low

so last night was bad

my housemates came back from lib and then decided to go to a party or whatever without me

i should say it this way

i was reading when they came back from lib

then they were talking about going out to somewhere

so they started to get dress

and before they left, they finally told me they were gonna go out and asked me if i wanted to go

the first thing came up my mind was "if u want you can ask me when u guys come back"

but that would be too mean

so instead of that i said "well, u know the answer already cause u guys are already dressed"

then the slience moment came up, i probably shouldn't say it

but i was just so disappointed at them ermmm

even tho i wouldn't go but u can't just persume that i wouldn't

ok seriously im not upset about this anymore

i have other more important things to take care of

they can do whatever

noooooooooooo i should be glad that they still invited me before they left

so nice of them

fine, things could be worse

then today was the same, i wasn't in a good mood

the back of my neck is hurting really bad

i know whyyyyyy! from reading and using pc

i didn't feel like talking to housemates either

so i didn't

luli kept asking me if im alright

i don't know what to say

im not fine but fine

yea..

i will keep it all to myself from now on

i was just talking to mame

she kept telling me stop sighing

i really wanted to tell her what is going on in my life- my secret secret

but no, i mean not yet

i have to confirm it myself before i go tell anybody

and another thing that is still bothering me isssssss

my stupid face

whyyyy i just don't understand why

i don't even know what to say about this

getting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse

and worse

im so gonna eat icecream for breakfast tomorrow

just to cheers my life back up

what?

i just found out more about that on facebook

wow this is more than i expected

(((゜д゜;)))

oh well, i will see what happen on coming tuesday

but lets give up before my head explode

school clubs

"everyone should perform.
ALL the cool kids are doing it."

i know like more than 4 people around me are the chairs of a club in school

but meeee, im not even a member of any clubs

i have to do something next year for sure

why not now? ermmm cause this term is almost over

and they don't have clubs' night next term

hopefully next year i will only have 4 credits

so i can do something else besides school

next year will be my last year

i have to do somethinggggggg!

asian semi formal

omg so last night was semi formal.

i said like a week ago i wouldn't go cause i don't feel like going

i wanted to go before school started, i even bought a dress for that!

but i just don't wanna go at this moment, not right now

and joyce didn't want to either cause we had bible study.

she had to stay until everything was presented,

plus she is having her monthly thing too.

she said she doesn't wanna spend that much money to do something that she knows she won't enjoy.

first we will miss lots of time because bible sutdy, then she is not feeling good

i didn't really think about the money part cause i wasn't gonna go anyway

then everytime when we discuss not going to semi

luli seems so upset

like we know shes not happy, she wants to go

but the thing is.. i really don't want to go

i think* that lately she gets really bored living with us

cause 3 of us have different school schedule

i have been on and off working crazy

i think my schedule is the worst compared to theirs

i have something due everyweek, actually more than 1

im tired and now.. i have to THINK, deep thinkingggg

*my life is changing*

i don't have time for semi formal

thennnn last night we had bible study

and a few people left early cause they had to go get ready for semi

we stayed until the end cause joyce was leading and we weren't going anyway

but then we finished off early cause johnny had to go to semi too

so i was asking luli what time was it

and she thought i was talking about the semi hours

i know she still wanted to go, she was waiting for us to say "oh lets go now"

but of course i didn't, i still didn't want to go

walking home was really quiet

i had nothing to say, i know she was sad that we were not going

when we got home, she went in her room and shuted the door right the way

we knew she was not happy

me and joyce were talking about stupid things in the kitchen

i don't know if luli would get upset that we rather talked in the kitchen til 3am

instead of going to semi with her

we kinda know why she was that upset

so first, she is really bored cause we are always so busy and no time for her
(but i really think we did a good job already, we tried to hang out with her, i really think that i tried hard!)

second, we didn't want to go to semi and she thinks that we don't spend time to have fun with her

third, then she gets really homesick, she wants to go home

(even tho her parents and sis call her like every morning and night)

we know the reasons, we just don't know how to respond

well i guess i will write her a letter

my little secret secret

i said something i shouldn't say

nono i was just asking her if she has something that nobody knows

like even your best friend, your fami, your sister

then she said no and asked me if i do

of course i do, thats why i was asking

i couldn't stop thinking things this pass few days

but im not ready to share with anybody, nobody

and now she is giving me pressure to tell her the whole thing

i can't believe she is doing that

i thought she would understand my situation

i haven't tell my sis, my fami yet..

why is she pressuring me to tell her last night

ermm hopefully she won't ask anymore