattle. "Yes."
"Well, are you pulling in the numbers for your quota this month?" Yozoro Z sounds annoyed. His question is geared at my job... as an axe murderer.
I laugh. "Hell no."
"Ouuu... You know," they speak together, creating a buzzing sound in my ears. "If you don't act up, your head will be next on our list. You know that, right?"
"Yes, I know. You've been telling me this for many years, so why don't you do it now and get it over with?"
"Sire, you'd love that, wouldn't you?" They laugh, knowing all too well that I'd like to everything. "You'd have to be bad in order for that misfortunate event to happen."
"... You make it sound easy. Are we done yet?" I close my eyes and sigh.
"Almost. Take the damn bodies as numbers. They're dead and you don't need to get your hands filthy! You're in the Suicide Forest, after all. Also. Just remember something. We're risking our heads for yours, so don't fuck around, okay?" They sound caring to my aching ears.
"Yeah, yeah." I stick my tongue out, but they can't see it. They can't see anything.
They ended the call with sweet words, telling me to be safe, and, again, that they cherish me, love me, and whatever else falls into that category.
I tilt the screen of the mobile to see how long the call took. Twenty minutes and some odd seconds. I press the red button on my mobile, holding it in. It clicks off. Good.
20:29 - 22:06
I am currently in the forest, abandoning that body from earlier. Its flesh has become a nice grey hue. All the extras, like the head, teeth, fingers, toes, have been tossed aside somewhere in Tōkyō. Like the rest of my ill-fated victims, I have a set space for them. There are currently about twenty... three... I think... bodies stacked upon each other in the corner of the woods inside some small grey cave with a large grey boulder in front of it. Both the cave and the boulder compliment each other, making them a perfect match.
"Phew..." I rub my head, massage my temples, twist my arms, and crack my back. That oversized rock is getting to be too much. If I keep moving that damn thing, I’ll be dead by the time I am thirty.
As my mind becomes warped with translucent thoughts, I recall the conversation that I had earlier. I laugh to myself, gathering the jest of what Yozoro H and Yozoro Z said to me. Suicides as numbers, huh? Bah! It’d be quite wrong to steal another person’s work and I’d surely get fired for that. Everyone back home is aware that I am in this forest and everyone is also aware of the mass suicides that occur each year.
I close my eyes to debate the topic. It would be nice not to be on the chopping block for once... I chuckle a little and almost simultaneously do violent sounds of three gunshots go off in the distance. Pop! Pop! Pop!
I groan and start to panic a little. They sound relatively close to me; to the cave. Paranoia sets in. I should not be on guard. I hear some rustling in the trees directly to my left and in the bushes directly below the bark appears a guy with black hair and a bleeding stomach. I jolt, freak out, close my eyes, tuck my head into my right shoulder, and swing my axe with a rather loud war cry. The next few things I hear are shrieks of terror coming from the man and a plopping sound in the mud by his fashionable foot. We both look down and discover that he is now without a right arm. Shit.
I need to help him! I need to take full blame! Full responsibility! I hoist him over my shoulders and carry him on my back into the darkness of the woods. He's heavy. Not as heavy as the boulder. I wander around, aimlessly, kind of lost, and stumble upon a small tarp being held up by thick pieces of metal, wood, and some foreign objects. Ah, it's a camp! But, something is wrong. The fire in the centre is out. There is moss climbing up the sides of the pots and pans that are wildly tossed about. This place looks abandoned. This place is abandoned.
Once we enter the shoddy living space, along with some old photographs of an elderly couple, torn bits of flyers appear to be scattered across the bloodstained dirt. There are many torn pictures and identification cards as well, each with dried blood and fingerprints. I lower my eyes. The owners of this camping ground have died by their own hands. I step on some glass on my way in, causing some noise in this rather quiet forest. The man stirs a little, but I don't pay any mind to him. He'll be dead. Soon. Very soon.
After finding the materials for a makeshift bed for the man, I spot a wooden chair with dried red liquid on it and take a seat. I stare at him. He's lifeless. But, oh well. Ah, wait. He's not dead. Not yet. He's passed out. I stare at him for a brief moment. In a way, he looks a little like me.
"Hey, man, are you awake?"
My question does not affect the body before me as it rests with complete silence and changing hues. Its pink flesh is slowly becoming grey with confusion. Maybe because of that gunshot wound to the gut. Maybe because of the missing right arm. Maybe both. Whichever the case, the body is awfully damaged.
The body stirs a little, and some groans escape the chapped lips of the wounded.
"Ah, you're awake?" I bite my lower lip with uncertainty. I hope that he is pleased with these two unwanted modifications.
"... Uhn..." He rubs his head with his left hand, indicating he is indeed awake. I notice how his fingers are slender and the tips painted black, much like my own. "Where am I?" He looks down and appears to examine each thing that is wrong with him. He seems to be wondering what the hell happened to him. A missing right arm--cut off a little below the shoulder--wrapped in thick tissues and medicinal wraps, and a bandaged tummy. I, too, follow his eyes. I tell him that the handiwork of the bandages was all me.
The man asks again, this time, featuring a hint of anger in his lovely voice.
"You're in a tent, I think," I sniffle, blink, and blink some more. "Hi." I inform him that where we are at does not belong to me, so he shouldn’t really make a mess. Of course, that comment really made him pissed off with me.
