Compartmentalization is a funny thing.
One time you are feeling your heart pumping, a sour feeling on your chest, you imagine yourself sobbing. But then, suddenly... nothing.
Is like you have just swallowed a big chunck of hard crap, and you enjoyed. It's better than feeling like shit anyway.
Well, I want this year to be different. Of course we say that about EVERY year, but if we don't make any effort, then what is the point? And if I want to succeed (and god, I want it SO BADLY), I have to stop putting everything and everyone in front of my own needs, and if that means swallowing a huge chunck of hard crap from time to time, so be it.
No more touchy-feely. No more crying alone in the bedroom. If I'm gonna die alone and miserable, at least I will fulfill my aspirations. Whatever it takes.