彼と復縁しました。
ただ、難しい。
私ができることは、
自分からメールしない、
電話しない、
彼に心配ごとをかけない、
それだけ。
彼に会ってない時間は、
英語の勉強したり、
なんか他のことを考えよう。
- 前ページ
- 次ページ
今度、別れた元彼と高尾山に行くことになりました。何を私はやっているんだろう…
彼が家族のことで心を痛めているので別れてからですが力になってあげたいって思いました。
また、付き合ってた時、もしかしたら私に助けてほしいってシグナルを出していたかもしれないのに、
私は自分のことばかり考えてそれを受け止めてあげることができなかった。
素晴らしい人だけど、誰だって辛いことや、誰かに支えてほしいときなど沢山あると思う。
心の中に抱え込んでしまう人だからこそ、沢山あるんだと思う。
それに気づけてあげれなかったから、
今、別れてからだけど、彼が私の助けを求めているのなら出来るだけ力になってあげたいって思う。
私の助けが要らなくなってしまう彼をいつか見るのはきっと辛いけど、
私は私で私の生活を行って行けばいいのだから。
It is so hard to get over the separation with the guy who I wanted to have a life with.
My brain said “ You did a best choice. He bought a ring in front of you. He wore a sunglasses in front of you. He wore the T-shirt in front of you. He wore gloves in front of you. He wore a belt in front of you. He took care a pot in front of you. He didn’t respect you. He didn’t think feeling of you at all. Sooner or later, the separation would come.”
My heart said “Whenever you showed him your ugly parts, You were so scared of losing his love to you. He would understand if you said that. Why you didn’t tell him your real feeling. Why you didn’t believe his love. Why you tried to show him only your good parts, He would accept even your ugly parts. Not him, You closed your heart to him from the first. You didn’t try to build your relationship when his hart was open to you.”
Whenever I saw his back, I just wanted to follow, because I knew he would give me a safe.
Whenever I saw his back, I thought I would follow the back forever.
There were no fear, no scar, even I get a big trouble in the future, I knew he would be next to me and support me.
I believe in a guy who gives me the confidence and everything which he gave me.
Funny thing is because we had a conversation with English, I am writing with English and feel much better than with Japanese.
Maybe I am pretending to write the those to him.
Sayonara……………..was so…………………..heavy.
He doesn’t know the word is that much heavy that is why he could use……….
I taught the word to him at our 4th date.
He used the word to me…………………I never thought the word would come back to me.