"Right. Who are you...?" He inhales a little and clutches his gut. Red ink starts to bleed through the bandages. I lower my eyes; my handiwork has slightly come undone.
"A passerby, kinda'," I intertwine my fingers. I am not sure what you would call me. A gentle killer, perhaps? I continue: "You have a serious wound," I point to his stomach. "A bullet hit you,” I point to the axe on the ground. “And, I hacked your arm off.” In my own way, I start to apologise. “I mean, man, I am just a mess. I shouldn’t have swung my axe with my eyes shut. That’s like driving or shooting blind.” I lick my lips. He doesn’t really seem too concerned with the words that come out of my mouth. I wonder why. I examine his stomach from an angle. The blood seems to have stopped, but he looks to be in pain. "Um, want an anesthetic?"
I take a sudden glance at him. He is looking at me, but he doesn’t seem to have any clue as to what I am talking about. Good. He won’t be yelling at me.
"You mean like a drug? Morphine or whatever that shit is called...?"
Oh, so he does have an idea as to where the conversation is going.
"I am not a doctor, so I don’t have that with me." I hint at possessing other drugs. "But, I was thinking more like a cigarette." I reach into my pocket and pull out two brand name cigarettes and one match. I have extra, but I don't want to waste two. I strike the match against the igniter and light my cigarette. While taking a puff or two from the smoke, I rise from my chair, discarding the match. I am now hovering over the confused man. I grin as I notice his slightly parted lips; the cigarette fits quite nicely inside once it is shoved in. I cup his face. "Here," I lean in and position the two cigarettes to kiss each other. Both tobaccos flare up and begin to bleed ashes and white smoke clouds. "Cheers."
A look of astonishment crosses his face. "Cheers..."
Shortly after the "kiss", the man asks for my name. I stare at him. Name? I don't think I've spoken my name to anyone in years. Yozoro H and Yozoro Z call me "sire", but that's just a term used for getting on my nerves. It'd be a waste of breath to state my name to him, since he'll be dead. Still, it'd be a nice gesture, for hacking his arm off and all. But, I really don't want him to know. I have to give him something, though.
"My name? It's H." I "borrow" the letter of one of the Yozoro brothers. "It'd be best if you don't know the rest, okay?" Hah! I don't even know the rest of Yozoro H's name! I don't even know the rest of the other's name!
The man gave me a puzzled look, sighing. "Secret, huh? Well, I'll tell you mine. My name is--"
I chuck a rock at his head, cutting him off. He chucks it back, hitting my left temple and almost knocking my eye out.
"Oi!! No names! Letters! You'll be Z!" I "borrow" the letter of the other Yozoro brother. If he dies, I can say one of the Yozoro brothers died and my life will be mostly complete. But, then again, I hate them both, so I would have to die as well.
I am quite pleased with my logic. Take letters from Yozoros, give to me, then give to someone else. That way, neither of us will have any feelings or whatever. We won't know too much information about each other. It's not like we'll ever see each other again, anyway.
While being wrapped up in my head, I feel warmth rushing down the left side of my face. Red droplets stain my white shirt and begin to tarnish my black blazer. I feel the blood go into my eye and I close the one eye. Then I close the other. The darkness of my semi-absent skull is comforting. I begin to think about many things, such as how Z will die, such as how it's partially my fault, such as how the bodies in the cave are haunting my waking moments...
22:07 - 23:59
Z and I leave the thing I referred to as a tent. We're wandering around, looking for the cave that I use for my bodies. Along the way, he tells me why he was in the forest. Some paranormal hunting with his mistress and her boyfriend. The three of them were friends, that is, until the boyfriend found out about the extra member. The boyfriend originally brought a gun for safety, but he decided it would be best to aim and fire at Z. Z then said that he ran away.
"Dumbass," I tell him that it's best to face fears rather than run from them, but then again, like I am one to talk. I've been avoiding doing my job, since I hate doing it.
I confess to him my current deeds, namely the cave. He's a dead man, anyway, so it won't matter if he knows or not. Once that is out of the way, I make a deal with him. Move the boulder, shove the axe in my back, and let me rot with the bodies I'll most likely be paralysed and unable to escape.
"Good deal?" I am carrying him on my back. I remind him about moving the boulder back when he’s done. I am not entirely sure how he'll move it back all by himself.
"It's a bit crappy for my revenge, but I guess I'll have to take it." He breathes into my back, locking his only arm around my neck. He chokes me for a bit, slowly becoming silent.
After treading the mud, tripping over overgrown tree roots, and smashing into multiple trees, we finally arrive at the boulder. Laying him down with gentle care, he begins to groan in pain. I laugh and tell him to shut up. I move the boulder enough for me to fit inside and instruct him to just push it so that it'll remain shut. Using my leg as a support, he stands and mumbles into my ear that he'll die with me and get his revenge that way.
"Okay, I guess." I didn't question his logic. It's weird, though, wanting to die with a stranger. We both enter the cave and I close the boulder from the inside, wedging my fingers between the wall and the rock, essentially breaking the bones. It can’t be opened.
"It smells in here, H." He traces my back with his finger, then makes a "X" on the spot where he wants the axe to go. Instantly, I feel the hatchet slice diagonally through my back. I cringe and fall to the ground. He leans against me and tells me good night.
"Yeah, I know." I smile, feeling only some pain. I flip open my mobile, turning it on. I attempt to dial the Yozoro brothers. If they truly do like me, they should come and find me. And bring some damn air fresheners.
