hmmm, where to start,,,
i've been going out these days, so i didnt have much time to write.
on the 24th, i met a friend from elementary school, and guess what, it was our first time to talk!! haha
we found each other on the internet, and decided to hang out.
but it was great, she's also half American, and she's actually my first "half" friend in my hometown! yay~ i feel like i finally have someone to hang out with back here, since most of my friends have left town.
so we went out to eat dinner and drink, and took purikuras, and talked and talked and talked.
had a great night :)
then last night, i went out with my Dad to watch his friend's guitar stage.
it was fun enough.
but you know, there was this huge fireworks thing nearby, and... cute couples everywhere :(
so i started to miss by BF, and i sent him an email.
then guess what!? he called me on the phone!!!
i know it might not sound a big deal, but it is for me! he's not that kind of person, and i've been so lonely these days, wishing that he would show me some love.
maybe it's because he's way older than me, and he's not used to showing his feelings, but it was only at the start that he told me he loved me and stuff, and he doesnt like to stick around when we're with other friends.
i totally understand, i don't wish to be with him ALL the time and i also prefer to talk with different people, but.. we're still couples, right? of course i wanna be with him for at least a few minutes, and i don't care other people's eyes, which is, i guess, different from him.
(and since my last BF was a Canadian... you know what i'm trying to say, look at the couples in foreign countries.)
so i've been a little disappointed about it and came home, and his emails are all pretty simple and short, so i got so stressed out that i decided to stop worrying about it.
...i feel very stupid writing all this out. bwah :) being a very typicle "woman." ... *sigh*
so anyway, even though i stopped worrying, i still had this loneliness inside, and... oh i hate myself for doing this, but i emailed the guy i was in love before for almost two years.
well i'm not trying to make an excuse, but my BF just loves watching TV, and he won't reply me for hours!!
so i was like "okay, screw you" and said good-night, and but coudn't sleep at all, so i asked the other "lover" to just say good-night to me.
then he called me immediately, (oh gosh, that's what i love about him, ) and we talked for about an hour, and hung up.
but you know... thinking back now, i should have went ahead and emailed my BF that i couldn't sleep.
i do think that it's one option to seek for love elsewhere when i can't get it from my BF, and then change that to the energy to love my BF, without asking nothing in return.
but! i still should have tried.
that's my weak point, i kill myself in front of BFs, i just can't tell them what i want, and get frustrated about it.
but it's so simple to make me happy, it's so easy to treat me, you just have to say you love me...
so when he called me last night and told me that he loves me, i was happy as hell, and satisfied enough to maintain myself for another... maybe 2weeks ;) haha
i hope we can become a couple that really loves eachother deeply from their hearts, knowing eachother's feelings without words,
but before that, i need him to know what it's like to really truly love someone, which he said he doesn't know, and which i learnd to do, thanx to my "lover"
but before that, i have to be able to love hime truly.
i've realized that "love" is not about trying to be loved, but about giving love yourself.
you have to love first, and then you will get it back.
i don't know how long it will take for me to love my BF like i loved the person before,
but i swear to my heart that i will try my best.
the end