Status Update: Inner Battle

I feel so bad. The rational sense of mine is losing, to the hedonistic side of me. I know I should stand up, but I just indulge myself in this ridiculous status. I even manage to dodge everyone, every people, acquaintance or even strangers, every single phone call, and emails. this is bad. I can't escape from the reality forever. I know that but I just give myself every kind of excuses to stay in my comfort zone.


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Scary Night

I know it is irrational, but right now I am terribly scared. Not knowing what somebody you live with is capable of. And he asked for an igniter this afternoon and dodged the question when he was asked what he was going to do with it. I have no idea what he is doing right now and I am hiding in my room. All I could hear is the noises he makes out there. And it scares me.
I can't believe lack of trust could us into this.


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I'm still upset...

I don't talk about it... I can't talk about it...
Talking seems now rather a skillful technique to me...

It didn't work. It won't work.
On the other hand, it just made us cry. Both of us.
Yet, unhappiness would go away itself, wouldn't it?
I don't want to talk about it.

Childish Me

I know I am not a kid any more...
But I still want to be be childish, throw a tantrum occasionally and be brooding...
I am never the smart, the witty and the funny one, no matter how hard I try...
I try to be good, but you just take it for granted.
Me being a good kid 1000 times is never be as good enough as his being good for a single time...
So I think, why should I always be the good kid?
I am not good, so you don't have to care for me. And I don't have to expect you to care for me, knowing that I don't deserve it any more...
You'll never know how many nights I cried to my sleep, troubled thinking about all of the these.