Even as a Life Coach, I have my difficulties with my 3 teens. Talking and having regular discussions is the crucial element for successful parenting. Simply today when I had the exact same stuck state with my youngest daughter now 14. I attempted to remain as calm as I can. I was grieving how I entered this stuck state. She seemed to be venting about how annoying I was. She could not relate to the particular events when I asked her what was the annoying part.
Perception
She shared that when she talk with me, she felt that I thought it was a wild-goose chase and leave. It's so fascinating to hear how she view what I do. I walk away thinking she did not need an answer from me and likewise when I hear her intonation that sounded angry. I did not wish to remain in that energy and get triggered into being angry myself. We talked about facial expressions and intonation. She felt that she was not angry. We had different understanding and point of view. The good idea was we were speaking our minds.
Empathise
What she wanted from me was to empathise by saying "Relax. relax, each time when she grumble about something or is stressed out." All she wanted is for me to listen right through and comfort her! That was an insight, a suggestion not to be disturbed by her intonation or venting. Not to think Great site that she wants a service. That was a mini-revelation.
Comprehending each other
I said to her that it is very crucial to keep having a discussion like this so that we get to comprehend each other much better. We do have ups and downs , and there is no caution. We talked a bit about my menopause and her hormones modifications. How these modifications in our body can play havoc to our state of minds. The most essential is to go back to the basics. Just exercise and let the hormones balance. The other essential thing is to let and forgive go of our past stories so that we don't spiral into drama.
The ups and downs becomes part of the journey which's how we change, grow and learn . By continuing to talk, have dialogues like this, that is the trick to effective parent and teenagers relationships. Relationships are established through the effort we took into our communications. Understanding what each other is thinking.
Don't bring your role from work to house
she said, "There is no such thing as perfect parent." I absolutely agreed with her. She included, "I just want you to be a normal parent." I was questioning what is a regular parent. She said, "Just like when you are a principal, when you go home don't end up being a principal, so strict with your kids." Ha! I got it. She said, "Don't bring your training thing home." We just do not wish to hear you training us. Thanks for reminding me!
Favorable Feedback
I showed her that I am very pleased with her, highlighting how she have checklists for her to-do-list. How she kept to her word. When she speak calmly, I like it. The ending was sweet. She fried omelet for me. My feedback to her was that this little gesture revealed that she takes care of me and I am really grateful, I enjoy it. Time to commemorate.
Just this early morning when I had the same stuck state with my youngest child now 14. I was grieving how I got into this stuck state. When I asked her what was the annoying part, she could not relate to the specific events.
Simply exercise and let the hormones balance. We simply don't desire to hear you training us.