I'm going to write down who I am.
Even I know no one is gonna read this.
Well
Here I am.
I'm Ivy.
I was born as second children, first daughter in that family.
I honestly don't remember anything when I was kids.
The story I'm going to tell you is according to my albums and videos.
Like I told you before, I'm second children.
I have one older brother.
He's just one year older than me.
When I was baby, he was also baby.
I barely cried when I was baby but I did sometimes like usual babies,
But everyone was busy to take care of my brother.
He always cried and he was really weak.
He's been to hospital many times when he was young.
So I always played with toys by myself.
My father and Mather, they were both working,
So nanny was look after us.
But I hated them so much.
I always made troubles
I don't remember the exact reasons why I did that
But I guess I did that because I could get my parent attention if I got in troubles.
I can say there're so many different way to get someone's attention now, but that time, I was little.
I couldn't find any other way beside that.
But no matter what I did to get their attention, I ever got anything.
Everything what I was doing was all for my mother.
I always did best I can to made her happy.
If she wanted me to be smart, I studied really hard.
If she wanted me to be polite, I tried not cry like other kid.
I always put my real feeling inside of me.
I was happy enough to die when she said good job.
I was sad enough to kill myself when she said I'm worthless.
She always said I'm worthless.
She told me how her life could be better if I wasn't exist.
She said she hated me so much.
I couldn't hate her whatever she told me.
I couldn't hate her whatever she did to me.
She punched me when she wasn't in good mood.
I said to my friends hat I hated my mother so much but I didn't really hate her.
That's impossible for me to hate my family.
I wished I could change family so many times.
But I'm thankful that I'm in this family after all.
Well I'm sick at typing, so I'll tell you about my childhood next time.
Thanks for reading.
私は2人目の子供、 長女としてある家庭に生まれました
小さい頃のことはほとんど覚えてません
話はアルバムやビデオから少しずつ思い出したことなんかを書いてます
私には1個上の兄がいて
私が生まれた時彼もまだ赤ちゃんで
ベビーシッターや親は良くないて手のかかる兄のお世話に忙しく
私はおもちゃで一人遊ぶことが多かったです
だからなのか私はよく問題を起こしました
子供の私は問題を起こせばみんなが気にかけてくれると思ってた
今なら他の道も考えられるんだけど
でもなにをしても私はいっつも兄の次
二番目だった
小さい頃私はお母さんを喜ばせるために
それだけが目標だった
中学受験のために小学校低学年から塾にいって
辛いと思ってなかった訳ではないけど
全国何位って掲示された時に
母が喜んでくれた
それだけで嬉しかった
いい点数とって喜んでくれた
それだけで嬉しかった
母は怒るとすぐ叩いたし
あんたなんか産まなきゃよかった
疫病神
ってなんど言われても
たまに褒めてくれただけで嬉しかった
何をされても
何を言われても
母親は嫌いになれない
何度もこんな家に生まれてなければとか思ったけど
でもやっぱり
結局は
この家族でよかったって思えるんだろうな