It's always sunny in philadelphia
１１：２５ AM
On a Monday
Philadelphia, PA
まく：”Christopher Murray, a teacher at St. Vinsent's Elementary
has been accused of sexually abusing two former students.”
でに：St.Vincent's? That's that school you went to, right, Mac?
まく：Yeah, me and Charlie.
ちゃ：What else does it say?
まく：”Murry has been the physical education teacher and boy's basketball coach for 25 years.”
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
Ah. "The accusers are two brothers whose named
are being withheld but the investigation will focus on the mid- 1980s
as the time period for alleged abuse.
The police are hoping more young men will come forward,"
でに：Wow. That's horrible.
でぃ：Did this guy teach you guys?
ちゃ、まく：Yeah. No.
まく：Yes, he did.
We were in the same class.
ちゃ：No. Yeah. Well, no, I didn't like it though.
まく：What the hell are you talking about?
ちゃ：I didn't like that class.
でに：Charlie got molested.
☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*
でに：When dealing with molestation, the first step is always understanding.
So we need to take a moment and assess the situation.
Write the down.
でぃ：What? No, look. First of all, we can't sit around and let him wallow in it.
And second of all, the first step is acknowledgment.
So I better write that down.
でに：No. No, no.
まく：What the hell are you guys talking about?
でに：Sweet Dee and I took psychology at Penn, so let the grown-ups talk.
でぃ：Listen. I think we need to have an intervention.
You know, bring his friends and family together for support.
でに：Yea, that's a good idea.
Let's tell everybody Charlie knows that he got blown by a gym teacher.
Then we'll throw him a little surprise party, celebrate the occasion.
でぃ：Okay, you know what?
You being a smartass- not helping Charlie.
まく：Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who said anything about getting blown?
でに：The article did't specify what type of abuse it was. It could have neem anything.
まく：Yeah, but do you think he got blown?
でに：I don't know.
でぃ：Yeah, you know? Probably got blown.
Which is why I think you need to reconsider my idea.
まく：Okay. You know what? Stop. I'm sorry.
We need to clarify something here.
Do you thing that Murray blew these guys?
でに：Why are you so obsessed with the blowing aspect of all this?
まく：Because I knew thses two brothers that the article was talking about.
The McPoyle twins - Ryan and Liam. Okay?
They were the type of kids that would blow snot bubbles and rub'em over each other.
They were gross, and they smelled like a couple of unwiped assholes.
Well, if Murray is, like, fondling or touching them, whatever I get it, all right?
But if he's dishing out blow jobs, come on.
I just don't understand.
でに：What do you not get?
まく：I was in that class with them, all right?
I was with those guys!
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ドアに925
りあ：Hey, Charlie. Long time no see.
What do you want?
ちゃ：Is your brother here, man?
I gatta talk to you guys.
Can I come in?
Come on, man. I need to talk to you guys. Go. Move. Go.
I'm not gonna walk in front of you! Go.
りあ：Just come in.
ちゃ：No, you go first, and I will follow you.
りあ：Shut the door.
外
でぃ：Whoa, That was really weird.
でに：Well, this confirms it. He definitely got molested.
でぃ：Ugh. We gotta get in there.
でに：Get - We gotta get in there?
You can't just thrust yourself in the position of caregiver like that.
でぃ：”Caregiver"? Why are you throwing around big words?
I actually majored in psych, so-
でに：You failed all your classes.
I had a minor, and I passed all mine.
でぃ：Well, you know what? Three-quarters of a major is bigger than a whole minor.
でに：I don't even know how to respond to that.
でぃ：That doesn't surprise me.
でに：Well, it shouldn't because what you said is really dumb, you know.
でぃ：That's a good one.
でに：Yeah, it is.
中
りあ：So did you want a beverage of some kind?
ちゃ：No! Where's your brother?
りあ：We just stepped out of the shower.
He'll be down in a minute.
ちゃ：Listen, you guys can't go-
Did you just say "we"?
りあ：What?
ちゃ：Did you just say, "We just stepped out of the shower"?
りあ：I said "he".
ちゃ：Right. Okay. Listen.
I heard about the Coach Myrray thing.
You guys cannot go to the police and say that he molested you.
りあ：Why not?
ちゃ：Because he didn't molest you!
りあ：That's true, but he's a dick, and we hated him.
This is our chance for revenge. You want in?
ちゃ：No!
らい：I think you do. Hello, Charlie.
ちゃ：Hello, Ryan.
らい：I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news recently
but there are millions to be made here, my friend.
Oh, sure, there's the classic route of priest molestation
but we thought we'd mix it up a bit.
りあ：We're going after the whole damn school board.
If you want in on the team, we could probably get a nice class-action suit going.
ちゃ：Okay, Okay, first of al, there are people out there who actually have been molested.
And you guys are gonna exploit that for your own personal gain?
You assholes are securing your place in hell.
らい：We thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.
ちゃ：I won't let you do it. I'm gonna call the cops.
りあ：Oh, no, you won't, Charlie.
ちゃ：Oh, yes, I will.
らい：Oh, my friend, I'm afraid not.
ちゃ：And why not?
りあ：We'll tell the cops the whole thing was your idea.
■□■□■□■ A year ago ■□■□■□■
ちゃ：We should tell the cops that that fat dickhead gym teacher we had in junior high molested us
and just sue the shit out of him!
■□■□■□■□■□
ちゃ：－I-I was joking.
りあ：Really?
■□■□■□■□■□
I'm not joking though. I'm not joking. I'm really not.
I wouldn't even joke about something like that.
We should do it. I wanna do it.
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ちゃ：Shit.
らい：We'd hate to have to put this whole thing on your shoulders.
ちゃ：Shit.
りあ：So you're gonna have to keep your mouth shut.
You don't have to join us, but if anyone asks you point-blank [whispers] your ass got molested.
Otherwise, we're talking conspiracy charges.
らい：And prison can be a bad place for someone like you, Charlie.
りあ：A very bad place.
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wallow 転げまわる おぼれる
acknowledgment 謝辞 承認 感謝
smartass 切れ者 知ったかぶりをする人
fondle 優しくなでる
thrust ぐいと押す でしゃばる
caregiver 介護者
school board 教育委員会