DROPS The box of misfortune shines in the same colours as always When held up to the moon I clutch the same old fleetingness to my chest And breathe a sigh mingled with darkness
To put it frankly Why is it that we’re born and then head to our death?
Hanging my head In the ceaseless spiral flow of time On my back I felt melancholy but sure drops of warmth from you And a dream began to seep into my heart
What do we want to happen when the world ends... Everybody thinks about it And then talks cheerfully about it As if it doesn’t concern them
Despair creeps in and freezes That flame that once was love
Even the whip of fate, woven from strands of sadness Cannot tear my hand from yours Those shards of love that just manage to shine together Are the key that will open up our future
The sun rises and then sets I cry at what that says about eternity
Hanging my head In the ceaseless spiral flow of time On my back I felt melancholy but sure drops of warmth from you And a dream began to seep into my heart
My hands still hold the smiles I must give you And the anxiety secretly growing in me Those shards of love that just manage to shine together Are the key that will open up our future
English translation from http://www.kiwi-musume.com
Today I went thrifting. You all know I just love to buy random crap just because I like it, not because I need it, although most times my most interesting and weird findings end up in my shoots. Today I ventured out of my cave because I wanted to grab a Maison Martin Margiela X H&M piece (a re-edition of a piece from 1989, not sure if the very first collection) that I didn't manage to get when the collaboration was in the stores a few years ago and that I've been craving ever since, how could someone put it on sale, I mean, seriously? Anyway. I also found a pair of denim shorts I wanted to make myself actually, but they were so cheap and the size was the right size and they were just perfect, so why not. Then I noticed that the previous owner made them at least a couple of sizes smaller, but no big deal, just remove the stitching and that's all. Nope. One side was fine like that, the other was cut in such a bad way there's a missing part. Damaged. I could still fix it, but it took more work, effort and time. Most important, it's not back to the original size anyway, just a lil' smaller. That's when I had an epiphany. Humans are the same. Think of relationships: you find someone that you like, but they don't suit you 100%. You work on them, change them, make them 100% the ideal you have in mind. You cut them open, even, and stitch the pieces back together. Then you break up, that other person no longer "belongs" to you. What happens then? Just like that pair of denim shorts, they need to find some new body to pair up with. On the label the size is perfect for you, they look exactly what you were not even looking for. You try them on, nope, it doesn't work. You check again, you notice the stitches. You do your maths, it looks an easy task, you buy them anyway 'cause you like them so much. Then you realize the damage is actually worse than you expected, but at this point you already cut the whole thing open, either you leave it like this and it's a waste, or you give it a try, work on it, fix it in a way that it suits you although it will never be back to its original state because of that missing part that the previous owner cut off. It's the same with human beings. So please, people, when you find someone that you like but it's not exactly the perfect idea of mate you have in mind, don't damage them in the process of creating your own personal Prince Charming/I don't know the female equal. First of all, because it's damn hard for who comes after you to deal with the damage you made and that's, frankly speaking, annoying as fuck. Secondly, because if the missing part is too big there's nothing to do.
I've just realized how bad my character is. Seriously, I'm a real bitch. I'm not acknowledging it with pride, I'm admitting it with shame. I'd like to do something like in "My Name is Earl", you know, a list of all the people I wronged due to my bitchy cat-like nature and truly apologize to them. The first name on the list would be the one of that amazing guy who even came to pick me up at Gatwick and basically travelled a total amount of 3 hours on a crowded train, standing. Just to see me. Just to make sure I'd arrive at my hostel safe and sound. Just to spend as much time as possible with me. He came to pick me up at my hostel and walked me back everytime we met because he didn't want me to get lost (I was staying at a five minutes metro ride from Oxford Circus, how could I possibly get lost). He found for me that super good okonomiyaki place I wanted to go to after 12 years since the first (and last) time I went there. I didn't even remember the name, I just vaguely recalled it was around British Museum. He found it, he didn't even like it, but he ate that goddamn okonomiyaki. After that we went to the supermarket to buy some more food lol. He took me to Dover Street Market because he knew I love Comme des Garcons to pieces. And still, I doubted him. I was sarcastic all the time. I cannot blame him if he ran away, I would have done the same lol. I apologized already, but I was being ironic so I don't think that counts. There are a few reasons why I ended up being like this though. OK now that I remember I've always been like this, it was better for a few years and now I'm back to my bad habit of not trusting anyone because, yeah, you know, reasons. People. But like that guy from earlier told me once, "you're so used to assholes that now you think everyone is one and you cannot trust not even nice people with good intentions". True. I don't wanna be one of those bitter idiots who blame eveyone but themselves for their shitty behaviour "oh you know I suffered so it's normal I'm this way", nope. It's not a valid excuse. I don't either wanna be one of those selfish pathetic excuses for human beings that first hurt you and then think that saying "I'm sorry" will settle everything. And then they do it again. And again. Nope. So bear with me. I wanna do my best to be a decent human being with my flaws and all but I don't wanna burden others with those flaws while I try to fix them. So. Mm. I don't even know where to start. I apologize. Super fun!
